Cut the Middle Man Out

If you don’t care about my peace of mind, I don’t feel valued by you…

That’s ok, just make sure to establish the peace you need yourself and to realise your feeling here, is sending a reminder. For you to remember who you are, so you can value it to do the above. 

If you feel a sense of abandonment or rejection  creeping up on you in any matter you are immersed in. Then know that the feeling is showing  you, that in that very moment you are not standing in the power of your value.

If you make that conscious connect, you shift because you remember your value & the feeling subsides, because you received what it came to give you.

When you see your feelings as messengers, you don’t run the risk of activating projections, that make you miss the loyal Mail. 


Springing Back

My resilience was birthed from the burdens I shouldered, that I now know I shouldnt have had to… desire for relief, because of the burdens.

Im looking at my ability for seeing the bigger picture easier than most, differently. Making peace that skipping myself, provided a head start to do it.

I don’t know if that’s a blessing or a tradegy. I feel, I think it’s more the blessing in the midst of the tradegy. 

I wondered one day,  how I could keep the blessing and end the tradegy…

My heart said through emotional attunement that doesn’t underestimate your value and overestimate others intentions and integrity….

When the hearts involved there should be no negotiation or dictation over how one deals. Let others cradle their unsettled truths and grief how they need to. 

Forgiveness is a process that triggers those afraid of accountability.  I’m not killing my self softly, hoping you won’t be. 


CEO of my Wellbeing

To protect your space (wellbeing) you must first cultivate awareness about what invades it. Then step into your power to embrace it. 

When you don’t you fragment yourself and vital energy that you need to thrive ends up depleted. 

What’s worse you may not even know why you’re frustrated in a moment. Because without awareness your mind is left in the dark intercepted by the ego/false self. That is scrambling for judgment or blame via complaints, because it has to make interpretations that suit its motivation for survival about your experience in some way.

A lot of the time we are aware of major things that affect our wellbeing. Hence why people have boundaries regarding them.

I’ve found the little things we tolerate however  are more consistent and therefore are prone to  yield more frequent invasions of our space.  Reason dictates it should have more attention because it’s through them that the cracks appear (waiting to be seen) in the first place. 

For example it may be easy for someone to  distance themselves from someone who lied to them because honesty is a boundary connected to their values (for obvious reasons) 

What falls through the cracks however, is the truth that, that same person may not have boundaries against energies that don’t uphold their boundary for honesty. So they are akin to tolerate vagueness, lack of transparency and in essence booky/shady behaviour. All of which clearly clog up the stream,their wellbeing is meant to flow through and to (them) in.

This tolerance is an unconscious choice because it’s as though they don’t give themselves the permission to protect themselves; because based on their subconscious beliefs they haven’t caught person out on a lie yet so what they feel otherwise becomes irrelevant. 

What’s worthy to note here is the thought process of doubt that says ‘nothing really happened’ i.e proof of being lied to hasn’t manifested. Is how the ego false self evaluates the external circumstance, to ultimately divert one away from the truth that something is happening inside…..the false self isn’t motivated towards ones wholeness just their survival. 

So ‘nothing happened’  actually means, nothing that upholds the energy of honesty is around you through this person or circumstance & your guidance system (feelings) is telling you via your soul “I don’t need this” “i dont want to engage with this” “this isn’t good for me” 

So in effect something IS happening and it’s something not conducive to your wellbeing, because you ain’t ok with certain energies when it comes around you and that matters. 

Cement the cracks with your truth of that, not debate it because there isn’t yet a fact. Close what invades your space with unconditional commitment to how you feel. Not leave it open because your feelings on their own are deemed unreliable by you yourself or anyone else. 

No one is responsible for your wellbeing but you. That’s why i feel its best to choose resonation over compromise. The former carries no confusion and the latter in this context is akin to the worst connotations that stem from the notion of settlement.

Compromising with energies that don’t uphold the energies that support a boundary is the pathway to getting stuck in comfortable limitations. Which in reality leaves you uncomfortable because it carries the illusion of protection from a set back or loss. In my case fear of getting something wrong were the kind of set backs I’d avoid like the plague. 

What I realised a while ago,is the subtle truth that as the CEO of my life, I’m good with not getting the protection of my wellbeing wrong.

Thats the priority that if & when met, takes care of everything I need. Security comes from within. To give it to our ownselves and not look for it in others behaviours is the pinnacle of being responsible. 

The Past & Owning your Story.

“You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” -Brené Brown

Worthiness is hustled because you become disconnected from your worth when your story isn’t owned by you. The hustle happens within even though our worth neither increases nor decreases because it’s fixed in state since we are born with it. When our story isn’t owned our worthiness isn’t felt hence the internal  hustle for it and it isn’t felt because it’s blocked by shame. What does not owning your story mean? I am not referring to denial or delusion which is some of the ways people refuse to own their story. I am referring to not going within enough and thus missing the root of a matter that has hurt you.

What he/she they or society did is 10% of the story the other 90% is how it made you truly feel. That raw feeling inside that wants to address the kind of untruths about your self that you may even intellectually recognise for what it is, but for the life in you can’t fathom why its poison effects you still. Your story is your vulnerability. Owning that is how breakthroughs happen.

A breakthrough I believe is something that creeps up on you. It isn’t like a shift, a shift is part of a process, where in order for you to proceed on your journey its needed as fuel.  I feel a shift can be sensed and felt as it happens but a breakthrough you can’t. A shift is like a green light telling you to cross over to another side where the grass is green and the sky is bright. It’s a change in perception and a new found perspective about yourself and about life.

A breakthrough is a culimination of a matter that yesterday was hurting you and today you’ve realised you’ve gone passed its pain and entered a state of true inner peace. A breakthrough is the realisation that the hook that aligned you with the negative emotions of grief, sorrow, anger, shame and resentment that you felt has been removed, has been healed. Most mistake a shift for a breakthrough.

Breakthroughs are the true blessings in healing, it’s the ease after the hardship. It isn’t indifference to what happened it’s transcendence over it. For example you have alchemised the energy of pain into direction, grief into gaining your self, sorrow into self compassion. Anger into values that gave birth to solid boundaries. Shame into self empathy that made you switch lanes from that hazardous route shame set you upon most of your life. As for resentment? I believe it’s transmuted into wisdom the kind that ensures you do not end up making a u-turn back there, back where? To the places and things and people that didn’t honour your soul. To the energetic fields you entered unconsciously because you were separated and therefore neglectful of your own soul.

When you are in a healthy state of being i.e connected to yourself with no unconcious programmings sabotaging your flow. The past serves to reasonably inform the present. When you are not in such a state the past serves to hijack the present.

Why is the past informing the present so beneficial? Because life is continuous, it goes on and so situations that mirror or reflect matters, pertaining to what led to your spiritual growth in the first place do rear its head again in subtle ways.  These matters are opportunities to practice what you’ve learnt. To make your new substance part of your subconscious flow. The past can help with this as it contains intimate details of all the lessons you learnt, all the discoveries you made. The growths that occurred through the pain you chose to feel, heal and release.

As you go forward in life be grateful for the hooks Allah removed and continues to. Be grateful for his infinite wisdom and his grace that guided you to see, understand and recieve clarity about the things, that had he not guided you about, would have left you lost and stuck on a hamsters wheel.

You can only connect the dots when you look back and that is because the past is informing your present, your intuition is confirming and you are listening.  As new doors open, you find new truths that are gifts meant to carry you through to the next phase of your journey to self actualise. A phase of maturity, empowerment, deeper self love and acceptance.

Healing is a process that is deeply intimate and important. It can not occur with out self honesty, resilience and patience. As you venture out you will feel lighter because the old baggage is gone. When you feel heavy because of a new load (because life is continuous and there is so much more to learn) then it can be appreciated  and understood that the past informing the present is actually a present from Allah.  It’s a reminder of the things you found on the paths you took that facilitated your growth, your healing. Reminders benefit the faithful. 

I’ve learnt that there is no wrong path, for all paths traversed happened in order to teach something, reveal something. To add a layer of something needed, to you. Or to peel back a layer of something no longer required from you.

When the process of healing is bypassed in any way, the past pops up through memories that cause suffering through shame. That is how it hijacks the present.

“When we own our own stories, we avoid being trapped as characters in the stories someone else is telling.” -Brené Brown, Rising Strong

We also avoid being trapped in the stories we tell ourselves. The kind of stories that block you from receiving your own love and the love of those who love you. Because that’s how shame operates, like shaytan eating your food because you didn’t say bismillah and then wondering why you don’t feel that full. You are robbed and unaware of how  because you can’t see it externally nor can you compute it mentally as it happens.

When you own your story your character in that shame inducing story dies in your mind because it is in your mind that it is kept alive in the first place. When you own it, it becomes like that character in a tv series who exited in season 4.

Where did they end up? In the absence of shame they ended up with self empathy. They stopped defacing their soul. They own their intentions and their actions that they felt ashamed of because of how it was received or treated. Self empathy reminds them the shame narrative they attributed to their story is an illusion. Self empathy reminds them what was true from them, and how that is the only thing that matters. Only when you own your story do you get to transmute shame into empathy and compassion that leads to clarity and understanding. The soul structure intends to be built upon iron not straws.

The hooks fall off with the shame lensed glasses you took off. The past informs the present so they do not come back on. 


The Heights..

Have you ever experienced a situation where you were going against something your heart knows is for you and so Allah granted you guidance through your intuition….. A guidance that resulted in contradictions of the mental narrative you were fleeing through?

This is the ego not co signing your hearts desire because it doesn’t trust it. It’s fleeing because the situation your soul is aligned with exposes it to discomforts it wishes to avoid.

The egos foundation is based on fear, it’s motive and life force is embedded in only one thing and that is survival.

A person brave enough to confront the internal conflict that arises as a result of Allah’s signs, that contradict the mental constraints of the ego they were engulfed in. Ends up in a valley where they know in their hearts, that their soul isnt co signing their fear based thoughts about matter for a reason.

And so through hope & faith they stop running and become still instead. Trusting in the point of que sera sera (what will be will be)

They recognise that in fleeing there is no inner peace and what is inner peace except the souls language of approval. The soul is always motivated in the direction of wholeness, of you being complete and so inner peace is its way of communicating that you are in alignment with that.

With that all said it must also be said, that this is just one side of the coin. The other side is what this post entry is really about.

What happens when through the egos will to survive one runs to a matter their soul isn’t aligned with?

The same internal conflict arises but in this case the intuition, the hunch is seen as a burden that threatens what is being pursued. The individual begins to compensate by becoming a servant to the external matter that plays a part in bringing the internal conflict into fruition. They cut themselves down to size. Sometimes even compromising their own dignity and directly affecting their wellbeing.

‘If I do this then this fear won’t occur’ ‘it’s just a crease in the affair that can be ironed out’
‘A complication, most things have them, I’ll be patient’

Shaytan infiltrates this person through the concept of benefit of the doubt, and through compromise. It dresses self bettayal like this because he relies on the exploitation of reason in persons mind.

Because to most these are good traits so why or how can it be a problem? It’s a problem because these traits are being summoned by the ego mind and not stemming from the individuals heart soul space.

This difference between the above examples where internal conflict exists is crucial.

When you flee from what your heart and soul co-sign simply because the external reality about matter scares the shit out of you. In ignoring the incongruence that comes from your chosen act of abandoning ship (fleeing), you betray yourself to serve your egos will to survive.

And When you stay despite your heart and soul not co signing matter you cling to, (and it isn’t co signed when your intuition goes against it) Then you remain to your own detriment.

This is self betrayal of the highest order. So self betrayal can occur in a matter whether you fled or stayed. The point is necessarily connected to the position you took, but more is determined by the influence behind it, because each situation is different.

If Listening to your intuition (heeding the signs Allah gives you directing you to a certain truth) is the policy. The procedure can at times be to stay and at times to flee and never look back. The procedure you adopt must be in alignment with the policy above…. if khayr and success is what’s hoped for.

Don’t ignore your hunches for true justice starts with being just with yourself.

Hunches/intuitions don’t come out from mid air for no reason. They are indicators assisting a truth that requires your attention.

When you are afraid to face it’s message and are quick to go in to a management position of your own feeling. Then you are erasing a part of you (that Hunch is a part of you)

Quite often, such hunches are dismissed because one can’t compartmentalise the hunch into a logical framework that helps them to decipher its meaning in the moment. To decipher in a way that supports their motive to continue the pursuit of external matter in question.

If the feeling can not be qualified by a fact then it’s easy to dismiss it. Especially more, when said feeling is going against a matter they wish to acquire, achieve or to manifest. Much to the approval of their ego that has ‘okayed’ this goal because it’s working in tandem to what it legislated as part of its comfort zone.

In cases like this the intuition (guidance from Allah in matter) is registered as a disturbance, it makes the person feel imbalanced and challenged about what it is that they want. What it is that they pursue. What their ego calls to is more comforting and so they make the choice to follow it. By the time the illusion is revealed it is often to late. This is the meaning in the ayah…

“Have you seen he who has taken as his god his [own] desire, and Allah has sent him astray due to knowledge and has set a seal upon his hearing and his heart and put over his vision a veil? So who will guide him after Allah ? Then will you not be reminded?” (Quran 45:23)

“Taken as his god his own desire” why does the Quran say this? Because through consideration of intuition (that came as divine guidance to direct to what’s in cohesion to persons highest good) the ego is sent into melt down because of the discomfort it perceives and so all of the individuals chosen actions, from that moment onwards, become infiltrated by the egos will to survive. The hunch is suppressed and the person continues on their chosen path.

These examples are the psychology behind doubts that are faced with courage and red flags that are ignored. The thin line that exists between the two, can only be fathomed from a heart & soul space.

Allah never abandons an individual, they are prone to abandon themselves through fear in both kinds of situations. They are always divinely assisted. And a sign of divine assistance is when the heart is not aligned to the matter thats pursued because through soul leaks, intuition is communicating and directing to something.

Allah guides through intuition, what many relate to as a “Hunch”

And it’s in these moments where we are meant to pause and reflect on why something is a amiss, why there is a mis alignment. Those true to themselves do, because the duality in them collapses due to the internal conflict that arose within.

As for those who suppressed the internal conflict through justifications that led to compensating their way through matter…

There are two verses in surah al ‘araf (Quran chapter the heights) that addresses their circumstance best.

“…And recite (O Muhammad pbuh) to them the story of him to whom we gave Our Ayaat (proofs, evidences and signs) but he threw them away, so Shaitaan followed him up, and he became of those who went astray.”

“And had We willed, We would surely have elevated him therewith but he clung to the earth and followed his own vain desire. So his description is the description of a dog: if you drive him away, he lolls his tongue out, or if you leave him alone, he (still) lolls his tongue out.

( Al-Acraaf 7:175-6)

Self betrayal begins when the signs of Allah about a matter are seen as burdens (and not a friend in deed) thus is acted against. “Thrown away”

It’s Seen as a burden because it threatens the egos version of stability. The above verses in surah “al ‘araf” are about those who fail to act on a truth revealed to them by Allah.

With the Quran being timeless in meaning, i think there is a synchronicity about these verses being in a chapter called the heights.

Background tafsir about this chapter highlights that al araf is a hill like mountain where the people stood on it, are suspended between the two worlds of paradise and hell. The synchronicity in relation to topic is in the profound truth that when the type of internal conflicts explained in this article arise, the individual is suspended between following their soul or ego.

A tug of war where truth is concerned will always have ego versus soul at either end of it.

“ Shaitaan followed him up, and he became of those who went astray.”

Upon turning away shaytan follows the person up through his ego fears and cements his chosen path for him by highlighting the fears that made him turn away in the first place. As previously stated the soul is motivated in the direction of wholeness. So shaytan following up is to ensure that this person doesn’t eventually turn back.

He reminds them of the ego fears that made him originally cling heavily to the earth (to chosen path) irrespective of the fact that they didn’t have inner peace about matter.
This person goes astray because he ran from the truth under the clutches of the ego that had a will to survive. and the sad part is if the individual was true to themselves Allah would have facilitated a path that honoured them.

“And had We willed, We would surely have elevated him therewith but he clung to the earth and followed his own vain desire”

Operating through the egos dictation leaves no space for one to be receptive to the help of Allah.

The soul leaves this space because it recognises Allah. The ego is formed through wounds and only recognises what it registers as protecting you from experiencing said wound. It runs the show that is ones life based on this blueprint of survival.

The ego is not something that can be amputated out, it is also a part of us that shouldn’t be vilified for its ways but rather made concious so it can be integrated back to its destined position, which is to assist the soul, not run ones life in its place.

The only expert on the ship is the human soul the part of us that is eternal and will never die. But most importantly the part of us motivated through wholeness, through truth.

When Allah gives us signs and shows us proofs of a matter we are meant to take heed, not cling heavily to the earth through ego based desires. The reward for those who take heed is elevation.

“his description is the description of a dog: if you drive him away, he lolls his tongue out, or if you leave him alone, he (still) lolls his tongue out”

And The consequence for those who don’t is humiliation. Individual is left at the mercy of the external reality that doesn’t take their wellbeing into consideration.
So whatever is done to them they remain shackled until they see and opt for a way out this time heeding the signs of Allah that came for them not against them.

And the promise of Allah has shown consistent truth for men and women of understanding, who prone to reflect and connect the dots looking back.

May he protect us from following our fear based ego desires. Allah has given us free will to choose. And our will carries with it an ability to manifest an entire reality.