The journey back to your natural disposition is tough love from Allah. This realisation transmutes so much in regards to lessons that mirror back your own self neglect. Through his tough love you are planned for and cared for. You can surrender to that plan and be grateful for that care. It’s implementation of hope & faith.
Tag: Self care
“I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.” ~Charles Cooley
The greatest gift you can give yourself is to take back your power of definition. The perception you have of yourself relies heavily on how you define things. How are you defining things? Is it based on a system of unconditional self love that houses your own values. Or a system of doubt that houses that of others?
If you have in any way let the opinions, truths, values and expectations of others guide or worse manage your reality. You need to take back your power of definition. Relinquishing that unconsciously is the root of the problem. A problem that can take years or even the good part of a life time for some to discover.
Your reality doesn’t hinge on things outside of you, if your heart doesn’t absorb something, it doesn’t. You can’t force it and you shouldn’t want to. Let the chips fall how it may, any cognitive dissonance that arises is Allah teaching you self trust. Your heart is your northern star not someone else’s listen to your own. Trust your own truth of who you are. Are you someone who has no agenda with truth? Are you someone who doesn’t lie to themselves and is open to growth however difficult? If yes then trust your heart and what it absorbs and doesn’t absorb .
Power of definition rests on trusting your hearts resonation. Especially when something is amiss, trust it even if it causes you turmoil. Clarity comes at dawn. leave the details behind implications of doing that, alone. The devil is in the detail for a reason, to get entangled in making sense of things, is how you lose your way to begin with.
We each have a system inside us that is sufficient to individually govern us. It’s unlocked by a key of self trust. A key you can’t access without unconditional self love.
Instead of scanning for an error in yourself as you are accustomed to. Trust your heart when it lovingly throws a middle finger up i.e when it stands firm against all odds. When it contradicts what you once held close. Firmness that doesn’t separate you from love is steadfastness.
Power of definition remains intact and whole when you let your heart define what is. Take off the lens that diverts you from stepping into your power of definition. It’s the mother of illusions. It Keeps one stuck in what was, as they miss what is. What is, is not threatened by what was. Not unless you are intolerant of the ebbs and flows of life.
There is a thin line between reassurance and validation. Between co operation and compromise. Between firmness and harshness, between tolerance and cowardice. Between authenticity and being an asshole.
To be aware that you’re treading on the thin line, when you are, is knowledge. To choose to lean towards the former in all of the above is wisdom.
Wisdom can not be cultivated with out consciousness. Nor go full circle without a platform of love for it to spring from.
Love for what’s good. Love for what’s just. Love in spite of, love just because, it’s your essence, make space for it.
The thin line teaches us a lot, it teaches us how we can easily cross between alignment and misalignment. How the choices we make every day support our highest good and how it can sabotage too.
Its not the choices we make that matter, but how we can ignore our conscious that calls for reflection about them.
This above all: to thine own self be true.
Every living organism is fulfilled when it follows the right path for its own nature. ~Marcus Aurelius
Today I was teaching a class and mid lesson as I spoke about the importance of adhering to the agreed scope of ones job role. My intuition jumped out at me. I felt this intense but fulfilling serenity descend over me. I honestly don’t give myself enough credit for having the worlds greatest poker face!
I was teaching the students that it was important to adhere to the scope of their job role because it ensures that they meet their responsibilities, their legal obligations. It is important so they don’t commit to work beyond it. Important so that they do not end up overextending themselves, unless from their own volition which is really use of intiative.
I told them adhering to the scope of their job role cultivates deeper understanding of boundaries, theirs and those of others. How in turn that maintains respect in the workplace and replenishes and decorates the quality of their professionalism. Lastly how it teaches and safeguards the concept of true accountability because they would have a solid reference point to evaluate themselves through and from.
Example your boss gives you feed back that states you are not doing enough. When you adhere to the scope of your job role and you have conscience awareness that you did just that. You are in a good position to discern that your boss is being unfair. That he/she has expectations of you beyond your pay etc
Likewise when you know deep down that you haven’t been adhering to the scope of your job role. That you have been winging it or slacking here there. You are able to embrace your bosses assessment, take the criticism and appreciate that you are being given an opportunity to turn things around.
It was at this point my intuition highlighted how everything I was saying applied to the nurturing of our very own soul.
What if your job role in this world was to self actualise?. What if the scope of this job consisted of you meeting with out hindrance (your own or that of others) the obligations that come with self actualisation i.e standing in unconditional self love and acceptance. What if reaching a state of wholeness was your job role.
I thought about this on the way home especially the accountability part. We live in times where existential crisis is on the rise. People knowingly or unknowingly test the boundaries of others. Triggers galore, shame and guilt shackle most.
An individuals inner authority isn’t something that is tapped into as a default. Doubt or fear or a combination of both, interrupt the flow. People are not present in the now, they either have a foot in the past (grief) or a foot in the future (anxiety) distracting them from harmony that can be harnessed now.
We end up consumed by deadlines and to do lists. Consumed by meeting the needs of loved ones even at the expense of our own needs. Consumed by desires we feel are out of reach. Time to ones own self is seen as idle, time allotted to outside of ones self productive. A lot is on ones plate because they are not adhering to the scope of their job role alone.
They have over extended and over committed themselves. They have censored or abandoned themselves. In this high paced life where people march like cattle surviving not thriving. Boundaries whether violated or not, isn’t something that can be processed adequately, because to process effectively stillness/awareness is required. When you just do you can’t receive, you are on the run with 21 seconds to go.
So not only are your own boundaries crossed unnoticeably, even if you feel it, but you can not recognise how & when you are infringing on those of others, even if you feel that too. Recognition requires conscious awareness, feelings can’t be deciphered without it so they unfortunately end up a moot point.
Result of this is we end up repelling each other (respect isn’t maintained) and professionalism is what…. if not symbolic in this topic for our humaneness. Our humanness that isn’t replenished, because it isn’t on display, it isn’t benefited from so what’s there to ‘decorate’
When we adhere to the scope of our job (reaching wholeness) we have lines drawn. You know what you have to do. Even if you are lost you know acceptance of that is part of the scope of your job too. To surrender to what is instead of fixating on what could be or what isn’t. Your ‘location’ is recognised on the sat nav directing to your wholeness. Reach your destination organically through divine timing.
I think a lot of the pain we suffer especially in regards to shame or burdens we shoulder. Is because we are not, in such moments aligned with our individual roles. Focus becomes scattered when it’s insisted on making an appearance in dual and polarised situations.
You take on too much, or too little, you over extend or under commit. You can’t hold your self accountable efficiently because you have no base to spring from. You therefore either accept responsibility for what’s not yours or fail to take responsibility for what is.
Not adhering to the scope of your job is the mother of all chaos. Chaos you attract to your life and chaos you bring to others.
Order can not come from disorder so when we feel imbalanced or worn down I think introspection in regards to how we step or stepped outside of ourselves is of utmost importance.
When we do this we are in a good position to pinpoint a problem from a soul space. An intention for correction is thereafter cultivated organically. You find harmony in the midst of chaos because you manage to get yourself back in lane and you also manage to see how others are in your lane. What you see you can approach, what you are blind to you cannot.
I’m only ever truly content when I adhere to the scope of my job because I feel connected with that, I flow through it. When I pause to reflect upon the why’s behind why im content even if others are not, I get to check in and reinforce my values and standards.
Adhering to the scope of your job is simply to do your part, you aid the collective in goodness when you do, it’s the only and best thing you can do because in hindsight you have control over yourself. Struggle is a domino effect when we don’t adhere to the scope of our jobs. It tastes like food with out salt. I personally feel like goldilocks looking for that right porridge. When the only way to make it just right, is if you make it yourself. You can not when you get out of your own lane. You can not when you are not adhering to the scope of your own job, and you may not yet understand, what it is because…
Our goals are not achieved if all our energy given to us to achieve the goal and self-actualization is directed towards being accepted by our surroundings and to meet their requirements ~Sunday Adelaja
Emotional abuse has many faces, you’ll miss it most when it’s your own.
It happens quickly, what’s unfortunate is the domino effect that follows. Thoughts are a vibration so they get met with an emotion upon coming into ‘existence’. When the inner critic re affirms a negative belief you unconsciously hold to be true about yourself. The emotion that meets it, usually grief sadness, shame, guilt or unease. Is enough to paralyse a person into a state of dejection.
Had anyone else said what your own mind said to you about you. You would not remain in their company. It’s emotional abuse pure but not simple. What doesn’t make it simple is the inclination to believe it. Most people identify with their thoughts. They think it’s what they think because they thought it. This is particularly dangerous when it comes to taking the words of the inner critic without question, because those untruths that it relentlessly shares with you, originated from you.
Thoughts are recycled information from past experiences, with no real base connection to truth always. The mind throws it out most of the time just because, and sometimes because it is what it stored and acknowledged as relevant through previous experience. The intent of the mind is to provide what it has stored, so that you may calibrate it in correlation to the present issue. The mind therefore is meeting its primary function of assisting you to navigate the what is. What’s wrong isn’t what the mind does but what it is given to work with in the first place. This is why it’s said the mind can be re programmed.
The evolution of self from ego to soul space can not happen successfully without the mind being re trained. It is re trained every time you alter the way you experience what causes you harm. The mind doesn’t discriminate with the information it stores. The more you come from a heart space that resonates with what’s true, the more the mind acknowledges this phenomena and stores its ‘new’ findings. So the next time you experience something pulling you into the low vibrational state of dejection the mind will throw out what it thinks is relevant what it thinks can be calibrated to achieve results that serve your highest good. Your highest good is served when the mind works in tandem with the heart not in opposition to it. This team work has the soul at the forefront so harmony is created in the place of imbalance.
Ive seen many types of emotional abuse, but the worst I’ve ever witnessed because it had no consequence, even the bare minimum of it being seen for what it is. Is the kind of emotional abuse we subject ourselves to. The kind that comes out of our own mouths against ourselves. Even if it doesn’t reach the mouth and remains a thought in the head. There is still commitment to it. It is believed, it receives attentive, active listening and so it wounds, erodes ans ultimately destroys.
A persons Self esteem is at the mercy of what they do with their own thoughts.
The inner critic or the inner bully only has power to cause harm through ones thoughts because the abuse it spouts is already believed. The inner critic doesn’t create untruths to emotionally abuse with. It re affirms untruths that are already internalised to be true.
These untruths spoken by our own minds cause worse harm than words spouted by others.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt” Whoever originally said this was not talking about the inner bully that lives rent free in ones psyche.
Most people have a tendency to call out and usually confront a foul uttered by others. In some cases they even dissect and dismantle the untruth for what it is. This happens based on the feelings felt on account of harmful statements they are subjected to, as being the fault of the other. The logic is the other person is responsible for the negative emotions I am experiencing. ( hence the reaction the abuser receives.)
When the abuser is yourself however, this process is halted by shame. The untruth is internalised not challenged or confronted or even projected.
The battle within will always be the hardest battle one faces. It is no easy feat by any measure, but it is worth the turmoil if in the process you discover the root of the untruths you’ve internalised. Healing begins as the falsehood that keeps a wound alive dissolves and it dissolves as you begin to look at what you believe and why.
I find looking at the voice of the inner bully/critic as a teacher pointing out a untruth helps greatly. It may have come to re affirm an untruth but through awareness of what it is and what it does, you are in a position to receive, being receptive is a position of power because it connects you back to your only true sense of control, self control. You can choose how to receive the inner critics effort to harm. By re defining its presence as a teacher that came to expose an untruth you have internalised as true.
Seeing the voice of the inner bully as clues to untruths you’ve internalised to be true. Can help with growth and healing. When you are present you are in your soul space and your soul isn’t affected by the voice of the inner bully as the soul is motivated towards wholeness because it is created whole.
What came to cause harm can be transmuted into what helps if you precieve what is, from a soul space. If you observe you can feel and when you feel you receive soul perception.
“Actions are powerful, but it’s important to acknowledge so are the emotions. Emotional abuse can be the most painful thing a person can endure. Because it’s abuse of your soul & mind” ~ La Tasha Braxton
It’s abuse of your soul because the untruths of the inner critic attempts to shackle and erase your souls potential by insisiting on the reality that entraps it. It’s abuse of the mind because it halts it from its original pure function of being of assistance to the soul. Its natural to have a tendency to check what’s outside of us, but not what’s within. Emotional abuse has many faces, don’t miss it when it’s your own.
Fumbling in the Dark
If fumbling feels like inefficiency, it’s ok because you can’t walk adequately in the dark anyway. If walking straight is what you associate strength and competency with, then through reason only hold yourself to that expectation when you’ve stepped into your light. To do it you need it.
To fumble in the dark is to know you are not home but have a desire to get there. When you can’t see, you are likely to fumble as you walk. If you’re walking because you know in your heart, Allah put you on that path because it leads home. Then Fumbling about isnt in vain it throws off what’s not from you. The fumble in the dark is what leads to connection with your soul. Its how you pass through the dark into your light. Feel the clumsiness in not knowing where you are or what you are doing. Feel the doubts that say you are on the wrong path. Feel the fear of ending up somewhere that may break your heart.
Feel and don’t abandon any part of you in the dark. When you fumble you are likely to make discoveries. Likely to fall upon things you didn’t reach aim for but are grateful for.
Feeling in the dark is experiencing the vulnerability that connects you with Allah. You fumble but find you are touched by the things you need. The things he knows you need.
Fumbling in the dark is Allah polishing you. Its letting that help reach you because you aren’t resisting pain.
Allah doesn’t abandon us he merely asks we don’t abandon ourselves in the dark.
My Hearts Will
I’m learning to listen to my hearts will, I’m learning that is to respect what it resonates with. I’m learning resonation is how it expresses its will. Im learning to accept that by recognising the ways that ego doesn’t cosign. In feeling the reasons behind it’s why, ive surrendered to my hearts will and feel alive.
I feel flooded with love because of this. It’s washing me inside out, its loving me first. It’s forgiving me with its carthartic hugs. I will no longer suppress its will to protect it from harm. As that cuts me off from feeling my own love. Trust the will of your heart it knows how to preserve its self. The egos protection harms it far greater than any outside force ever could. The heart requires aim to land true, aim through self trust.
The hardest thing I’ve ever had to surrender to was the unconditional flow of my feelings. Going past the initial sting of an emotion to feel and accept whats beneath it.
The heart travels through valleys of pain and lands in the present moment vibrant with hope & faith. When a heart breaks, it’s flow is being tampered with. For it to remain intact you’ve got to feel and let it flow, that is how healing happens.
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness”
Hearts that Repel Darkness
What attempted to corrupt my heart is what my soul pushed back against, with most of my strength. For the most part of my life I disliked its aversion to what I saw as protection. The result of that was to turn on my heart for blocking out corruption that I haphazardly saw as protection. Turned on it through blame, to me it didn’t understand. I didn’t understand why it had a will that held me back.
When your ego thoughts push you to level out pain and your heart blocks it from manifestation. It’s alive not corrupt, it’s refusing to be changed by outside influence. Even your own blame.
Your heart can’t be defined or directed by other than Allah. Trust what you feel through it even if you don’t yet understand. Trust what resonates with it even If it infuriates by blocking your path. Trust your truth, your inner knowing.
Trust the truths your heart absorbs, don’t resist, don’t force, just flow. Most importantly, approach these matters where you blame your heart for going against your ego whims ( because I realise now that’s exactly what it was doing) as a self reproaching soul. You can’t have a conscience and lie to yourself. Soul integrity is what leads to inner peace.
Treatment isn’t Confirmation
I saw this quote and it made me think about how depression squats in the place love was meant to enter. That’s why some people when treated like they’re nothing feel the same. Treatment is confirmation of internal beliefs they already hold in general or about themselves. May they transcend that with self love. How people treat you says something about them nothing about you. Don’t believe their actions determine your worth.
Emotional abuse has many faces, you’ll miss it most when it’s your own.