Fumbling in the Dark

If fumbling feels like inefficiency, it’s ok because you can’t walk adequately in the dark anyway. If walking straight is what you associate strength and competency with, then through reason only hold yourself to that expectation when you’ve stepped into your light. To do it you need it.

To fumble in the dark is to know you are not home but have a desire to get there. When you can’t see, you are likely to fumble as you walk. If you’re walking because you know in your heart, Allah put you on that path because it leads home. Then Fumbling about isnt in vain it throws off what’s not from you. The fumble in the dark is what leads to connection with your soul. Its how you pass through the dark into your light. Feel the clumsiness in not knowing where you are or what you are doing.  Feel the doubts that say you are on the wrong path. Feel the fear of ending up somewhere that may break your heart.

Feel and don’t abandon any part of you in the dark. When you fumble you are likely to make discoveries. Likely to fall upon things you didn’t reach aim for but are grateful for.

Feeling in the dark is experiencing the  vulnerability that connects you with Allah. You fumble but find you are touched by the things you need. The things he knows you need.

Fumbling in the dark is Allah polishing you. Its letting that help reach you because you aren’t resisting pain.

Allah doesn’t abandon us he merely asks we don’t abandon ourselves in the dark.

IMG_8644

 

Hope & sabr

IMG_5869

Hope fuels me while sabr ensures I am nourished on the journey. Hope reminds me while sabr encourages me. I’ve noticed when I feel confused about something connected to a matter I have hope in, it means I’m sad and even if only momentarily, I was or am still sad standing still on my journey, unaware of what, what I’m feeling fully means.

With sabr I find space to not just feel but to be under no strain to understand. With sabr I am able to take that next step and in doing so though I lost a moment of ease, I find gratitude in knowing that I didn’t lose hope. To lose sight of the whys behind where I wanted to reach (hope) is just as taxing on my soul as to lose sight of a chance to stop and allow more nourishment (sabr)to reach me.

Time is a message that hope & sabr decipher best. My soul is just my soul, and most accepting of this.