Forgiveness soothes the heart and acts as a barrier that keeps out the fire of resentment. It aligns one to stand with their authentic power, instead of comfort that deceives them from the realisation that they aren’t standing in it or worse have actually given it away.
Forgiveness is to give up the hope that the past could be any different and in managing that, we come to understand the present is all that we have and all that we need. To ensure a future, that encompasses the difference that was hoped for.
They say Forgiveness is to set free a prisoner only to find out that the prisoner was yourself. A prisoner, imprisoned from aligning with their truth. The kind of truth that swooshes past like a warm summer breeze. That whispers in spite of all that hurt you….. there is a part of your heart that remains pure (unblocked), that it is guarded by a part of you that wants to be acknowledged without shame or resistance.
Only when we do acknowledge it, can we begin to finally heal and be free. Free from our own self judgment that has kept out the loving presence & truth of our soul.
After forgiveness, I found disappointment that left me sometimes feeling dejected & sometimes displaced. Some days ok…some days not so.
I prayed, asking Allah to reveal whats of benefit to me. To guide me to the root of what causes me re occurring imbalances and I realised the feeling of disappointment that plagues my heart, carries a message asking me to acknowledge my truth unconditionally.
And my authentic truth is that I don’t feel fulfilled. It’s like with this realisation came the death of what once was and the birth of a new adventure. That I don’t feel afraid of embarking upon.
Fulfilment is a gift no one can give you but yourself. It requires the courage to not settle for anything less than what you know in your heart you deserve and prefer. The gps towards our fulfilment is planted in the heart. The directions towards it are heard as intuition.
Disappointment hurts because it is easy for the ego to infiltrate the space it squats in and take us down valleys of blame and judgment. Such valleys aren’t fulfilling when at times the ones we judge and blame, we also love. (This includes ourselves) our emotional body will always reject falsehood with more feelings of discomfort. Truth settles in the heart, like a gentle swaying leaf lands where Allah willed for it to land. It doesn’t disturb through suffering, it just makes itself known.
We always have a choice to choose our stories, one of my biggest mistakes was to hope for those who I believe cared for me, write one worthy of me. In the parts where they were concerned or involved .
Until one day I realised not everyone who knows your worth also values it and quite often than not, it’s not even intentional not to. There could be distractions that ultimately have nothing to do with you.
And perhaps that is one of life’s most difficult lessons, that Allah wishes to teach us. I.e Even though our expectations carry some proof of knowledge of our own self worth (as seen through what we expect that we feel is good for us). It also carries proof that we don’t value that good enough ourselves. Enough to give it to our selves, instead of waiting for it from others who either don’t care, or do but are distracted in myriad of ways.
Seeking what fulfils you reminds you to not settle. It is the bedrock of self love because it doesn’t allow you to unconsciously hand over your power by operating from a lack based mentality. A mentality that entraps you in a story where your fulfilment is absent and waited on, for it to be opted in, by others.
I was guided to transmute the feeling of disappointment, into the authentic truth that I was witnessing unfulfilment. This simple mind shift empowers because it lies the onus of responsibility at your feet.
Through it we can seek what fulfils us by moving away from what doesn’t first and foremost. The reoccurring imbalances end by one’s moving away from what doesn’t serve them, because what plagues the heart in grief, is given ample room to be healed and what doesn’t serve is always a clue as to what doesn’t fulfil.
Staying in a vibration of disappointment leads to low vibrational feelings of sadness that the ego steers towards blame and judgment even towards your own self.
When we acknowledge the deeper truth that a matter isn’t fulfilling. We land in our soul space that has been ready to take responsibility, for our lack of feeling un fulfilled. We align with our soul truth that wants to take us towards the paths that align with our fulfilment.
If seeking fulfilment empowers, then it is because we are on the right track. It is because we aren’t giving away our power on the journey. It is because we aren’t choosing to let disappointment become our tent or our story.
It is because we are acknowledging our authentic reality, that this matter, this thing, this treatment, this place, this relationship, this job, this thought, this person or this plan, the way all this, currently is…Isn’t fulfilling me, something is missing and that matters.
Deciding it matters is the essence of stamping value on your hearts resonance. On your needs which ultimately are you. When what matters is realised, so is it’s value. When value is truly acknowledged, your perception and how you move shift.
This spiral of clarity upwards leads to wholeness. If the destination is wholeness, aligning with what fulfils you is the only way to get there. All other roads are mirages, illusions and ultimately dead ends.
Only you know what fulfils you, don’t deceive yourself. In life if we aren’t shifting due to the truth, we are looping due to unintentional self deception.
In every moment you are exactly where you are meant to be. Even if at times it didn’t or doesn’t seem like it. Who you are in essence, can never be diminished by what surrounds you.
Lately I feel like I’ve been in another world going with the flow. A lot of intense energies bringing about a lot of purges. They keep hitting like tsunami waves. Leaving as quickly as it came…..because ive not been fighting it. As soon as I see something coming up mid field I look within my heart and ask “what do you need?” listening lovingly to the answer it gives. There has been a lot of ‘sit down‘ & “rest for a moment”
I mean it doesn’t even matter to me that I have to sometimes consciously look for a place to sit. All I care about is my intent to honour what I need. So I need somewhere private, where in that moment I can just be at home with my emotions that’s fine not complicated anymore. However it wasn’t my norm, I mostly pretty much use to treat feelings like a virus. All I want to do now is to follow my heart and honour its every need. As cliche as that sounds…..When I sit down I find it healing because whatever I feel passes through like a cool breeze on a hot summer afternoon.
What this has done is freed up a lot of space within me. Space that resistance use to fill with false promise of safety or illusions of strength. Space that misunderstanding clogged up with restlessness and bulldozing of my own soul.
A lot of what I’ve been learning has centred around my needs it’s unbelievable.
~Awareness of my needs
~Acknowledging my needs
~Expressing my needs
and the hardest of all…
~Honouring my needs.
There is a lot up in the air awaiting results or conclusions where my affairs are concerned I kid you not. But despite all of that, internally all I feel 80% of the time is harmony.
The current energies maybe intense but it is ushering us into a new world. I feel that strongly because for the first time in my life I’m not afraid of the unknown. I’m on a plane of faith because only through divine grace…. in being taught what not to do, I’ve recieved the gift of knowing what to do.
Relief is contingent upon honouring your needs. Choosing to act through a base of love over fear. This choice requires that you follow a compass that points to meeting your needs before anything else.
I use to hear a lot how we are co creators of our reality. I believe that so deeply because in every moment we make a choice through either love or fear.
Choose love, you know it’s a choice through love when it leads you to inner peace. When you act through listening to felt perception over mental noise.
The current energies are intense because this is the very lesson it’s grounding into our being. How varies for each and every one of us. It’s not just about a new beginning it’s an emotional re set.
I don’t resonate with some of the paths I’ve walked down or the conversations that took place in them. It’s served what it came to serve and gifted me with new truths, values and ways of being. I’ve out grown the past because it’s fulfilled its duty to teach.
Be grateful if you can break clean.
You don’t find your worth you find your knowing of it and nothing is the same after that moment.
Life does provide and pinpoint some knowledge regarding your worth, like all that is within your divine birth right and/or perhaps all that is reflected back to you by your loved ones.
With that said there is an ocean of difference between knowing your rights and coming into knowledge of your worth. That difference is highlighted in the magical feeling that accompanies the latter. It’s as though in that moment you realise yourself.
Something as simple as understanding you have a right to matter, is not the same as coming to know that you actually do
Finding your knowing of your worth leads to actual solid embodiment. You go beyond intellectually understanding and knowing about it.
You find your knowing OF IT, when this happens you MEET your true self. It’s the moment your physical temporal self merges with your soul self. Emotional stability is provision carried only by your soul it’s what you feel when you step into it, it’s the jacket you wear when you come to know OF your worth. To find the knowing of your worth is akin to saying hello to your soul.
It is Liberation
Triggers are uncelebrated Blessings in disguise. Once a trigger stops having an effect it means healing on the things it occurred through, has happened. Allah’s timing for things are as perfect as he is, for he is time.
I thought my capacity to visit what triggered me with an intent to see where healing was still required, somewhat strange. Strange in comparison to avoiding or projecting outwardly, through a compulsion to control the feelings as if it’s the threat or problem (which is what I use to do).
It’s this strangeness that would also lead to my pleasant genuine surprise when the effect of a trigger was gone, and so with it the realisation that so was my interest in matter that bought it up. That surprise was my way of letting what’s new to me, marinate. With all the disconnect with my emotions marination through surprise is how I gave myself a moment to integrate what’s new.
I think once I understood what triggers stood for I found a new love~ dislike relationship with them. Love because of the healing it came to guide me to and dislike because of its timing sometimes. The dislike part I wasn’t able to trancend till recently. It happened through rememberance that Allah is time. ‘Able’ kinda credits something to my functioning. Truth is that was his mercy his tawfiiq.
I thought I was strange but I’m grateful Allah guided me to re define my strangeness as my souls strength.
Fatooba li ghuruba Give glad tidings to the strangers! Or the strange things about you.