It is often said protect your space from negativity but I feel this can be too vague an instruction to actually yield real results for most; because it can be a struggle to even recognise what’s negative and what isn’t at times. We are human and have our own unconscious blocks so yes it can be difficult to pinpoint what’s negative in a moment for us in and of itself. Especially when there isn’t a solid or decent relationship with understanding our feelings.
Nothing annoyed me more than generic statements like “block out negativity” “protect yourself from negative people” “declutter your space” sure but what who and how?. I don’t resonate with statements that carry some frantic urge like energy. Like I need to run to or from something.
It’s easy to underestimate our power of definition and in so doing, we can relinquish this power to societal standards and norms that define things for us without being aware of how it does. The more awareness we gain about ourselves through what we feel, the more this power of definition becomes like a remote control in our hand that we naturally gravitate towards and explore.
For example I began to feel a lot of inner expansion and space when I defined….
Clearing up tumultuous misunderstandings expressed to me as negative but not in and of itself. I set this as a default rule because I felt it was easier to branch out this way. If it’s defined as negative for me, I then end up with a space where I can sit and discern through the exceptions I’ve made for this rule (I’ll address this more soon.)
Point is the alternative left me scattered and overwhelmed as it was too loose …I needed a structure that put me first and this rule that I can branch out from, provided that.
I first became aware of this strain that I felt when I found myself cleaning things up. It was confusing at first because I genuinely like to be of help and clarity is something I love. I love safeguarding it from loss, providing it when I have it and want it when I don’t.
When this awareness of the strain I felt slowly became more focused, I began to see it most notable in matters that pertained to one expecting or subjecting others to clean up their tumultuous misunderstandings. Whether one was aware they had one or not is irrelevant as pending task felt the same.
It’s negative because the misunderstandings would be presented by another without taking an active part in the clean up process themselves i.e they don’t hold space for it and if they do, it’s after a lot of stubborn resistance The kind you also end up ironing out of the way.
This happens when someone tells you something that doesn’t leave room for other perspectives. Clearly the perspective they have has holes in it and it’s detrimental to their own well being. Yet they want to defend it like their life depends on it.
Cue you entering to clear it up even worse, the person never even asked you too.
Whats wrong with this picture?
Aside from the selfishness that you at times assume or at times is true( because even though person didn’t ask you to clean up they want you to) its draining. If you are anything like me your tendency to genuinely prefer clarity to chaos makes you step in to iron out what seems off, from all that you’ve grasped essence wise from matter.
The problem with this ‘clear up’ is it depletes your energy, especially when you aren’t cognizant of the how’s and whys of its happening.
For the longest time I actually didn’t connect this nor did I even mind doing it (the clear ups I mean) But now with my soul running the show more and more every day. I have an emotional boundary that I’ve become very cognizant of. The kind that says…..unless I see YOU caring for a clear up, or YOU asked for one or at the very least YOU made it known through your vulnerability that YOU are open to perspectives that may carry one.
I will stare at you and ruthlessly leave you to your chosen path. This takes form in simple ways like a response of “madness….” to a rant made.
I couldn’t do that before, do what? Just witness In stead I would block my soul through my false selves guilt narrative and end up entangled. I couldn’t simply just leave person to it because I would feel for the other and conflate my needs when I did similar things, with the other persons. Even though a huge difference existed. I was that person who would present an energetic signal through my vulnerability…There was a part of me that therefore welcomed a clean up and I appreciated those equipped to provide it mainly because my issue came from a place of hurt. (If I’m just venting you’ll know)
I didn’t care for defence and detest people who view objections as defence in and of itself. (Note: why power of definition is important)
I define this clearing up of misunderstandings by default of seeing or feeling its existence as negative for me, when the one presenting it, in extreme cases wants to stand there absolved from responsibility to seek clarification and in normal cases leaves it vague enough I end up entangled..
It’s negative because it requires you to take on a problem that the other persons substance should have a handle on. But they don’t have the substance because at times they may be unconscious of the ego influence, that blinds them to this and in clearing it up for them willingly, you block the individual from seeing their own shadow? You block them from seeing how the ego keeps them in victim consciousness? Even if you point that out, you engaging in a clear up enables them to stay blocked??
The people vary in needs some do exactly what I’m describing, others don’t intend to but come across that way (so it’s you interpreting matter as is) regardless of the details of what form they appear in or not.
You either are being pulled into what doesn’t serve your highest good or you pull yourself in and resent the other who simply was just venting to you. In any case….
When you stay in your lane you actually help the other person because it exposes them to their own lane. That they refuse to even enter in the first place or aren’t aware is there for them to enter. Ultimately they are exposed to a lane where their substance could be obtained…. The rant dies down, they have exhausted the complaint. You’ve heard them and now a space becomes available where they choose one of two things
*Ask for clarity through feedback..
*Leave conversation scratching their own head.
Understanding what serves you and what is in accordance to your highest good. Means to allow the latter to occur and not internalise any discomfort that ensues as a result. Sometimes being authentic means making others uncomfortable. They ain’t uncomfortable with your authenticity but more so the audacity of it and you aren’t uncomfortable because of the other person but more so because you fragmented in moment because you aren’t being authentic.
We live in times where being authentic is…well bizarre. That’s why authenticity is moreso a practice as opposed to something you have or don’t have but I digress…
This cleaning up things that isn’t yours can occur in myriad of ways. It’s easy to fall into and it’s slow poison. That’s why I can only manage it by making it a rule not to….unless (insert the aforementioned exceptions to the rule)
To protect your space you must first cultivate awareness about what invades it. Step into your power of definition to then embrace it. When you don’t you fragment yourself and vital energy that you need to thrive ends up depleted and you are left on a hamster wheel mad at these situations where your energy gets used up. What’s worse you don’t even know at times why you are mad consciously. Without awareness your mind is left in the dark.
The above results in producing the feeling of anger. A feeling that comes to point out a boundary has been or is in the process of being violated by you or another. If you don’t get to benefit from this guidance and matter concludes itself as a boundary being broken or over stepped. Then your feelings don’t leave you hanging. Resentment follows suit loyally carrying guidance, to show you where you are giving your power away or not standing in it. Feelings guide and become your best friend when you begin to decipher what they mean…
Does not seeing resentment as a feeling that shows you where you are giving your power away or lacking to stand in it, make you look at the feeling differently? More importantly in a way that actually empowers you. As opposed to leaving you feeling powerless which is the default way we are prone to relate to resentment…
Whats astonishing is resentment transmuted becomes wisdom and when left to fester passes the buck back to anger through grudge lol rinse repeat.
Let your feelings direct you to what matters or behaviours that are negative for you. Others can give you pointers but no one can define this for you and it’s futile to ignore it just because (perhaps) the negativity is or was within you yourself at one point or another albeit in different ways or on different levels. Don’t ignore what can be used to develop awareness that can facilitate growth for you.
Ive never been team no negativity, I’m more team why does this negativity exist?
Protecting your personal space is one of the greatest personal investments you can make as it is the epitome of self care. I feel doing it from the inside out yields better more fruitful results
You can make boundaries through speech but those that arise through an energetic shift from within stick and speak for themselves.
Ultimately it provides you authentic space woven through substance. It’s authentic because you yourself are taught not to contaminate it. So it becomes a space that maintains catharsis that allows you to Jam uninhibited.