Spiritual Irony

The very people that help you with your greatest expansions, are also the very ones that you use, as your excuse not to go there.” Abraham Hicks

When you ‘go there’ you find that your power lies not in what you wish to prove or defend, but in what you know you don’t have to.

Confidence is acceptance of vulnerability. For any vulnerability you allow your self to feel, transmutes into the gift of invulnerability that introduces you, to the real you.   

Tight Rope

The end in sight is left open ended just like it was in the beginning.  The road ahead that felt so bumpy feels uneven as if it’s telling me to mind my step.  The sensations in my body point to feelings of wanting to vomit. I hardly ate, reason reminds, there is nothing to vomit out chill inside…

My soul is lost in imagination with what it has collected and contained of new values and truths. It’s itching to go..im becoming aware that it can see something clearly…. as If  it’s already energetically there…

The present moment feels powerful because of the substance my soul is there fiddling with. Ego noise is in the distant background concerned about an outcome and its current discomforts. It isn’t loud enough to distract, hijack, or even contaminate what’s going on.

I feel stuck in a 3D circumstance, but yet I’m free somewhere else I’ve never truly been in before? What’s going on with my soul. Why is it rearing and so itchy to go. like an Olympic racer about to sprint somewhere. Positioned past ready, frozen in set…and waiting for go. I’m marvelled by it all…when the rope tightens its about to snap. The opposite of faith isn’t doubt it’s certainty. The opposite of hope isn’t fear it’s security.

Oh Allah I surrender the outcome of my circumstance to you. I surrender the desire of my state in it too.

When the soul is the only expert on the ship, and its positioned itself for something that feels so so real…. summon courage to hold space for what inspired it. Even if you don’t fully understand it yet. There is nothing and then there is something, but above all there is the divine and his connect to your soul.

 

Grieve for what didn’t Happen.

It’s not easy to unconditionally accept all of your needs because it requires brutal truth about what they are. An experience of betrayal unfolding before you can be emotionally traumatic. You could be witnessing in a moment intentional cruelty. I read some where how one of the most over looked causes for emotional trauma is a ‘humiliating or deeply disappointing experience’…..certain events that lead to any of the above lead to trauma if it happened unexpectedly, if you were unprepared for it or if you felt powerless to prevent it.

What struck me most is the truth that such a cause is over looked. It isn’t something we associate trauma with. We are unconcious of the reality as it is experienced. It is over looked because we do not register it for what it actually is. This over looked cause of emotional trauma is actually the most common, that in itself is disturbing.

How many people are in the throes of emotional trauma and those around including themselves are non the wiser.

Awareness of trauma becomes diluted or  fogged out as one feels shocked, indenial or disbelief. There is confusion and disorientation in the mix. The symptoms of trauma are honed in on without necessarily realising, that the reality in the moment is you are traumatised by what just happened. The symptom isn’t the cause, the cause gives birth to the symptoms. You are in shock because you are traumatised. You are in disbelief because you’re traumatised. in denial and confused by what just happened because it traumatised you.

Feeling powerless to prevent an emotionally traumatic event, happens most when what shocks you are the actions of someone else, someone you didn’t want to experience such actions from. You see the choices one makes consisting of callousness towards you and total disregard for your honour or worth. You couldn’t prevent it because you do not have control of no ones actions but your self.

This is what makes your needs your true needs that weren’t met. Very RAW and vulnerable to accept. Your needs are all that is linked to what you hoped would have happened. Imagine giving shelter to those needs in your heart during or after the fact of an emotionally traumatic event.

This is why unconditionally accepting your needs and feelings isn’t an easy feat always and for most of us.

To accept them UNCONDITIONALLY is to be honest that you desired love when you were being shown disdain. You desired value when violation was aimed for, honour when humiliated by people who had a duty of care towards you. To accept your desire for safety when harmed is purity of heart. 

Its purity of heart because it stems from unconditional self love. Accepting your needs that weren’t met, to the ego is death because it was never rooted in self love to begin with. It’s root is in survival. The ego sees the antagonist as the enemy. It’s too soon or too raw to associate your true vulnerable needs to the antagonist. Fk the antagonist. When the ego doubles down on the story it takes you further away from self love. You swim in the illusion of protection the illusion of guarding yourself.

Why do we care to desire what we do from them? Is how the ego presents its case. But the question is warped in falsehood it doesn’t require an answer it requires a challenge with the truth.

I do not care to desire what I do from them, I CARE to desire it for myself. It’s what I deserve. It’s representative of my inherent worth.

This antagonist could have been your friend, your partner, a relative or your child. Before the traumatic event you were cool and then things went left. Just because the reality changed because of the choices made, doesn’t mean the heart did too.

So grieve for what you hoped that didn’t happen. Grieve the love, haq/truth, justice, and integrity you didn’t receive.

Grieve it’s absence just grieve.

It isn’t the same as grieving loss of a relationship with the antagonist. It’s simply grieving all that the betrayal replaced.

This is unconditionally accepting your needs. This is unconditional self love.

In grieving the above you acknowledge your worth & you stand in your power. The ego tells you in resistance you are strong. In rejection you have strategy. In judgement you understand. In shaming you are above and in blame you are establishing  boundaries

Healing starts the moment you accept what happened. There is no healing without unconditional self love & acceptance.

Grieve in the space grudge wishes to grow. You will find relief that replenishes you not resentment that keeps you locked in.

The Storm

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Then after the distress, He sent down security for you. Slumber overtook a party of you, while another party was thinking about themselves (as how to save their ownselves, ignoring the others and the Prophet Scw) and thought wrongly of Allâh – the thought of ignorance. They said, “Have we any part in the affair?” Say you (O Muhammad Scw): “Indeed the affair belongs wholly to Allâh.” They hide within themselves what they dare not reveal to you, saying: “If we had anything to do with the affair, none of us would have been killed here.” Say: “Even if you had remained in your homes, those for whom death was decreed would certainly have gone forth to the place of their death,” but that Allah might test what is in your breasts; and to purge that which was in your hearts and Allah is All­Knower of what is in (your) breasts”. (Quran chapter Aali Imran 3:154)

When we enter the storm of a situation, we delete the space Allah’s help is meant to reach us from. Getting entangled with a storm is effectively catering to its narrative and needs as opposed to catering for your own. Yours get lost in translation because you’ve abandoned your ship.

And you’ve abandoned ship because you see the storm as the ship that you need to control. It gets the majority of your action based attention. This is neglect and Consequently in maintaining this imbalance (this neglect) your wellbeing becomes affected and so your life stream ends up with a malfunctional version of your wellbeing present in it.

It’s a slippery slope…
Since all good luck really is, is your wellbeing being present in your life stream without it being made defective due to any imbalance.

Seeing the storm as the ship you need to control (that needs your attention) is a course of action the psyche supports, because it presents a fear based type of logic back peddled and ushered in by the egos intent to surive.

All you see is what’s required of you, the obstacles in its way and what it all means to you, about you and for you. Entering the storm therefore is metaphorical for thinking of ways to meet the requirements presented by a situation that supports your ego and not your soul. It’s a course of action that rests on the thought system, of if you meet the requirements deemed right (by ego) the obstacles connected to matter dissolve, that then results in a path being paved for you to obtain your inner peace (insert: what grants you Satisfaction).

(nice plan in writing but in execution & in principle it’s not)

See the maxim here is that stability comes after the distress. Man kind however instinctively act based on the wrong formula that tells them, for the distress to be gone first one must establish stability.

This mentality is how one invalidates their feelings by suppressing it, it is how they enter the storm. They enter because they have fallen into the clutches of their ego “establish safety”
is speaking the egos language.

How is this different to the stated truth above that stability/safety comes after distress?

Because through that door you made space for Allah. You didn’t let the distress suck you into the storm. You stayed on your ship witnessing the storm. Sakinah/ calmness/ stability and peace was given to you as a result during process. Because you approached your affair through your reality not another’s (and definitely not one that isn’t even in existence)

You didn’t chop off or compartmentalise your reality because parts of it seemed irrelevant to the storm. In doing that you relinquish your power to the storm. (Storm is the issue in hand what ever it may be)
What you deemed irrelevant were your needs.

“Then after the distress, He sent down security for you….”

When you remain the captain of your ship you ain’t sinking. Because you made space for Allah.


“Slumber overtook a party of you…”

This is the party that held space to receive Allah’s help in matter. They let the distress flow and didn’t lose sight of their predicament as affecting them first & foremost. They acknowledge their truth as it is. And so stability is made theirs because they chose to remain present during the distress. Through Feelings we receive guidance.

“while another party was thinking about themselves (as how to save their ownselves, ignoring the others and the Prophet Scw)”

This is the party that enters the storm, thinking about themselves here means honing in on the problem via ego narrative.

how it or what happened, what liability on their side they presume. If only this and that, followed by now I need to do this and that, but I don’t have that or this, wait I can finnese it, but how?…ok that too has a problem so now… (Enter anxiety, blame, trapped in memories about moment before shortcoming on your side was made, or if you had no short coming, then enter mental focus on moment before problem became your reality. Fleeting moments because you are now in the midst of a situation. Even then one doesn’t stop, they add momentum of regret into the equation. This is all a problem blocking your life stream and therefore your stability because your well being is under serious strain due to neglect)


“and thought wrongly of Allâh, the thought of ignorance.”

Not holding space for him is ignorant. Because it implies he is absent. You may not believe that he is, but the point is you act like it. This happens unconsciously for most. It’s how they enter storm and abandon their ship.

“They said, “Have we any part in the affair?”

Entanglement with the storm happens because person took responsibility for the narrative presented by the problem/storm.


“Say you (O Muhammad Scw): “Indeed the affair belongs wholly to Allâh.”

😔♥️

“They hide within themselves what they dare not reveal to you…”

This is also the psychological affect behind the people who enter the storm. They have internalised the problem and what they hide within themselves, is the inner shame they feel towards the focused upon short comings, that they presume led to problem.

“Saying If we had anything to do with the affair, none of us would have been killed here…”

Stuck in the mental state of should’ve could’ve, the people entering the storm frequently think, that their distress is a result of their shortcoming. So they see not the reality now (that matter happened the way it did, in order to facilitate growth) but rather how they got there. It’s counter productive.

“Say: “Even if you had remained in your homes, those for whom death was decreed would certainly have gone forth to the place of their death…,”

Even if they fulfilled the should’ve could haves, they would have arrived in the same place. Because Allah would have still orchestrated the test ( to reach goal behind his wisdom for it in the first place, he will orchestrate the means as he sees fit)

“that Allah might test what is in your breasts;”

These tests are what align us with the potential he created us with. So in testing what’s in our hearts, he purifies us from the clutches of the Ego limitations blocking our life stream. Life doesn’t happen to you. It happens for you.

“and to purge that which was in your hearts…”

To purge is to get rid, the tests therefore happen to rid from your hearts what isn’t of it or from it. Anything caused to it by environment, or affects of core wounds and it’s core beliefs. Your ego is programmed with isnt from It.

This part of verse…made me feel raw emotions….I felt care from it…. deep awe evoking care, I have a heart worth the attention of divine cleansing? and attention? To restore it whilst unaware something was even contaminated with it in the first place?

If that isn’t kindness, profound understanding and protection towards me, I don’t know what is.

“and Allah is All­Knower of what is in (your) breasts”. (Aali Imran 3:154)

Because what we are unconscious of, he is not. He saw how our ego unconsciously formed. He was there, no one understands you more than him. Because no other person had front row seats. He is the best to validate you and vindicate you to yourself. This verse in Surah Imran evoked emotions of gratitude within me, that I pray are put on my scales.

Never abandon your ship. Because your story and needs, that you mentally checked out from, Allah never did. What that simply means is he was going to assist it, Will still assist it. Is sufficient to not just assist, but create to facilitate your needs perfectly and often in ways you didn’t expect or anticipate.

Allah doesn’t move from us we move from him. When we stay on our ships he assists in ways, all of what we were anxious of don’t even come into fruition. It doesnt get a part to play in the meticulously destined reality he has planned.

In entering the storm you run from yourself. Thus true abandonment is being left to your intellect. It’s the provision you took, and the loss here is the provision of Allah’s aid that you left behind.

Your ship, is your souls home, the place Allah enters…