Cut the Middle Man Out

If you don’t care about my peace of mind, I don’t feel valued by you…

That’s ok, just make sure to establish the peace you need yourself and to realise your feeling here, is sending a reminder. For you to remember who you are, so you can value it to do the above.

If you feel a sense of abandonment or rejection creeping up on you in any matter you are immersed in. Then know that the feeling is showing you, that in that very moment you are not standing in the power of your value.

If you make that conscious connect, you shift because you remember your value & the feeling subsides, because you received what it came to give you.

When you see your feelings as messengers, you don’t run the risk of activating projections, that make you miss the loyal Mail.

The Past & Owning your Story.

“You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” -Brené Brown

Worthiness is hustled because you become disconnected from your worth when your story isn’t owned by you. The hustle happens within even though our worth neither increases nor decreases because it’s fixed in state since we are born with it. When our story isn’t owned our worthiness isn’t felt hence the internal hustle for it and it isn’t felt because it’s blocked by shame. What does not owning your story mean? I am not referring to denial or delusion which is some of the ways people refuse to own their story. I am referring to not going within enough and thus missing the root of a matter that has hurt you.

What he/she they or society did is 10% of the story the other 90% is how it made you truly feel. That raw feeling inside that wants to address the kind of untruths about your self that you may even intellectually recognise for what it is, but for the life in you can’t fathom why its poison effects you still. Your story is your vulnerability. Owning that is how breakthroughs happen.

A breakthrough I believe is something that creeps up on you. It isn’t like a shift, a shift is part of a process, where in order for you to proceed on your journey its needed as fuel. I feel a shift can be sensed and felt as it happens but a breakthrough you can’t. A shift is like a green light telling you to cross over to another side where the grass is green and the sky is bright. It’s a change in perception and a new found perspective about yourself and about life.

A breakthrough is a culimination of a matter that yesterday was hurting you and today you’ve realised you’ve gone passed its pain and entered a state of true inner peace. A breakthrough is the realisation that the hook that aligned you with the negative emotions of grief, sorrow, anger, shame and resentment that you felt has been removed, has been healed. Most mistake a shift for a breakthrough.

Breakthroughs are the true blessings in healing, it’s the ease after the hardship. It isn’t indifference to what happened it’s transcendence over it. For example you have alchemised the energy of pain into direction, grief into gaining your self, sorrow into self compassion. Anger into values that gave birth to solid boundaries. Shame into self empathy that made you switch lanes from that hazardous route shame set you upon most of your life. As for resentment? I believe it’s transmuted into wisdom the kind that ensures you do not end up making a u-turn back there, back where? To the places and things and people that didn’t honour your soul. To the energetic fields you entered unconsciously because you were separated and therefore neglectful of your own soul.

When you are in a healthy state of being i.e connected to yourself with no unconcious programmings sabotaging your flow. The past serves to reasonably inform the present. When you are not in such a state the past serves to hijack the present.

Why is the past informing the present so beneficial? Because life is continuous, it goes on and so situations that mirror or reflect matters, pertaining to what led to your spiritual growth in the first place do rear its head again in subtle ways. These matters are opportunities to practice what you’ve learnt. To make your new substance part of your subconscious flow. The past can help with this as it contains intimate details of all the lessons you learnt, all the discoveries you made. The growths that occurred through the pain you chose to feel, heal and release.

As you go forward in life be grateful for the hooks Allah removed and continues to. Be grateful for his infinite wisdom and his grace that guided you to see, understand and recieve clarity about the things, that had he not guided you about, would have left you lost and stuck on a hamsters wheel.

You can only connect the dots when you look back and that is because the past is informing your present, your intuition is confirming and you are listening. As new doors open, you find new truths that are gifts meant to carry you through to the next phase of your journey to self actualise. A phase of maturity, empowerment, deeper self love and acceptance.

Healing is a process that is deeply intimate and important. It can not occur with out self honesty, resilience and patience. As you venture out you will feel lighter because the old baggage is gone. When you feel heavy because of a new load (because life is continuous and there is so much more to learn) then it can be appreciated and understood that the past informing the present is actually a present from Allah. It’s a reminder of the things you found on the paths you took that facilitated your growth, your healing. Reminders benefit the faithful.

I’ve learnt that there is no wrong path, for all paths traversed happened in order to teach something, reveal something. To add a layer of something needed, to you. Or to peel back a layer of something no longer required from you.

When the process of healing is bypassed in any way, the past pops up through memories that cause suffering through shame. That is how it hijacks the present.

“When we own our own stories, we avoid being trapped as characters in the stories someone else is telling.” -Brené Brown, Rising Strong

We also avoid being trapped in the stories we tell ourselves. The kind of stories that block you from receiving your own love and the love of those who love you. Because that’s how shame operates, like shaytan eating your food because you didn’t say bismillah and then wondering why you don’t feel that full. You are robbed and unaware of how because you can’t see it externally nor can you compute it mentally as it happens.

When you own your story your character in that shame inducing story dies in your mind because it is in your mind that it is kept alive in the first place. When you own it, it becomes like that character in a tv series who exited in season 4.

Where did they end up? In the absence of shame they ended up with self empathy. They stopped defacing their soul. They own their intentions and their actions that they felt ashamed of because of how it was received or treated. Self empathy reminds them the shame narrative they attributed to their story is an illusion. Self empathy reminds them what was true from them, and how that is the only thing that matters. Only when you own your story do you get to transmute shame into empathy and compassion that leads to clarity and understanding. The soul structure intends to be built upon iron not straws.

The hooks fall off with the shame lensed glasses you took off. The past informs the present so they do not come back on.

Tough love

The journey back to your natural disposition is tough love from Allah. This realisation transmutes so much in regards to lessons that mirror back your own self neglect. Through his tough love you are planned for and cared for. You can surrender to that plan and be grateful for that care. It’s implementation of hope & faith.

This above all: to thine own self be true.

Every living organism is fulfilled when it follows the right path for its own nature. ~Marcus Aurelius

Today I was teaching a class and mid lesson as I spoke about the importance of adhering to the agreed scope of ones job role. My intuition jumped out at me. I felt this intense but fulfilling serenity descend over me. I honestly don’t give myself enough credit for having the worlds greatest poker face!

I was teaching the students that it was important to adhere to the scope of their job role because it ensures that they meet their responsibilities, their legal obligations. It is important so they don’t commit to work beyond it. Important so that they do not end up overextending themselves, unless from their own volition which is really use of intiative.

I told them adhering to the scope of their job role cultivates deeper understanding of boundaries, theirs and those of others. How in turn that maintains respect in the workplace and replenishes and decorates the quality of their professionalism. Lastly how it teaches and safeguards the concept of true accountability because they would have a solid reference point to evaluate themselves through and from.

Example your boss gives you feed back that states you are not doing enough. When you adhere to the scope of your job role and you have conscience awareness that you did just that. You are in a good position to discern that your boss is being unfair. That he/she has expectations of you beyond your pay etc

Likewise when you know deep down that you haven’t been adhering to the scope of your job role. That you have been winging it or slacking here there. You are able to embrace your bosses assessment, take the criticism and appreciate that you are being given an opportunity to turn things around.

It was at this point my intuition highlighted how everything I was saying applied to the nurturing of our very own soul.

What if your job role in this world was to self actualise?. What if the scope of this job consisted of you meeting with out hindrance (your own or that of others) the obligations that come with self actualisation i.e standing in unconditional self love and acceptance. What if reaching a state of wholeness was your job role.

I thought about this on the way home especially the accountability part. We live in times where existential crisis is on the rise. People knowingly or unknowingly test the boundaries of others. Triggers galore, shame and guilt shackle most.

An individuals inner authority isn’t something that is tapped into as a default. Doubt or fear or a combination of both, interrupt the flow. People are not present in the now, they either have a foot in the past (grief) or a foot in the future (anxiety) distracting them from harmony that can be harnessed now.

We end up consumed by deadlines and to do lists. Consumed by meeting the needs of loved ones even at the expense of our own needs. Consumed by desires we feel are out of reach. Time to ones own self is seen as idle, time allotted to outside of ones self productive. A lot is on ones plate because they are not adhering to the scope of their job role alone.

They have over extended and over committed themselves. They have censored or abandoned themselves. In this high paced life where people march like cattle surviving not thriving. Boundaries whether violated or not, isn’t something that can be processed adequately, because to process effectively stillness/awareness is required. When you just do you can’t receive, you are on the run with 21 seconds to go.

So not only are your own boundaries crossed unnoticeably, even if you feel it, but you can not recognise how & when you are infringing on those of others, even if you feel that too. Recognition requires conscious awareness, feelings can’t be deciphered without it so they unfortunately end up a moot point.

Result of this is we end up repelling each other (respect isn’t maintained) and professionalism is what…. if not symbolic in this topic for our humaneness. Our humanness that isn’t replenished, because it isn’t on display, it isn’t benefited from so what’s there to ‘decorate’

When we adhere to the scope of our job (reaching wholeness) we have lines drawn. You know what you have to do. Even if you are lost you know acceptance of that is part of the scope of your job too. To surrender to what is instead of fixating on what could be or what isn’t. Your ‘location’ is recognised on the sat nav directing to your wholeness. Reach your destination organically through divine timing.

I think a lot of the pain we suffer especially in regards to shame or burdens we shoulder. Is because we are not, in such moments aligned with our individual roles. Focus becomes scattered when it’s insisted on making an appearance in dual and polarised situations.

You take on too much, or too little, you over extend or under commit. You can’t hold your self accountable efficiently because you have no base to spring from. You therefore either accept responsibility for what’s not yours or fail to take responsibility for what is.

Not adhering to the scope of your job is the mother of all chaos. Chaos you attract to your life and chaos you bring to others.

Order can not come from disorder so when we feel imbalanced or worn down I think introspection in regards to how we step or stepped outside of ourselves is of utmost importance.

When we do this we are in a good position to pinpoint a problem from a soul space. An intention for correction is thereafter cultivated organically. You find harmony in the midst of chaos because you manage to get yourself back in lane and you also manage to see how others are in your lane. What you see you can approach, what you are blind to you cannot.

I’m only ever truly content when I adhere to the scope of my job because I feel connected with that, I flow through it. When I pause to reflect upon the why’s behind why im content even if others are not, I get to check in and reinforce my values and standards.

Adhering to the scope of your job is simply to do your part, you aid the collective in goodness when you do, it’s the only and best thing you can do because in hindsight you have control over yourself. Struggle is a domino effect when we don’t adhere to the scope of our jobs. It tastes like food with out salt. I personally feel like goldilocks looking for that right porridge. When the only way to make it just right, is if you make it yourself. You can not when you get out of your own lane. You can not when you are not adhering to the scope of your own job, and you may not yet understand, what it is because…

Our goals are not achieved if all our energy given to us to achieve the goal and self-actualization is directed towards being accepted by our surroundings and to meet their requirements ~Sunday Adelaja

When the Mirror reflects back Self~ Love

I originally wrote some of this post two years ago, I wrote from a base in my mind and any emotion that leaked were gentle clues left behind by my soul. I felt repulsed by what I shared and those leaks were pointing out to me the why. It was because I was missing in essence. I edited 80% of original post. Could have just started a fresh one but it’s in going back to finish what I started, that at the end gave birth to a much needed realisation. A post I privatised led to a revelation, how ironic.

Self love ~ the jacket that keeps me warm

~💎~

The first true lesson of self love I’ve learnt was seeking wholeness outside of ones own self,only attracted more incompleteness. This is true in any area of life where wholeness is sought elsewhere.

The second lesson was in connection to the imbalance I felt in regards to my ability to love others unconditionally but failing short when it came to myself. The journey behind the realisation of this was in part surprising and unsettling. I think I’ve asked myself for forgiveness a lot. And I’ll never forget the moment when I accepted it.

My embodiment of self love required I find balance inside myself. There were distortions in the things I perceived. Often the kind that hurt me…there was dysfunction in what manifested around me. Often the type that left me in constant search for relief.

What doesn’t make me happy? What ebbs away at my comfort? What makes me feel unhealthy. Any reality experienced that bought me into alignment with answers to the above questions. I began to see as realities that required my attention, in it my wellbeing was neglected.

Negative and limiting beliefs are all energy. Not tangible even if it caused me some harm I found solace in the deeper knowing, that it’s harm isn’t tangible. I thought being positive was focusing on what did make me happy, gave me comfort and made me feel healthy. Everything else I intellectualised as either, it’s not all about me or it’s just life.

I took pride in my inability to connect to my feelings. Believed it was emotional agility, a sense of control. But there were always signs that something was amiss. For me the biggest was my resentment towards understanding. So unconsciously the first fragmented piece of my soul to occur was disconnection from my humanity towards myself.

I began to measure how I felt about myself in correlation to what made me feel an emotion to begin with.If someone I cared about let me down, I felt disappointment or resentment. It was pretty simple, I felt how I felt because of what someone else did. So if they didn’t do it I wouldn’t feel it…

The concept of my feelings being a guide carrying messages that wanted me
to see, a reality that didn’t align with me, or one that did that I should have been going towards, was alien to say the least. But it was the breakthrough I needed where a journey of making the unconscious concious led me to.

The inner fulfilment I lacked I compensated for by helping to cultivate fulfilment in others. If I was a santa clause I guess my bag carried the gift of relief.

I swear it I would give from it to anyone, the underdog, the stranger, those I loved. It didn’t discriminate. I didn’t discriminate. Giving made me feel happy. I believed in love for others what you love for yourself. I loved nothing more than relief.

Despite my giving nature, I didn’t believe the love I received because I didn’t receive my own.

Aside from some fleeting moments over all I always felt dispensable, disposable, like an after thought. No matter what love was shown to me I couldn’t fathom or receive it emotionally. I showed intellectual appreciation for it, of course.

Feeling dispensable was a divine sign that contradicted my reality so that I could see how I treated my soul. It was a subtle clue that something was amiss inside.

Now on god and everything about him I love, my soul is all I need. The relief I sought after all my life was inner peace, and inner peace is nothing but the souls language of approval.

In hindsight I thought I needed relief when what I actually was looking for was my souls approval. How can it approve when I was blind to the fact that I lived a reality that felt it could do with out it. When I treated as dispensable?

Perspective is everything, and a sound one requires to be present in a moment. To allow meaning to rise from the shadow behind stillness. Dysfunctional perspective born through disconnection from ones emotional body leads to non fulfilment, because it navigates through misunderstandings.

When you misunderstand your needs, you don’t get to complete yourself, when you are not complete in yourself. You seek it elsewhere. When you seek it elsewhere you do not arrive at fulfilment.

Wholeness is found within, in you. Not in him, her, or this and that.

Our soul along with destinies plan will always set us up with others and situations that mirror back to us all that we are meant to learn. This is how growth occurs and growth opportunities arrive through trials and/or turbulence.

I would have turbulence for breakfast a lot. Almost became disensitised to it. Yet learnt much from it. I was
nourished by what I ate…

The wisdom behind situations that are turbulent, shines light on ones vulnerability. Vulnerability for me was needed for my soul to emerge and make its case known. Its the only time my mind kneeled to its true master, hoping for it to lead the way. The connect with Allah is through the soul for a reason. Vulnerability is a need and Allah is the one who fulfills it, hence why the soul communicates with Allah through it.

The problem I had with feeling vulnerable was when I felt it I looked outward not within. I saw the effect as existing due to the cause. So towards the cause I felt sad, righteous anger, hurt, frustrated and or at times even defeated. The kind of emotions I didn’t want to experience.

The ultimate plan is purification to reach our one true home. I’ve learnt that embodiment of self love assists purification in the deepest way. When a person has self love their soul leads the way undistracted. Because self love connects directly to the soul. Our soul is the only part of us that’s eternal and motivated towards completion,towards wholeness. When we separate from self love we separate from it.

In shedding the negatives that stemmed from my own ego blocks, albeit not a journey that was easy. Much of it was done through choosing instinct over culture. Between what you know that doesn’t add up and what you feel that’s trying to lead you somewhere.

To embody harmony energetically with all that’s good for us we have to first energetically not resist what doesn’t feel good to us. What doesn’t align with our wellbeing, what doesn’t replenish it, are all signs of what doesn’t serve our highest self. Signs of absence of Self love, a sign of soul disconnect.

Self accountability for and about this absence of self love is the second step towards harmony. Deconstruction of what doesn’t serve, without being followed up by construction of what does makes no practical sense.

Understanding self love intellectually doesn’t mean one is operating through it. Wholeness outside of oneself is a mirage and always will be. The embodiment of unconditional self love leads to harmony because in stead of running into a mirage, you run into a new dimension where the reality is actually real. The reality is manifested from a soul space.

You can hear all the right things from those who love you, but its nothing in comparison to feeling, believing and seeing the same about you, yourself.

You can seek relief a million ways, but to confuse giving yourself to others as lending yourself to others, is to end up in a loop where you keep missing the mark. What we seek is seeking us, the relief I wanted, my soul was trying to give me all along.

The human patterns I took on in life for myriad of reasons, Carried with it colours of positivity and negativity. Embodiment of self love happened when I looked in the mirror and faced the negative energies and blasted through them to the core.

Clearance of that leads to true self love.
Clearance of my blocks led me to a prison that barricaded my soul.

I didn’t free it, it was always free, my mirror soul told me that and much more that always made me wonder. What I freed instead was my false self from the illusions it believed. From its perceived false reality. From its auto sub concious activity. As it invited me to acknowledge it’s fears I found liberation in responding with “that isn’t my pain, that isn’t my fear”

I believed (only through experience) that my flaws were perfect for the hearts that were meant to love me, (and now I also believe, again because of experience) that I am one of those hearts to myself.

The only thing that repulses me now is putting another first whilst I indirectly place myself second and worse teach others I am ok with that position.

I choose myself because I understand now how to.

” And I did not put you in difficulty so as to harm you, but rather, that I may complete my favour upon you. So that you be of those who are grateful” ~Surah maida ayah 6

I’m grateful..the lesson behind the resistance towards embodiment of my self love was revealed. Through me seeing the fulfilment, that I was blocked from trying to give another, was simply mirroring back the fulfilment I lacked in giving to myself.

Allah works in mysterious ways and cultivates understanding through that way.

What I understand now I don’t resent because truth bought in the correct substance in divine timing. Gift wrapped and packaged with mercy tailor made for me.