Love is a state of being that beams no matter what your head space is spewing in a moment due to some pain or grief.
When it’s true it just is, without any conditions regulating its state.
The greatest gift love comes to give is its willingness to collude with our soul. To teach us, that on the sometimes painstaking journey to wholeness. Only through the acceptance of the presence of its beam will we make it unfragmented. That this can be achieved and to truly self actualise, the heart can not be blocked, or it’s truth repressed because ones ego consciousness doesn’t know how or even want to make space for it.
We can leave alone the love that’s there and still erect healthy boundaries. We can leave alone the love that’s there and not abandon ourselves.
Truly the ultimate test of true love is about shining a light on our potential to let love flow, in spite of all that calls us to deny and resist its existence. It’s about healing the obstacles in the way of this. As the obstacles are also the same ones that block our route to wholeness.
If there is love in your heart and a lot going on in your life that hurts, than there is just love in your heart and a lot going on. This in itself is a truth that when micromanaged or compartmentalised in anyway, with edits of resistance from ego, suffering can ensue.
Suffering ends when we become real with our truths and the truth here is that a state of love in our heart, should be acknowledged and prioritised because it’s our state of being in a moment.
I use to think it’s the business of the one it’s felt for too. This thinking was the battlefield my ego won on so many rounds because when I love you and you hurt me, when I love you and im feeling neglected. I suffer the results of the warped perception, that my love is also the responsibility of the external factors it relates to.
My inability to get rid of the love in my heart, (because I saw it as a part of another who through my perception didn’t do right by it) was percieved as defeat. To leave it alone was to me validation of the experience that bought me to the internal conflict in the first place. My ego wanted me to wrap up my feelings and throw it away and my soul wanted me to embrace it unconditionally. To not fight the current of what is, but rather to flow with it.
When love beams through you it’s a state of being that engulfs you. You can resist it and suffer or let it be and realise that you don’t have to share what’s within, by default that it is within.
You can can take inventory of all that seeks out what’s in your inner world and let your hearts resonance decide if its worthy of a response.
I’m learning through my soul, that to hold space for the love in my heart, is to not be emotionally unavailable to myself. But rather to be available unconditionally.
Who would of thought that the door to liberation in this matter, was the very one I closed because I perceived it to be entrapment.
Trapped in vulnerability
Trapped in fear
Trapped by a perception that did not really see me.
Only Allah can take away the illusions that entrap us and put in its place his grace that guides & empowers us.
When love is percieved as your business you become the captain of your ship. Sailing through the storms of life in the direction of what fulfils you. Protecting your essence, your gold because it’s of value & more importantly understanding what it truly means to value what’s yours first and foremost yourself.
“You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” -Brené Brown
Worthiness is hustled because you become disconnected from your worth when your story isn’t owned by you. The hustle happens within even though our worth neither increases nor decreases because it’s fixed in state since we are born with it. When our story isn’t owned our worthiness isn’t felt hence the internal hustle for it and it isn’t felt because it’s blocked by shame. What does not owning your story mean? I am not referring to denial or delusion which is some of the ways people refuse to own their story. I am referring to not going within enough and thus missing the root of a matter that has hurt you.
What he/she they or society did is 10% of the story the other 90% is how it made you truly feel. That raw feeling inside that wants to address the kind of untruths about your self that you may even intellectually recognise for what it is, but for the life in you can’t fathom why its poison effects you still. Your story is your vulnerability. Owning that is how breakthroughs happen.
A breakthrough I believe is something that creeps up on you. It isn’t like a shift, a shift is part of a process, where in order for you to proceed on your journey its needed as fuel. I feel a shift can be sensed and felt as it happens but a breakthrough you can’t. A shift is like a green light telling you to cross over to another side where the grass is green and the sky is bright. It’s a change in perception and a new found perspective about yourself and about life.
A breakthrough is a culimination of a matter that yesterday was hurting you and today you’ve realised you’ve gone passed its pain and entered a state of true inner peace. A breakthrough is the realisation that the hook that aligned you with the negative emotions of grief, sorrow, anger, shame and resentment that you felt has been removed, has been healed. Most mistake a shift for a breakthrough.
Breakthroughs are the true blessings in healing, it’s the ease after the hardship. It isn’t indifference to what happened it’s transcendence over it. For example you have alchemised the energy of pain into direction, grief into gaining your self, sorrow into self compassion. Anger into values that gave birth to solid boundaries. Shame into self empathy that made you switch lanes from that hazardous route shame set you upon most of your life. As for resentment? I believe it’s transmuted into wisdom the kind that ensures you do not end up making a u-turn back there, back where? To the places and things and people that didn’t honour your soul. To the energetic fields you entered unconsciously because you were separated and therefore neglectful of your own soul.
When you are in a healthy state of being i.e connected to yourself with no unconcious programmings sabotaging your flow. The past serves to reasonably inform the present. When you are not in such a state the past serves to hijack the present.
Why is the past informing the present so beneficial? Because life is continuous, it goes on and so situations that mirror or reflect matters, pertaining to what led to your spiritual growth in the first place do rear its head again in subtle ways. These matters are opportunities to practice what you’ve learnt. To make your new substance part of your subconscious flow. The past can help with this as it contains intimate details of all the lessons you learnt, all the discoveries you made. The growths that occurred through the pain you chose to feel, heal and release.
As you go forward in life be grateful for the hooks Allah removed and continues to. Be grateful for his infinite wisdom and his grace that guided you to see, understand and recieve clarity about the things, that had he not guided you about, would have left you lost and stuck on a hamsters wheel.
You can only connect the dots when you look back and that is because the past is informing your present, your intuition is confirming and you are listening. As new doors open, you find new truths that are gifts meant to carry you through to the next phase of your journey to self actualise. A phase of maturity, empowerment, deeper self love and acceptance.
Healing is a process that is deeply intimate and important. It can not occur with out self honesty, resilience and patience. As you venture out you will feel lighter because the old baggage is gone. When you feel heavy because of a new load (because life is continuous and there is so much more to learn) then it can be appreciated and understood that the past informing the present is actually a present from Allah. It’s a reminder of the things you found on the paths you took that facilitated your growth, your healing. Reminders benefit the faithful.
I’ve learnt that there is no wrong path, for all paths traversed happened in order to teach something, reveal something. To add a layer of something needed, to you. Or to peel back a layer of something no longer required from you.
When the process of healing is bypassed in any way, the past pops up through memories that cause suffering through shame. That is how it hijacks the present.
“When we own our own stories, we avoid being trapped as characters in the stories someone else is telling.” -Brené Brown, Rising Strong
We also avoid being trapped in the stories we tell ourselves. The kind of stories that block you from receiving your own love and the love of those who love you. Because that’s how shame operates, like shaytan eating your food because you didn’t say bismillah and then wondering why you don’t feel that full. You are robbed and unaware of how because you can’t see it externally nor can you compute it mentally as it happens.
When you own your story your character in that shame inducing story dies in your mind because it is in your mind that it is kept alive in the first place. When you own it, it becomes like that character in a tv series who exited in season 4.
Where did they end up? In the absence of shame they ended up with self empathy. They stopped defacing their soul. They own their intentions and their actions that they felt ashamed of because of how it was received or treated. Self empathy reminds them the shame narrative they attributed to their story is an illusion. Self empathy reminds them what was true from them, and how that is the only thing that matters. Only when you own your story do you get to transmute shame into empathy and compassion that leads to clarity and understanding. The soul structure intends to be built upon iron not straws.
The hooks fall off with the shame lensed glasses you took off. The past informs the present so they do not come back on.
You’ve seen the damage words can do, when full of thoughtless pride. Now heed the wiser voice in you, that calls to be your guide.