Love & it’s Acceptance

Love is a state of being that beams no matter what your head space is spewing in a moment due to some pain or grief.

When it’s true it just is, without any conditions regulating its state. 

The greatest gift love comes to give is its willingness to collude with our soul. To teach us, that on the sometimes painstaking journey to wholeness. Only through the acceptance of the presence of its beam will we make it unfragmented. That this can be achieved and to truly self actualise, the heart can not be blocked, or it’s truth repressed  because ones ego consciousness doesn’t know how or even want to make space for it. 

We can leave alone the love that’s there and still erect healthy boundaries. We can leave alone the love that’s there and not abandon ourselves.  

Truly the ultimate test of true love is about shining a light on our potential to let love flow, in spite of all that calls us to deny and resist its existence. It’s about healing the obstacles in the way of this. As the obstacles are also the same ones that block our route to wholeness.

If there is love in your heart and a lot going on in your life that hurts, than there is just love in your heart and a lot going on. This in itself is a truth that when micromanaged or compartmentalised in anyway, with edits of resistance from ego, suffering can ensue. 

Suffering ends when we become real with our truths and the truth here is that a state of love in our heart, should be acknowledged and prioritised because it’s our state of being in a moment.

 I use to think it’s the business of the one it’s felt for too. This thinking was the battlefield my ego won on so many rounds because when I love you and you hurt me, when I love you and im feeling neglected. I suffer the results of the warped perception, that my love is also the responsibility of the external factors it relates to.

My inability to get rid of the love in my heart, (because I saw it as a part of another who through my perception didn’t do right by it) was percieved as defeat. To leave it alone was to me validation of the experience that bought me to the internal conflict in the first place.  My ego wanted me to wrap up my feelings and throw it away and my soul wanted me to embrace it unconditionally. To not fight the current of what is, but rather to flow with it. 

When love beams through you it’s a state of being that engulfs you. You can resist it and suffer or let it be and realise that you don’t have to share what’s within, by default that it is within.  

You can can take inventory of all that seeks out what’s in your inner world and let your hearts resonance decide if its worthy of a response.

I’m learning through my soul, that to hold space for the love in my heart, is to not be emotionally unavailable to myself. But rather to be available unconditionally.

Who would of thought that the door to liberation in this matter, was the very one I closed because I perceived it to be entrapment. 

Trapped in vulnerability 

Trapped in fear 

Trapped by a perception that did not really see me.

Only Allah can take away the illusions that entrap us and put in its place his grace that guides & empowers us.

When love is percieved as your business you become the captain of your ship. Sailing through the storms of life in the direction of what fulfils you. Protecting your essence, your gold because it’s of value & more importantly understanding what it truly means to value what’s yours first and foremost yourself.  

 

 

Love over Fear

Lately I feel like I’ve been in another world going with the flow. A lot of intense energies bringing about a lot of purges. They keep hitting like tsunami waves. Leaving  as quickly as it came…..because ive not been fighting it. As soon as I see something coming up mid field I look within my heart and ask “what do you need?” listening lovingly to the answer it gives. There has been a lot of ‘sit down‘ & “rest for a moment” 

I mean it doesn’t even matter to me that I have to sometimes consciously look for a place to sit. All I care about is my  intent to honour what I need. So I need somewhere private, where in that moment I can just be at home with my emotions that’s fine not complicated anymore. However it wasn’t my norm,  I mostly pretty much use to treat feelings like a virus. All I want to do now is to follow my heart and honour its every need. As cliche as that sounds…..When I sit down I find it healing because whatever I feel passes through like a cool breeze on a hot summer afternoon. 

What this has done is freed up a lot of space within me. Space that resistance use to fill with false promise of safety or illusions of strength. Space that misunderstanding clogged up with restlessness and bulldozing of my own soul.

A lot of what I’ve been learning has centred around my needs it’s unbelievable.

~Awareness of my needs

~Acknowledging my needs

~Expressing my needs 

and the hardest of all…

~Honouring my needs.

There is a lot up in the air awaiting results or conclusions where my affairs are concerned I kid you not. But despite all of that, internally all I feel 80% of the time is harmony.

The current energies maybe intense but it is ushering us into a new world. I feel that strongly because for the first time in my life I’m not afraid of the unknown.  I’m on a plane of faith because only through divine grace…. in being taught what not to do, I’ve recieved the gift of knowing what to do.

Relief is contingent upon honouring your needs. Choosing to act through a base of love over fear. This choice requires that you follow a compass that points to meeting your needs before anything else.  

I use to hear a lot how we are co creators of our reality. I believe that so deeply because in every moment we make a choice through either love or fear.

Choose love, you know it’s a choice through love when it leads you to inner peace. When you act through listening to felt perception over mental noise.

The current energies are intense because this is the very lesson it’s grounding into our being. How varies for each and every one of us. It’s not just about a new beginning it’s an emotional re set. 

Reunion with my heart….till death do us part

When I first learnt that the language of the psyche is fear it altered how I related to and identified with my thoughts. When I learnt that the language of the emotional body is pain.  It redefined how I view and treat my feelings. It gave me understanding and a new sense of patience where before I met it with discomfort and intolerance.

I have to say I was most awestruck by being guided to understand the language of my heart. It’s been a mixture of gratitude and wonder getting to know the language it communicates to me through. I’ve always experienced it, I just didn’t know how to precieve it consciously for what it is and not knowing that meant I was also prone to not listen to it. Not unless it could blast through and silence fear and not unless it could by pass pain so that I don’t feel.

What a daunting task for my heart to over come in order to make itself heard by me. What’s truly merciful and charitable is despite this unconscious, irrational low-key subduing  task presented to it. The language of the heart was decreed in such a way that it could work with and even around someone like me.

Knowing the language of the heart is felt perception has changed my life. The second that lightbulb went on I felt ushered into a new dimension the kind that I want to stay in forever.

Through felt perception the heart manages to whisper in ways that pose competent challenges to the psyches language of fear. It also manages to soothe through ease the emotional bodies language of pain.

This is its humanitarian way of meeting the task I set for it. Through this leniency I see the vastness of love and wisdom placed in the human heart.

Through felt perception the heart communicates things that have power to melt away illusion and to provide a hoverboard of nurturing care that ensures one lands in the midst of pain whole.

It is one thing to understand that the heart has a will of its own and another to experience how that will takes form.

It may sound crazy but I think I heard my hearts voice. Not through sound but through feeling. It felt like an earnest yet assured plea and it felt like It was at a cross road of a make or break concerning me. As if it was experiencing its last chance, clinging firmly to a thinning thread of hope, wanting me to come back to it, wishing  I would.  I felt something get activated in my heart and in that moment I didn’t just feel but it was like I saw. 

I’ve been in a strange daze ever since this happened. Its like a reunion took place and I felt deeply committed. Committed to the heart that I devalued. Happy for a second chance and grateful for its immense unconditional love. 

I understand your language now and listening is as important to me as the air that I breathe. 

I’m surprised a reunion took place because I was never aware I even left.

DROPS OF EASE

Crying for me was a pivot point I didn’t like to reach.  Now it’s a point of rest, where when I arrive I do not flee.

When I cry,  on that Hollywood hill sign I see in my mind, I see the word “healing” 

When I cry I feel replenished, I feel parts of myself that I felt bad for abandoning. I release tension and grief.

That is because tears remove blocks of resistance. Through letting them flow in my private space I receive clarity and ease because when I’m in a state of self acceptance and love like that. I’m aware that I am in a state of surrender and hope. I know Allah who sees my tears counts them and wipes them away.

Looking back my hidden tears kept me alive because his divine mercy was the only refuge I truly allowed my heart to have.

Allowing yourself to cry isn’t a sign of defeat it’s a sign of strength. It’s refusal to be overwhelmed or to be over come. It’s celebration that didn’t happen…I’ve never cried for anything except to make space for a strain on my heart or gratitude I felt in it.

Drop tears when you need to, as it drops ease that heal and comfort you. Never regret a moment when you surrendered to your hearts will to breathe, because that is what crying truly is. Breathing, choosing to be free, breathing, appreciating that you are. Breathing and just being..

 

 

This above all: to thine own self be true.

Every living organism is fulfilled when it follows the right path for its own nature. ~Marcus Aurelius

Today I was teaching a class and mid lesson as I spoke about the importance of adhering to the agreed scope of ones job role. My intuition jumped out at me. I felt this intense but fulfilling serenity descend over me. I honestly don’t give myself enough credit for having the worlds greatest poker face!

I was teaching the students that it was important to adhere to the scope of their job role because it ensures that they meet their responsibilities, their legal obligations. It is important so they don’t commit to work beyond it. Important so that they do not end up overextending themselves, unless from their own volition which is really use of intiative.

I told them adhering to the scope of their job role cultivates deeper understanding of boundaries, theirs and those of others. How in turn that maintains respect in the workplace and replenishes and decorates the quality of their  professionalism. Lastly how it teaches and safeguards the concept of true accountability because they would have a solid reference point to evaluate themselves through and from.

Example your boss gives you feed back that states you are not doing enough. When you adhere to the scope of your job role and you have conscience awareness that you did just that. You are in a good position to discern that your boss is being unfair. That he/she has expectations of you beyond your pay etc

Likewise when you know deep down that you haven’t been adhering to the scope of your job role. That you have been winging it or slacking here there. You are able to embrace your bosses assessment, take the criticism and appreciate that you are being given an opportunity to turn things around.

It was at this point my intuition highlighted how everything I was saying applied to the nurturing of our very own soul.

What if your job role in this world was to self actualise?. What if the scope of this job consisted of you meeting with out hindrance (your own or that of others) the obligations that come with self actualisation i.e standing in unconditional self love and acceptance. What if reaching a state of wholeness was your job role.

I thought about this on the way home especially the accountability part. We live in times where existential crisis is on the rise. People knowingly or unknowingly test the boundaries of others. Triggers galore, shame and guilt shackle most.

An individuals inner authority isn’t something that is tapped into as a default. Doubt or fear or a combination of both, interrupt the flow. People are not present in the now, they either have a foot in the past (grief) or a foot in the future (anxiety) distracting them from harmony that can be harnessed now.

We end up consumed by deadlines and to do lists. Consumed by meeting the needs of loved ones even at the expense of our own needs. Consumed by desires we feel are out of reach. Time to ones own self is seen as idle, time allotted to outside of ones self productive. A lot is on ones plate because they are not adhering to the scope of their job role alone.

They have over extended and over committed themselves. They have censored or abandoned themselves.  In this high paced life where people march like cattle surviving not thriving. Boundaries whether violated or not, isn’t something that can be processed adequately, because to process effectively stillness/awareness is required. When you just do you can’t receive, you are on the run with 21 seconds to go.

So not only are your own boundaries crossed unnoticeably, even if you feel it, but you can not recognise how & when you are infringing on those of others, even if you feel that too. Recognition requires conscious awareness, feelings can’t be deciphered without it so they unfortunately end up a moot point.

Result of this is we end up repelling each other (respect isn’t maintained) and professionalism is what…. if not symbolic in this topic for our humaneness. Our humanness that isn’t replenished, because it isn’t on display, it isn’t benefited from so what’s there to ‘decorate’

When we adhere to the scope of our job (reaching wholeness) we have lines drawn. You know what you have to do. Even if you are lost you know acceptance of that is part of the scope of your job too. To surrender to what is instead of fixating on what could be or what isn’t. Your ‘location’ is recognised on the sat nav directing to your wholeness. Reach your destination organically through divine timing.

I think a lot of the pain we suffer especially in regards to shame or burdens we shoulder. Is because we are not, in such moments aligned with our individual roles. Focus becomes scattered when it’s insisted on making an appearance in dual and polarised situations.

You take on too much, or too little, you over extend or under commit. You can’t hold your self accountable efficiently because you have no base to spring from. You therefore either accept responsibility for what’s not yours or fail to take responsibility for what is.

Not adhering to the scope of your job is the mother of all chaos. Chaos you attract to your life and chaos you bring to others.

Order can not come from disorder so when we feel imbalanced or worn down I think introspection in regards to how we step or stepped outside of ourselves is of utmost importance.

When we do this we are in a good position to pinpoint a problem from a soul space. An intention for correction is thereafter cultivated organically. You find harmony in the midst of chaos because you manage to get yourself back in lane and you also manage to see how others are in your lane. What you see you can approach, what you are blind to you cannot.

I’m only ever truly content when I adhere to the scope of my job because I feel connected with that, I flow through it. When I pause to reflect upon the why’s behind why im content even if others are not, I get to check in and reinforce my values and standards.

Adhering to the scope of your job is simply to do your part, you aid the collective in goodness when you do, it’s the only and best thing you can do because in hindsight you have control over yourself. Struggle is a domino effect when we don’t adhere to the scope of our jobs. It tastes like food with out salt. I personally feel like goldilocks looking for that right porridge. When the only way to make it just right, is if you make it yourself. You can not when you get out of your own lane. You can not when you are not adhering to the scope of your own job, and you may not yet understand, what it is because…

Our goals are not achieved if all our energy given to us to achieve the goal and self-actualization is directed towards being accepted by our surroundings and to meet their requirements ~Sunday Adelaja

Intimacy🔓Into me see

See my innocence when I’m guilty, my love when I’m angry. My fullness when I’m empty. My worth when I feel dejected. 

See my patience for what it is, love and endurance that honours your needs.

Can you see my vulnerability when I’m militant. My tender heart when it’s firm & principled. 

Miss me when im there and love me in my absence.

Can you hear the things I do not say and  understand the things I did share. 

Can you see my hope amidst my doubts & my courage amidst my fears.

Can you grasp the whys that make up my life & can you see your future in my eyes.

Intimacy happens when you connect with all of me. Intimacy is the language of my heart. I’m greater than the sum of my parts, I know…because into me I looked and I saw…that I am whole.

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That someone understands intimacy

Internalised Untruths

Emotional abuse has many faces, you’ll miss it most when it’s your own.

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It happens quickly, what’s unfortunate is the domino effect that follows. Thoughts are a vibration so they get met with an emotion upon coming into ‘existence’. When the inner critic re affirms a negative belief you unconsciously hold to be true about yourself. The emotion that meets it, usually grief sadness, shame, guilt or unease. Is enough to paralyse a person into a state of dejection.

Had anyone else said what your own mind said to you about you. You would not remain in their company. It’s emotional abuse pure but not simple. What doesn’t make it simple is the inclination to believe it. Most people identify with their thoughts. They think it’s what they think because they thought it. This is particularly dangerous when it comes to taking the words of the inner critic without question, because those untruths that  it relentlessly shares with you, originated from you.

Thoughts are recycled information from past experiences, with no real base connection to truth always. The mind throws it out most of the time just because, and sometimes because it is what it stored and acknowledged as relevant through previous experience. The intent of the mind is to provide what it has stored, so that you may calibrate it in correlation to the present issue. The mind therefore is meeting its primary function of assisting you to navigate the what is. What’s wrong isn’t what the mind does but what it is given to work with in the first place. This is why it’s said the mind can be re programmed.

The evolution of self from ego to soul space can   not happen successfully without the mind being re trained. It is re trained every time you alter the way you experience what causes you harm. The mind doesn’t discriminate with the information it stores. The more you come from a heart space that resonates with what’s true, the more the mind acknowledges this phenomena and stores its ‘new’ findings. So the next time you experience something pulling you into the low vibrational state of dejection the mind will throw out what it thinks is relevant what it thinks can be calibrated to achieve results that serve your highest good. Your highest good is served when the mind  works in tandem with the heart not in opposition to it.  This team work has the soul at the forefront so harmony is created in the place of imbalance.

Ive seen many types of emotional abuse, but the worst  I’ve ever witnessed because it had  no consequence, even the bare minimum of it being seen for what it is. Is the kind of emotional abuse we subject ourselves to. The kind that comes out of our own mouths against  ourselves. Even if it doesn’t reach the mouth and remains a thought in the head. There is still commitment to it. It is believed, it receives attentive, active listening and so it wounds, erodes ans ultimately destroys.

A persons Self esteem is at the mercy of what they do with their own thoughts.

The inner critic or the inner bully only has power to cause harm through ones thoughts because the abuse it spouts is already believed.   The inner critic doesn’t create untruths to emotionally abuse with. It re affirms untruths that are already internalised to be true.

These untruths spoken by our own minds cause worse harm than words spouted by others.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt”  Whoever originally said this was not talking about the inner bully that lives rent free in ones psyche.

Most people have a tendency to call out and usually confront a foul uttered by others. In some cases they even dissect and dismantle the untruth for what it is. This happens based on the feelings felt on account of harmful statements they are subjected to, as being the fault of the other. The logic is the other person is responsible for the negative emotions I am experiencing. ( hence the reaction the abuser receives.)

When the abuser is yourself however, this process  is halted by shame. The untruth is internalised not challenged or confronted or even projected.

The battle within will always be the hardest battle one faces. It is no easy feat by any measure, but it is worth the turmoil if in the process you discover the root of the untruths you’ve internalised. Healing begins as the falsehood that keeps a wound alive dissolves and it dissolves as you begin to look at what you believe and why.

I find looking at the voice of the inner bully/critic as a teacher pointing out a untruth helps greatly. It may have come to re affirm an untruth but through awareness of what it is and what it does, you are in a position to receive, being receptive is a position of power because it connects you back to your only true sense of control, self control. You can choose how to receive the inner critics effort  to harm.  By re defining its presence as a teacher that came to expose an untruth you have internalised as true.

Seeing the voice of the inner bully as clues to untruths you’ve internalised to be true. Can help with growth and healing. When you are present you are in your soul space and your soul isn’t affected by the voice of the inner bully as the soul is motivated towards wholeness because it is created whole.

What came to cause harm can be transmuted into what helps if you precieve what is, from a soul space. If you observe you can feel and when you feel you receive soul perception.

“Actions are powerful, but it’s important to acknowledge so are the emotions. Emotional abuse can be the most painful thing a person can endure. Because it’s abuse of your soul & mind” ~ La Tasha Braxton

It’s abuse of your soul because the untruths of the inner critic attempts to shackle and erase your souls potential by insisiting on the reality that entraps it.  It’s abuse of the mind because it halts it from its original pure function of being of assistance to the soul. Its natural to have a tendency to check what’s outside of us, but not what’s within. Emotional abuse  has many faces, don’t miss it when it’s your own.

 

Deadlock

When you reach an impasse during your growth. It’s easy to scatter your focus by thinking there is some lack blocking your progress. The deadlock is space, its there to weild that scattered focus back to the present moment, where your soul is carrying your substance. The clarity found in that present moment is what ego attempts to deter you from through a siege on your focus.

The goal is to make you avoid feeling your feelings. It came through a spiritual back door because it knows you are committed to your growth and value that integrity remains ensconced in your conscience. The impasse therefore occurs because the ego entered through a ‘spiritual’ back door.

On the one hand you are aware of your heart and intuition telling you to stand still. But on the other there is a strangehold in your energy that doesn’t seem or feel like ego, but is enough to disrupt, you don’t know how to stand still. Confusion penetrates the space where clarity could enter.

Ever ask yourself “what do you mean sit with my damn feelings?” lol it made me think about the shame induced statement “she’s in her feelings” most of us grew up around.

Thats just it lmaoo you need to go in your feelings to feel them. Sitting with your feelings means that. The shame induced statement carried (probably made by someone’s ego and used by ours unconsciously at some point or another ) carries the solution. 

When the ego enters through a back door it’s trying to survive through mimicking your soul. So to navigate the space of deadlock where progress is halted. You have centre back your focus so you use feelings to explore feelings. 

Emotions and feelings aren’t the same thing, emotions are sensations when thoughts occur during an experience. They are physical reactions to your thoughts. Feelings extend beyond the body because it’s a state of conciousness where perceiving occurs. Therefore you can use your feelings to precieve   What’s behind your emotions subhanallah.

This is why when you skip past sitting with your emotions you go straight into addictive behaviours. Meaning your go to reactions when your ego perceives a threat from an experience.  It’s this Impulsive or addictive behaviour ego cultivated and stamped safe most of ones life, that people regret or feel “dirty” about later. That “dirty” or shame like feeling is also carrying guidance to show you that you a) aren’t aligned with your highest self from a soul space and therefore b) you are moving or have moved away from what supports your highest good & self.

When you skip your emotions you go straight into the behaviour that acts out addictions. Emotions that are sat with are emotions that are experienced because they  have been observed & explored. How do you experence it? By not by passing (resisting) how it feels inside your body. I normally do that when I make comments like “wow ok!” In that moment there is something that either hurt, shocked or surprised me uncomfortably. That’s the emotion, it’s waves through my body is what i need to drop  into. Doing that is what leads my true feelings to come through to produce perception from a centred place which ultimately bring guidance. You may slip into your thoughts at some point so it’s important to not beat yourself up, you just drop back in and start again.

Emotions that are experienced are emotions that heal because they have been accepted and so they have organically been allowed to flow unconditionally and transform themselves.

Its during this process that your feelings release the guidance it carries for you. The healing occurs because the thoughts the mind throws out due to an experience dictate vibrations. That vibration is an emotion, when you pause you are sitting with that emotion. You are aware it and the thought that dictated its vibration are not you.  At this point your in a soul space you are witnessing this and exploration becomes in depth the moment you observe and wonder how this emotion feels in your body the emotion thus is consciously  being explored by your feelings.

Emotions  are a part of your feelings but not your feelings in and of it self. Power of Perception & definition has been handed to your feelings not thoughts. So healing occurs. The emotion loses its grip because you’ve let it flow and in doing so experienced it.

Allah placed iman/faith in the emotional body and not psyche for this reason. Through feelings he guides.

“For each one are successive [angels] before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah . Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves..” (Quran 13:11)

The angels by his decree protect you as support for your soul, because shaytan through wiswaas supports your ego.

Indeed Allah will not change the condition of person who skipped the very process he would have done it in.

To sit with your emotions is to surrender, doing that reduces and removes resistance, in the absence of resistance you connect with presence to your feelings. That’s how it  directs and positions you to be receptive towards his guidance. 

Allah is so merciful for how he makes things go full circle alhamdulilaah.

Integrating the Shadow part 3 ~Current energy~ chapter 2

“Accepting all the good and bad about someone. It’s a great thing to aspire to. The hard part is actually doing it.”
~Sarah Dessen

It’s hard because to do it you have to first accept what you deem ‘bad’ about yourself. One can’t do that without facing their shadow and inviting it home & to face your shadow in this aspect is a journey in and of itself.

For instance I think it’s hard for some people to ‘ accept’ the bad in others, because most people have been taught acceptance cannot occur with out micromanaging themselves. So Acceptance, for them  is experienced at the expense of partial loss or total loss of themselves.

There are a host of things that pave way for this fallacy. The pinnacle of them all is the subject of this blog entry. It is the belief that understanding means acceptance.

It doesn’t, understanding simply means understanding. It’s a state of being that occurs because one has awareness of a matter. They have insight about a matter so can exercise comprehension regarding it.

This insight or awareness helps cultivate sound judgement. Without sound judgement warped conclusions can be formed.

So understanding is an indication of tolerance if anything, not acceptance.  The confusion arises in that sometimes we accept what we understand (but that’s a whole other topic) in summary if I understand you that doesn’t mean I’m necessarily in agreement with you. Or have no opinions of my own about a matter as it relates to me as an individual. I can understand and support even if I don’t agree. Likewise I can understand and do nothing. Acceptance of this is to accept me as I am, as I stand how I am, unapologetically. 

You ever spoke to someone who genuinely shared with you something that goes against your ethos? Or even made you uncomfortable?  If you are aware that this person is expressing something about themselves and not you. You are well positioned to absorb the topic. It may be that in some way you get, why they did or wanted to do what ever they shared, that caused discomfort in you.

Despite your feelings you get it, because you understand the motivation. It may go against your ethos but that doesn’t take away from the fact that you understood their position.

What takes away from others is not their understanding, but their understanding being misconstrued as acceptance by the one who was understood, or by those who didn’t understand how they could understand.

I have situations coming to mind as I write this where Its even been claimed, that i was in agreement with something I never co signed simply because I showed understanding about it?

I would be told things akin to  “Even Gem understood” (statement made in context of defence towards another) Such statements in such contexts imply I was in agreement.  So my understanding that allowed me to have tolerance,  in the flip of a switch becomes a weapon used for securing validation.

Another scenario is when ones understanding is used to bring a charge of bias. A charge that sets out to limit the other by way of defence so the one charging you with something is spared from experiencing their own internal turmoil.

These are the kind of cases one can catch, on mere grounds of having an ability to understand something. There are other cases also, where lack or absence of understanding is attributed to, or presumed about someone, to explain away or absolve ones self of not having to deal with some tension or issue.  This undermines the other and is somewhat  offensive. 

With out self trust or unconditional self love one would be swept away under any of these circumstances. because their reality is somewhat ‘seized’. It isn’t left alone for them to govern.

The shadow side to any of the above effects occurring happen in two main folds

Firstly ones own relationship with understanding results in avoidance and dislike towards it. They at times develop the fallacy that to understand is to agree. Or If aware of that fallacy, they  see others tendency to presume agreement on account of understanding troublesome. If neither the worst is their innate attribute of being understanding is experienced as a burden.

This can lead them to inintentionally invalidating others because they opt to flee from their own feelings. Or they bring into equation all that goes against their ethos. When from a balanced state they would have understood  that a) it isn’t about them and b) there is no shame in their understanding, on the contrary it’s a good thing.

The other shadow side is resentment by way of perceiving an injustice at play or a delusion at play.

Personally I was prone to experience these shadow effects in different intervals, and able to integrate them. The latter shadow side however, I experienced the  most intensely. I made a decision to sit with how that part of me felt.

What I found at the root of it was a sense of feeling loss of control. The irony is the loss in itself is an illusion, because you never have control over anything other than yourself to begin with. So I looked deeper at what I felt loss of control about and the answer to that was fear of  not being able to effectively protect my ‘essence’  from possible contamination. This made me see the face of my shadow (so to speak) because the root to its anger, was connected to  threats to my integrity.  That was the contamination.  

I felt a sense of liberation about this realisation subhanallah because in essence it also integrated a huge aspect of my shadow. An aspect the ego would use to try assert itself,  this time it was acknowledged consciously, I allowed myself to witness it and really LISTEN to it.

This shadow aspect was the most intense to consciously witness, because it reflected the rejected part of me, I deemed inappropriate or ruthless? when all it did was govern my boundaries with firmness! Boundaries protect us and makes our essence known in the process. It draws the line in the sand for where we end and others begin. Without them contamination and infringement of (insert what means something to you) occurs.

The current energy as mentioned in a previous post (Here  ) has been working through me in terms of balance. Balance of mind body and soul. This harmonisation is the roof of my soul structure.

You can not integrate a shadow side without first witnessing the egos attempt to use its voice to assert itself and then from a concious place denying it access.

The sting you feel in that moment is a sign the ego is wounded. The effect of an ego death is more intense. I think there is a difference and it’s connected to how the ego entered equation to begin with.

If it “tried” or “attempted” to infiltrate and failed then it got wounded, the attempt is a sign of its lack of confidence in it being a done deal. That means it’s experienced ego deaths before.

If it comes through asserting itself with assurance and then dies, then that results in ego death. The assurance is a sign it’s not been knocked back before.

I digress, but after the sting, you find yourself wrapped in sakinah/calmness.

For me inner peace is safety and stability as it’s a sign of mercy from Allah that I instantly recognise. Inner peace is my souls approval, it’s a message that I’m home in this moment, safe and whole.

(Side note) I wrote integrating the shadow parts 1 & 2 (Here & Here) last year august. I had an intent to finish with a part 3, but it collapsed mid way on me. I intuitively knew it was because I didn’t have the missing pieces to the puzzle, and pieces existed. So I shrugged and parked it. Whatever I wrote at the time was lost. In my heart I knew at the right time it will find itself. Tonight I was guided to complete it, without even realising I was. According to my soul structure I embody and then get taught what I’ve embodied after. To own your shadow in its various forms is to find balance between mind body & soul.

The shadow is connected to all. Through the emotional body it leaks to make its presence known. Through the mind it infiltrates its voice and through the soul, lys the connect to and yearn for home.

 

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