3am Mind

You know today I was out walking and it suddenly dawned on me, the wisdom behind how my life in the past couple of years unfolded. As I listened to my egos whispering of what it would have loved to have done, with all that I’m cognisant of now. I smiled inwardly as I witnessed the subtle truth that though those musings made me chuckle, I loved more & wholeheartedly what Allah did.

Like I just can’t even fathom the immense wisdom behind his plan for me. The kind you can only connect, when you look back.

I genuinely believe certain swords in my back, were best left there for the divine himself to pull out. Rather than my ego which was the only way of life I was acustomed to before.

I know this would be the most gassed thing I probably could say about myself, but ever since I became consciously aware of my worth as a soul, I feel a sense of protection around who I share myself with and what I associate my self with. In all areas of my life, especially in the one thing that’s borrowed which is time. I couldn’t feel more content in sharing my life with the people in it and in the ways and things I now aspire to. 

It’s unbelievable to me that in all my years in this world, the criteria I judge worth by, finally is what’s worthy of me? Instead of an unconscious am I worthy.

I think what happened today was a silent ceremony where I was made to look at the swords from my past and with contentment buried it with gratitude accompanied by the remembrance of Allah. Gratitude for the space I needed that his way created. Space in which I was able to realise my soul and the expansive inner mansion it had for me….called home. 

The soul learns and transcends while the ego cares for right and wrongs. I don’t anymore.

Breaking clean

I don’t resonate with some of the paths I’ve walked down or the conversations that took place in them.  It’s served what it came to serve and gifted me with new truths, values and ways of being. I’ve out grown the past because it’s fulfilled its duty to teach.

Be grateful if you can break clean. 

Soul Ink

Being present with how I feel from moment to moment. Or at the end of daily reflections, through holistic balance of all that I recall to have felt. Births understanding that supports me from a place of  patience and balance. Balance that embraces without bias the places in which Allah chooses to cultivate understanding. Sabr that accepts it because i know its from him.

Ive spent most of my life understanding others at the expense of myself, taking on board their feelings due to empathy and compassion, with a fallacy of ‘mine can  wait‘ on board.

This fragmented my soul into smithereens. I’ve integrated most of what I’ve come to understand and feel no need to rush to get to a finish line as the process heals.

The process of change that through fear related blocks I use to despise, is the process I now feel most alive because in it is Allah.

My actions reflect back to me my strengths and areas that lack it. It reflects back places that have healed and places that await it. Through what I do or don’t do, I witness what flows with inner peace and get to identify what crashes within. Identifying what crashes within from a heart space, has become easier when asked to accept my feelings unconditionally.

Respect what crashes within for the feeling that pushed the breaks has something to give you. What resonates with me is to hold space for my emotions especially the vulnerable ones.  To feel them freely and guard it from being infiltrated by any story connected to anyone or thing,  that requires or summons an exit through doors linked to understanding that accommodate me upon entering.

Falling into that is how detachment from ones feelings occur you turn on your feelings, that let you receive understanding for others as the root of problem for how you abandoned yourself. Your understanding didn’t make you abandon yourself, you did through what you did with it. It’s a form of escapism to turn on your feelings and only results in the new feelings that were trying to guide you back to yourself becoming suppressed.

Detachment occurs due to  Imbalances that stem from unconscious self erasing conditions, of how one accepted  & embraced feelings. It’s self erasure because you became conditioned to disregard your own in service to others. So in finding no ‘use’ or space to place your own, you felt it was fair play to detach.

The greatest story to re write is what one considered good. Re write it this time, with your own soul holding the pen. dipping it in ink of unconditional acceptance and love of self. Keep the existing parts where soul approval exists. Be present with your own feelings unconditionally so you can learn how to meet all of your needs the same, for yourself by yourself.