Forgiveness soothes the heart and acts as a barrier that keeps out the fire of resentment. It aligns one to stand with their authentic power, instead of comfort that deceives them from the realisation that they aren’t standing in it or worse have actually given it away.
Forgiveness is to give up the hope that the past could be any different and in managing that, we come to understand the present is all that we have and all that we need. To ensure a future, that encompasses the difference that was hoped for.
They say Forgiveness is to set free a prisoner only to find out that the prisoner was yourself. A prisoner, imprisoned from aligning with their truth. The kind of truth that swooshes past like a warm summer breeze. That whispers in spite of all that hurt you….. there is a part of your heart that remains pure (unblocked), that it is guarded by a part of you that wants to be acknowledged without shame or resistance.
Only when we do acknowledge it, can we begin to finally heal and be free. Free from our own self judgment that has kept out the loving presence & truth of our soul.
After forgiveness, I found disappointment that left me sometimes feeling dejected & sometimes displaced. Some days ok…some days not so.
I prayed, asking Allah to reveal whats of benefit to me. To guide me to the root of what causes me re occurring imbalances and I realised the feeling of disappointment that plagues my heart, carries a message asking me to acknowledge my truth unconditionally.
And my authentic truth is that I don’t feel fulfilled. It’s like with this realisation came the death of what once was and the birth of a new adventure. That I don’t feel afraid of embarking upon.
Fulfilment is a gift no one can give you but yourself. It requires the courage to not settle for anything less than what you know in your heart you deserve and prefer. The gps towards our fulfilment is planted in the heart. The directions towards it are heard as intuition.
Disappointment hurts because it is easy for the ego to infiltrate the space it squats in and take us down valleys of blame and judgment. Such valleys aren’t fulfilling when at times the ones we judge and blame, we also love. (This includes ourselves) our emotional body will always reject falsehood with more feelings of discomfort. Truth settles in the heart, like a gentle swaying leaf lands where Allah willed for it to land. It doesn’t disturb through suffering, it just makes itself known.
We always have a choice to choose our stories, one of my biggest mistakes was to hope for those who I believe cared for me, write one worthy of me. In the parts where they were concerned or involved .
Until one day I realised not everyone who knows your worth also values it and quite often than not, it’s not even intentional not to. There could be distractions that ultimately have nothing to do with you.
And perhaps that is one of life’s most difficult lessons, that Allah wishes to teach us. I.e Even though our expectations carry some proof of knowledge of our own self worth (as seen through what we expect that we feel is good for us). It also carries proof that we don’t value that good enough ourselves. Enough to give it to our selves, instead of waiting for it from others who either don’t care, or do but are distracted in myriad of ways.
Seeking what fulfils you reminds you to not settle. It is the bedrock of self love because it doesn’t allow you to unconsciously hand over your power by operating from a lack based mentality. A mentality that entraps you in a story where your fulfilment is absent and waited on, for it to be opted in, by others.
I was guided to transmute the feeling of disappointment, into the authentic truth that I was witnessing unfulfilment. This simple mind shift empowers because it lies the onus of responsibility at your feet.
Through it we can seek what fulfils us by moving away from what doesn’t first and foremost. The reoccurring imbalances end by one’s moving away from what doesn’t serve them, because what plagues the heart in grief, is given ample room to be healed and what doesn’t serve is always a clue as to what doesn’t fulfil.
Staying in a vibration of disappointment leads to low vibrational feelings of sadness that the ego steers towards blame and judgment even towards your own self.
When we acknowledge the deeper truth that a matter isn’t fulfilling. We land in our soul space that has been ready to take responsibility, for our lack of feeling un fulfilled. We align with our soul truth that wants to take us towards the paths that align with our fulfilment.
If seeking fulfilment empowers, then it is because we are on the right track. It is because we aren’t giving away our power on the journey. It is because we aren’t choosing to let disappointment become our tent or our story.
It is because we are acknowledging our authentic reality, that this matter, this thing, this treatment, this place, this relationship, this job, this thought, this person or this plan, the way all this, currently is…Isn’t fulfilling me, something is missing and that matters.
Deciding it matters is the essence of stamping value on your hearts resonance. On your needs which ultimately are you. When what matters is realised, so is it’s value. When value is truly acknowledged, your perception and how you move shift.
This spiral of clarity upwards leads to wholeness. If the destination is wholeness, aligning with what fulfils you is the only way to get there. All other roads are mirages, illusions and ultimately dead ends.
Only you know what fulfils you, don’t deceive yourself. In life if we aren’t shifting due to the truth, we are looping due to unintentional self deception.
…To allow resistance to persist is ingratitude.
I’ve had a different relationship with my feelings in the recent past, that didn’t extend much past understanding its purpose and committing to being open to all that it entails. Understanding the purpose behind my feelings has been something I’ve been nurturing for the most part of the past year.
My new relationship with my emotions was born this month. It came through embodying that aforementioned understanding consciously and respectfully from a soul space. It came through being granted the gift and blessing of self trust, that firmly said It is only me, who has authority to define, dress and claim what my feelings are factually. Because my feelings are real and the bedrock of my reality.
Others can make suggestions about it that can be considered, but aside from Allah, you are the only one who actually knows what’s true about you or for you and what’s not.
That shift was huge for me and the turmoil behind it all set pace for many realisations that led to much growth in areas I didn’t consider much (I had my reasons)
My balance during that shift was strengthened through witnessing seeds of hope I planted elsewhere. It’s manifestation reinforced my courage to trust myself, because it was the last thing I acted through, before witnessing all that I did in the past week concerning my mirror soul.
My Self trust didnt have to = risk of disapointment or destruction. (Although for the longest time it unconsciously did)
What my self trust = to is my autonomy (full stop) whatever that results in good or bad, at least was led or chosen by me for reasons I can be proud of any other time. Even if it didn’t produce what I intended that time!
Self trust accompanied by unconditional self love is a must. It would be stabbed with shrapnel of doubt without it. Which is what leads to unconscious self abandonment.
If you ever have a problem with connecting to your emotions, a dislike for being misconstrued or not understood. Then there is a broken heart at the root of it, where your truth or narrative was hijacked or got contaminated with what wasn’t from it in a authoritative manner, at some point in your life.
The problem with not connecting to your emotions leads to being detached from it, because unconsciously you blamed your feelings for the shame you felt because the logic is, your feelings led to you expressing what ever you felt was shamed or saw was shamed. The feelings are what led you down a path that didn’t reward your effort in the way you had hoped.
So you dislike being misconstrued because it’s a reminder that pokes the wound.
You fear not being understood because it’s the stage before being misconstrued.
It’s a chain connect, its all intwined because during the birth of the wound, the impact was great. You felt diminished by what ever the circumstance was. Even if you weren’t diminished, you felt that way so you became acquainted with powerlessness as a result in moment, perhaps to complicate it even more, you were confused by it all too. (It’s overwhelming especially for a child)
Whats astonishing is how the soul doesnt feel a need to defend, truth doesn’t need defence. The ego is what expands its structure to serve the wound through survival instead. (Expanded because unless it’s a core wound, it would make space for other huge ones too).
In any case the ego defends, not to stand up against the original cause of a wound so that you can transmute and heal. But rather so that you don’t become concious of it, you don’t experience it.
Those who say to heal a wound don’t poke it, speak through ego philosophy. To touch it or let it be touched & then to fully experience the emotions that arise. Is to find direction to your healing. Asking for it to not be poked assuming it would heal because poking is understood as risk of infection and tampering with no benefit achieved is to play yourself.
When you heal the original wound by experiencing it consciously as directed by your emotional body. All that’s connected to it dissolves. I feel for the most those disconnected from their emotions. They are from me as I was from them in many ways. (I believe growth is continuous there is always something new to learn)
Never the less the fact that I can say “was from” in relation to disconnection of emotions now, is in itself highly telling of how merciful kind and patient Allah has been with me alhamdulilaah.
To decree for us his grace, to reinforce us with patience as we come to recognise it, only for him to lead us to gratitude because of it. All so he can continue to increase us in blessings?
His mercy, I feel however I try to describe it, words can’t do it justice.
Part of gratitude is to allow transformation because the root behind his will, if he puts you on a path to self actualise is to achieve that.
Transformation from all that isnt of you back to all that is, your natural disposition that he fashioned and created whole.
Resistance wills to preserve the false self. So it meets Allah’s signs of grace & mercy with ingratitude.