Bitter Truths

I didn’t realise how painful my truth could be until I stopped resisting a crucial one that told me I wasn’t at peace.

I was astonished by how easily my non peace then transmuted into peace, by simply embracing that truth and not resisting it.

I didnt consciously experience true surrender until I emptied out my heart to Allah and the words “I refuse..” came out as I did, only to suddenly see it intercepted with the realisation that I couldn’t refuse what is and so I didn’t and there it was….the light liberating feeling of surrender. Enveloping me with the peace that was blocked out,  by the mental position I was unconciously guarding in matter.

Some days later the transcendence above, ushered me into a new time line where I found & discovered myself carrying a profound truth. One where I knew I loved certain people, whose behaviour I was not enthusiastic about. There is no either or, both state of beings encapsulated my true feelings and that is OK. Yet very telling..

I thought my lack of enthusiasm was a form of judgement at first so I resisted that to, like a void in my heart respect would have otherwise filled. I felt that If I could give meaning to how I felt about another’s behaviour that I wasn’t enthusiastic about, then how I felt would be valid. But how I feel is valid even if my mind has not grasped its reasons fully yet & it can’t until I feed it this new awareness to file in its archive, because the old one was programmed to not register how I feel. 

It’s  not my task to find meaning in what another does it’s my task to discern what it means to me and why, that’s the meaning that matters.  What does it teach me? What can I transcend through it etc

In acceptance & understanding of this, I found a world of clarity behind the lack of enthusiasm I felt because it didn’t mask the love I feel for the other, nor does it wrestle or compete with it. (Unless ego enters equation) All of it just is, Inner turmoil is a result of being pulled apart at the seams of your truth and true harmony is established in the abence of the fragmentation of any part of you. 

This was a truth I struggled to give a home to, a truth i resisted until i had to face the incongruency inside me, that was not willing to give resistance, a home in its place. It was a truth I was consciously embracing holistically.

I may love a person for who they are holistically but my security and wellbeing is my responsibility, to give myself and to maintain in a space that doesn’t hinder how I thrive in doing that in any way. So if you behave in ways that don’t honour or take into considerations my needs as a human being. I have to believe not resist what I feel because the only closure I need is the one I discern for myself. Uninfluenced by my egos judgment of ones actions and unaffected by others lack of understanding towards my discernment itself.

What one needs, respects, holds space for, or resonates with, are all matters dictated by ones  values and heart not intellectualisation of affairs and conditioned mental positions. When you can’t accept your truth, resentment flourishes through blame or judgment and people judge because they are either not standing in their power or are giving it away. In this case their power that would accept what is. 

Bitter truths aren’t the enemy they are  gateways to making informed decisions about what you should sacrifice or prioritise. Your wellbeing shouldn’t be up for negotiation in the former, ever.

I think this is what Maya Angelou meant by “When someone shows you who they are believe them”

Inability to do so, is a result of resistance towards a bitter truth and it’s that resistance that fragments an individual depriving them of inner harmony. There is a conflict within that occurs, that can only be neutralised and stabilised through unconditional commitment to how one feels. 

 

Sacred Convergence

I did what I did because I love me. In following my heart for eternity I’ll honour love…I’ll honour it enough for us both.

Self love is my compass & self doubt is misguidance. The only proof I have that what I did was the right thing to do, is in the inner peace I felt after I did it.

I don’t know where this path leads but in hope I have created a home. My soul occupies it with contentment, gratitude and love.

I-do-not- wish-to-leave 

 

 

 

Intimacy🔓Into me see

See my innocence when I’m guilty, my love when I’m angry. My fullness when I’m empty. My worth when I feel dejected. 

See my patience for what it is, love and endurance that honours your needs.

Can you see my vulnerability when I’m militant. My tender heart when it’s firm & principled. 

Miss me when im there and love me in my absence.

Can you hear the things I do not say and  understand the things I did share. 

Can you see my hope amidst my doubts & my courage amidst my fears.

Can you grasp the whys that make up my life & can you see your future in my eyes.

Intimacy happens when you connect with all of me. Intimacy is the language of my heart. I’m greater than the sum of my parts, I know…because into me I looked and I saw…that I am whole.

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That someone understands intimacy

Potential vs states & stages of Growth

Compassion and balance are replenished and summoned in, through the awareness that where a person stands during a particular stage or moment in their growth. Doesn’t take away from the potential carried within their soul.

Separate your state and stages in and during growth, from your potential that is your worth. If you do that for yourself you can develop and cultivate perceptions about others that are balanced and just.

Don’t hold one to their potential through expectancy and desires whilst forgetting their state or stage of growth during circumstances that arise. Doing so leads to warped conclusions that hurt you and others.

You hurt because you feel let down or denied love because you aren’t worth the effort or are simply too much. The other is hurt because lack is reflected back to them about them, because they didn’t meet your desires or fulfil expectations.

 

 

 

Mistakes & Me

I wasnt  allowed to make mistakes but didn’t realise it was me who made that rule, my way. To have hope in me is love having faith in you the same.

When you feel you arent allowed to make mistakes. Make sure it isn’t a rule you’ve unconsciously placed upon yourself. To have hope in me is love and having faith in you the same. Only through your hearts desires & resonation, can you discern the reality you need to thrive and create a reality that incorporates your potential. Love guides to nourishment that encompasses all