Fulfilment & Wholeness

Forgiveness soothes the heart and acts as a barrier that keeps out the fire of resentment. It aligns one to stand with their authentic power, instead of comfort that deceives them from the realisation that they aren’t standing in it or worse have actually given it away.

Forgiveness is to give up the hope that the past could be any different and in managing that, we come to understand the present is all that we have and all that we need. To ensure a future, that encompasses the difference that was hoped for.

They say Forgiveness is to set free a prisoner only to find out that the prisoner was yourself. A prisoner, imprisoned from aligning with their truth. The kind of truth that swooshes past like a warm summer breeze. That whispers in spite of all that hurt you….. there is a part of your heart that remains pure (unblocked), that it is guarded by a part of you that wants to be acknowledged without shame or resistance. 

Only when we do acknowledge it, can we begin to finally heal and be free. Free from our own self judgment that has kept out the loving presence & truth of our soul. 

     ~~~~~~Reflection~~~~~~

After forgiveness, I found disappointment that left me sometimes feeling dejected & sometimes displaced. Some days ok…some days not so.

I prayed, asking Allah to reveal whats of benefit to me. To guide me to the root of what causes me re occurring imbalances and I realised  the feeling of disappointment that plagues my heart, carries a message asking me to acknowledge my truth unconditionally. 

And my authentic truth is that I don’t feel fulfilled. It’s like with this realisation came the death of what once was and the birth of a new adventure. That I don’t feel afraid of embarking upon.

Fulfilment is a gift no one can give you but yourself.  It requires the courage to not settle for anything less than what you know in your heart you deserve and prefer. The gps towards our  fulfilment is planted in the heart. The directions towards it are heard as intuition. 

Disappointment hurts because it is easy for the ego to infiltrate the space it squats in and take us down valleys of blame and judgment. Such valleys aren’t fulfilling when at times the ones we  judge and blame, we also love. (This includes ourselves) our emotional body will always reject falsehood with more feelings of discomfort. Truth settles in the heart, like a gentle swaying leaf lands where Allah willed for it to land. It doesn’t disturb through suffering, it just makes itself known.

We always have a choice to choose our stories, one of my biggest mistakes was to hope for those who I believe cared for me, write one worthy of me. In the parts where they were concerned or involved .

Until one day I realised not everyone who knows your worth also values it and quite often than not, it’s not even intentional not to. There could be distractions that ultimately have nothing to do with you. 

And perhaps that is one of life’s most difficult lessons, that Allah wishes to teach us. I.e Even though our expectations carry some proof of knowledge of our own self worth (as seen through what we expect that we feel is good for us). It also carries proof that we don’t value that good enough ourselves. Enough to give it to our selves, instead of waiting for it from others who either don’t care, or do but are distracted in myriad of ways.

Seeking what fulfils you reminds you to not settle. It is the bedrock of self love because it doesn’t allow you to unconsciously hand over your power by operating from a lack based mentality. A mentality that entraps you in a story where your fulfilment is absent and waited on, for it to be opted in, by others.  

I was guided to transmute the feeling of disappointment, into the authentic truth that I was witnessing unfulfilment. This simple mind shift empowers because it lies the onus of responsibility at your feet. 

Through it we can seek what fulfils us by moving away from what doesn’t first and foremost. The reoccurring imbalances end by one’s moving away from what doesn’t serve them, because what plagues the heart in grief, is given ample room to be healed and what doesn’t serve is always a clue as to what doesn’t fulfil.  

Staying in a vibration of disappointment leads to low vibrational feelings of sadness that the ego steers towards blame and judgment even towards your own self. 

When we acknowledge the deeper truth that a matter isn’t fulfilling. We land in our soul space that has been ready to take responsibility, for our lack of feeling un fulfilled. We align with our soul truth that wants to take us towards the paths that align with our fulfilment. 

If seeking fulfilment empowers, then it is because we are on the right track. It is because we aren’t giving away our power on the journey. It is because we aren’t choosing to let disappointment become our tent or our story.

It is because we are acknowledging our authentic reality, that this matter, this thing, this treatment, this place, this relationship, this job, this thought, this person or this plan, the way all this, currently is…Isn’t fulfilling me, something is missing and that matters. 

Deciding it matters is the essence of stamping value on your hearts resonance. On your needs which ultimately are you. When what matters is realised, so is it’s value. When value is truly acknowledged, your perception and how you move shift.

This spiral of clarity upwards leads to wholeness. If  the destination is wholeness, aligning with what fulfils you is the only way to get there. All other roads are mirages, illusions and ultimately dead ends.

Only you know what fulfils you, don’t deceive yourself. In life if we aren’t shifting due to the truth, we are looping due to unintentional self deception. 

Crestfallen or Equanimous

The relationship you have with yourself is the one you will have with others. People enter your life as confirmation of how you are with yourself inside. They compliment both your light and dark nature. They reflect both your conscious and unconscious activity. It’s important to pay attention to those who come to highlight the latter. They are there through divine wisdom as an opportunity for you to integrate parts of yourself. It’s important to pay attention to the negative experiences you have because ignoring it only exacerbates the intensity of the lesson when it returns for its next stint, and return it will…

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On a human level we are all the same. Susceptible to dislike for discomfort, unease or pain. Its these emotions that require our attention through awareness and diligence in focus. Yet we meet them with dejection and eventually remove ourselves from experiencing them all together.

It’s this supression of emotions that lead to never ending loops and cycles that reflect and bring the same problems back. The subconscious mind obeys us when we say we don’t want to deal with this or that. It takes this or that and files it somewhere. There is no shredding or deletion just files stacked in a room named the unconscious. Files that require opening because in the midst of the unconscious lies ones authentic self.

Emotions when experienced and allowed to flow lead to feelings that unravel the messages our souls want us to receive. Messages that carry information regarding our true self.

Often we find intuition asking us to take a closer look at the things that upset us, captivate us negatively and catapult us away from the present moment. Intuition being the the seat of the soul, directs motivated towards our wholeness.  Without listening to it, and further suppressing our feelings we remain stuck in the very situations that bring about the emotions we will, to shove away and not experience.

Life is strange but predictable like that, until you learn the lesson the circumstances surrounding it will continue to come back. However much the people, the actual situation, date, or even year may change.

Standing in ones power is best observed every time you exercise the awareness that the buck starts and ends with you.

Why is this happening? Serves us best when followed by what is it trying to show me? What it shows is what it’s teaching.

I’ve always wondered about those two questions. Even if my initial reaction was to get lost in the story, I found myself returning to those two valleys. Sometimes I didn’t get the answers I needed in order to receive the lesson. But it was sufficient that I asked those questions. Sometimes asking those questions was the lesson. In any case wondering about the right things eventually leads you to the paths where Allah provides the answers.

These type of journeys don’t require suffering as a passenger. Suffering happens when you resist what is, when you exit the present moment.

The next time you feel discomfort, unease or pain, pause for the cause that is the emergence of your true self. Pause and allow yourself to experience those emotions fully, because through the experience they transform themselves and when they transform you receive guidance.

Crestfallen is the result when you think life is what happens to you. Equanimity is the result when you believe it happens for you.

 

Entrance of the False self

How can you spot where you’ve set up a false self? How do you know where remnants of its existence, still make an appearance in your life?

By looking closely at the things  you fear negativity can be attached to.  Those aren’t your fears, it’s your false selves.  That fear is an indication of where a false self version of you is making an appearance in a present moment.

The fear in the above mentioned context  is a sign of the carbon monoxide your false self is breathing out. If your soul isn’t breathing in a moment, your false self is. They can not both take oxygen simultaneously (metaphorically speaking)

Remove a false self layer by acknowledging  how you feel. Especially acknowledge & state  how you feel when a fear arises of you being perceived as negative because of it.  Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter in the grand scheme of things don’t mind. 

Peoples intent are not your business, that is a matter in the jurisdiction of Allah. What is your business is the effect.

Allow your feelings to point out to you where a boundary is crossed. To stifle how you feel because it would be judged as being negative. Is to allow a false version of you to appear that gives no significance to a violated boundary. When a boundary is violated it is you who is summoned to know first not the one doing it.

In that moment you go one of two ways, self abandonment or self love. Choose self love, No one can  warp your reality or disable your truth but you.

Sometimes it takes a long time for one to see just how much they’ve  violated their own boundaries. How much they’ve  abandoned themselves. Because that false self version is in the way, perpetuating the very blind spots that ensure their self abandonment and poor boundaries persist. 

I have a false self present when I tip toe around someone’s feelings. I then feel angry when I see my own is shown no consideration. These people only reflect back what you do to yourself. 

Anger isn’t negativity it’s an emotion highlighting self abandonment or lack of boundary, Sometimes both.

Ironically what your false self feared about being judged as negative, and what your true self leaks by way of anger that communicates you are out of alignment, in the end may get the same label of being negative put on them. Some people often need an exit to avoid responsibility. They sometimes have no qualms about taking one that blames you.

If you stay true to yourself and in alignment with speaking your truth. Your soul doesnt get the same wrap as your false self. And even if it does your soul remains composed as it is aligned with self trust.

In embracing your shadow you find strength through your unconditional self love because you’ve aligned it with unconditional self acceptance.

In assuming your firm side is harmful you fragment yourself.

You are not a buffet presented  to be nit picked from, you are a 3 course meal meant to be digested  with acceptance and love.

Do it first yourself.