Bitter Truths

I didn’t realise how painful my truth could be until I stopped resisting a crucial one that told me I wasn’t at peace.

I was astonished by how easily my non peace then transmuted into peace, by simply embracing that truth and not resisting it.

I didnt consciously experience true surrender until I emptied out my heart to Allah and the words “I refuse..” came out as I did, only to suddenly see it intercepted with the realisation that I couldn’t refuse what is and so I didn’t and there it was….the light liberating feeling of surrender. Enveloping me with the peace that was blocked out,  by the mental position I was unconciously guarding in matter.

Some days later the transcendence above, ushered me into a new time line where I found & discovered myself carrying a profound truth. One where I knew I loved certain people, whose behaviour I was not enthusiastic about. There is no either or, both state of beings encapsulated my true feelings and that is OK. Yet very telling..

I thought my lack of enthusiasm was a form of judgement at first so I resisted that to, like a void in my heart respect would have otherwise filled. I felt that If I could give meaning to how I felt about another’s behaviour that I wasn’t enthusiastic about, then how I felt would be valid. But how I feel is valid even if my mind has not grasped its reasons fully yet & it can’t until I feed it this new awareness to file in its archive, because the old one was programmed to not register how I feel. 

It’s  not my task to find meaning in what another does it’s my task to discern what it means to me and why, that’s the meaning that matters.  What does it teach me? What can I transcend through it etc

In acceptance & understanding of this, I found a world of clarity behind the lack of enthusiasm I felt because it didn’t mask the love I feel for the other, nor does it wrestle or compete with it. (Unless ego enters equation) All of it just is, Inner turmoil is a result of being pulled apart at the seams of your truth and true harmony is established in the abence of the fragmentation of any part of you. 

This was a truth I struggled to give a home to, a truth i resisted until i had to face the incongruency inside me, that was not willing to give resistance, a home in its place. It was a truth I was consciously embracing holistically.

I may love a person for who they are holistically but my security and wellbeing is my responsibility, to give myself and to maintain in a space that doesn’t hinder how I thrive in doing that in any way. So if you behave in ways that don’t honour or take into considerations my needs as a human being. I have to believe not resist what I feel because the only closure I need is the one I discern for myself. Uninfluenced by my egos judgment of ones actions and unaffected by others lack of understanding towards my discernment itself.

What one needs, respects, holds space for, or resonates with, are all matters dictated by ones  values and heart not intellectualisation of affairs and conditioned mental positions. When you can’t accept your truth, resentment flourishes through blame or judgment and people judge because they are either not standing in their power or are giving it away. In this case their power that would accept what is. 

Bitter truths aren’t the enemy they are  gateways to making informed decisions about what you should sacrifice or prioritise. Your wellbeing shouldn’t be up for negotiation in the former, ever.

I think this is what Maya Angelou meant by “When someone shows you who they are believe them”

Inability to do so, is a result of resistance towards a bitter truth and it’s that resistance that fragments an individual depriving them of inner harmony. There is a conflict within that occurs, that can only be neutralised and stabilised through unconditional commitment to how one feels. 

 

Soul Mode of Operation

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Above quote is from one of Peterson’s lectures, the last part of “that’s pretty pathetic” struck a cord of full agreement within me. I realised it’s because it’s a straight home run, of truth.  

I feel If  there is any meaning to be found in responsibility, it’s the truth that no other action empowers us better than it. Likewise no action disempowers us more promptly and efficiently than the shirking of it. That’s why it’s a pretty pathetic state to adopt.

When we embrace through compassion and with no resistance, the reality of how pathetic some chapters of our life have been. The nuances that present themselves in such a moment, connects us to the deeper meaning that instils awareness of what we deserve.

There is even a sense of deep caring yet unsettling melancholy, that accompanies the profound realisation of how long you have gone with out what you deserve. It’s as if you’re suddenly & energetically awake to the fact that Allah created us whole. So the very hustle of worthiness, is in its essence an action that is based on illusions that rob, inhibit, stall and clog our life force. 

If I reflect and attempt to surmise, the most important meaning, I’ve found in all the matters I’ve adopted responsibility for…

It’s the awareness that connected me to the only unwavering secure reality I needed to thrive. A reality within my jurisdiction of control that incorporates all of my needs, not compromises or compensates for some of them. It’s the conscious clarity that can be appreciated in that reality, of the mercy of Allah for not relegating the maintenance of our wellbeing, to the whims of others.

Most meaning is found in the adoption of responsibility because the adopter is the soul and taking responsibility is it’s mode of operation.  

The Storm

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Then after the distress, He sent down security for you. Slumber overtook a party of you, while another party was thinking about themselves (as how to save their ownselves, ignoring the others and the Prophet Scw) and thought wrongly of Allâh – the thought of ignorance. They said, “Have we any part in the affair?” Say you (O Muhammad Scw): “Indeed the affair belongs wholly to Allâh.” They hide within themselves what they dare not reveal to you, saying: “If we had anything to do with the affair, none of us would have been killed here.” Say: “Even if you had remained in your homes, those for whom death was decreed would certainly have gone forth to the place of their death,” but that Allah might test what is in your breasts; and to purge that which was in your hearts and Allah is All­Knower of what is in (your) breasts”. (Quran chapter Aali Imran 3:154)

When we enter the storm of a situation, we delete the space Allah’s help is meant to reach us from. Getting entangled with a storm is effectively catering to its narrative and needs as opposed to catering for your own. Yours get lost in translation because you’ve abandoned your ship.

And you’ve abandoned ship because you see the storm as the ship that you need to control. It gets the majority of your action based attention. This is neglect and Consequently in maintaining this imbalance (this neglect) your wellbeing becomes affected and so your life stream ends up with a malfunctional version of your wellbeing present in it.

It’s a slippery slope…
Since all good luck really is, is your wellbeing being present in your life stream without it being made defective due to any imbalance.

Seeing the storm as the ship you need to control (that needs your attention) is a course of action the psyche supports, because it presents a fear based type of logic back peddled and ushered in by the egos intent to surive.

All you see is what’s required of you, the obstacles in its way and what it all means to you, about you and for you. Entering the storm therefore is metaphorical for thinking of ways to meet the requirements presented by a situation that supports your ego and not your soul. It’s a course of action that rests on the thought system, of if you meet the requirements deemed right (by ego) the obstacles connected to matter dissolve, that then results in a path being paved for you to obtain your inner peace (insert: what grants you Satisfaction).

(nice plan in writing but in execution & in principle it’s not)

See the maxim here is that stability comes after the distress. Man kind however instinctively act based on the wrong formula that tells them, for the distress to be gone first one must establish stability.

This mentality is how one invalidates their feelings by suppressing it, it is how they enter the storm. They enter because they have fallen into the clutches of their ego “establish safety”
is speaking the egos language.

How is this different to the stated truth above that stability/safety comes after distress?

Because through that door you made space for Allah. You didn’t let the distress suck you into the storm. You stayed on your ship witnessing the storm. Sakinah/ calmness/ stability and peace was given to you as a result during process. Because you approached your affair through your reality not another’s (and definitely not one that isn’t even in existence)

You didn’t chop off or compartmentalise your reality because parts of it seemed irrelevant to the storm. In doing that you relinquish your power to the storm. (Storm is the issue in hand what ever it may be)
What you deemed irrelevant were your needs.

“Then after the distress, He sent down security for you….”

When you remain the captain of your ship you ain’t sinking. Because you made space for Allah.


“Slumber overtook a party of you…”

This is the party that held space to receive Allah’s help in matter. They let the distress flow and didn’t lose sight of their predicament as affecting them first & foremost. They acknowledge their truth as it is. And so stability is made theirs because they chose to remain present during the distress. Through Feelings we receive guidance.

“while another party was thinking about themselves (as how to save their ownselves, ignoring the others and the Prophet Scw)”

This is the party that enters the storm, thinking about themselves here means honing in on the problem via ego narrative.

how it or what happened, what liability on their side they presume. If only this and that, followed by now I need to do this and that, but I don’t have that or this, wait I can finnese it, but how?…ok that too has a problem so now… (Enter anxiety, blame, trapped in memories about moment before shortcoming on your side was made, or if you had no short coming, then enter mental focus on moment before problem became your reality. Fleeting moments because you are now in the midst of a situation. Even then one doesn’t stop, they add momentum of regret into the equation. This is all a problem blocking your life stream and therefore your stability because your well being is under serious strain due to neglect)


“and thought wrongly of Allâh, the thought of ignorance.”

Not holding space for him is ignorant. Because it implies he is absent. You may not believe that he is, but the point is you act like it. This happens unconsciously for most. It’s how they enter storm and abandon their ship.

“They said, “Have we any part in the affair?”

Entanglement with the storm happens because person took responsibility for the narrative presented by the problem/storm.


“Say you (O Muhammad Scw): “Indeed the affair belongs wholly to Allâh.”

😔♥️

“They hide within themselves what they dare not reveal to you…”

This is also the psychological affect behind the people who enter the storm. They have internalised the problem and what they hide within themselves, is the inner shame they feel towards the focused upon short comings, that they presume led to problem.

“Saying If we had anything to do with the affair, none of us would have been killed here…”

Stuck in the mental state of should’ve could’ve, the people entering the storm frequently think, that their distress is a result of their shortcoming. So they see not the reality now (that matter happened the way it did, in order to facilitate growth) but rather how they got there. It’s counter productive.

“Say: “Even if you had remained in your homes, those for whom death was decreed would certainly have gone forth to the place of their death…,”

Even if they fulfilled the should’ve could haves, they would have arrived in the same place. Because Allah would have still orchestrated the test ( to reach goal behind his wisdom for it in the first place, he will orchestrate the means as he sees fit)

“that Allah might test what is in your breasts;”

These tests are what align us with the potential he created us with. So in testing what’s in our hearts, he purifies us from the clutches of the Ego limitations blocking our life stream. Life doesn’t happen to you. It happens for you.

“and to purge that which was in your hearts…”

To purge is to get rid, the tests therefore happen to rid from your hearts what isn’t of it or from it. Anything caused to it by environment, or affects of core wounds and it’s core beliefs. Your ego is programmed with isnt from It.

This part of verse…made me feel raw emotions….I felt care from it…. deep awe evoking care, I have a heart worth the attention of divine cleansing? and attention? To restore it whilst unaware something was even contaminated with it in the first place?

If that isn’t kindness, profound understanding and protection towards me, I don’t know what is.

“and Allah is All­Knower of what is in (your) breasts”. (Aali Imran 3:154)

Because what we are unconscious of, he is not. He saw how our ego unconsciously formed. He was there, no one understands you more than him. Because no other person had front row seats. He is the best to validate you and vindicate you to yourself. This verse in Surah Imran evoked emotions of gratitude within me, that I pray are put on my scales.

Never abandon your ship. Because your story and needs, that you mentally checked out from, Allah never did. What that simply means is he was going to assist it, Will still assist it. Is sufficient to not just assist, but create to facilitate your needs perfectly and often in ways you didn’t expect or anticipate.

Allah doesn’t move from us we move from him. When we stay on our ships he assists in ways, all of what we were anxious of don’t even come into fruition. It doesnt get a part to play in the meticulously destined reality he has planned.

In entering the storm you run from yourself. Thus true abandonment is being left to your intellect. It’s the provision you took, and the loss here is the provision of Allah’s aid that you left behind.

Your ship, is your souls home, the place Allah enters…