Do you know what the caged birds sing?
‘Your well runneth over’
It is the well of your love that you should drink from first. May your heart forgive you for living without it.
Do you know what the caged birds sing?
‘Your well runneth over’
It is the well of your love that you should drink from first. May your heart forgive you for living without it.
True safety is found not through compensating for your deepest insecurities and fears but through comforting them. These aspects represent your child self that hasn’t been integrated into your adult consciousness because of your self antagonism, and that child desperately wishes to find a home in your heart.
Synergise with your inner child
Truth doesn’t require defence in the face of others. Just in your presence when doubts fuelled by mental limitations and conceptions tarnish it. Your soul defends it with ‘let it be’ Listen and muster up the courage to face your fears….so that you can let it be.
‘Liberation is a state of freedom where the individual ego is eliminated and the true egoless state or the state of Self is cognized. Liberation is the feeling that exists in all of us, only it is hidden from our view. It is that something that stands behind us and is our real true life.
If this is our own true and real Self, then why are we not experiencing this at all times? The reason is that our lower (false) self has created limitations which conceal the nature of our true and real existence. When these self-created limitations, which are artificial, are removed, then the Soul is realized. This is called the liberation of the soul.
When the ignorance and the misunderstanding of our true and real Self vanishes, then and then only does the real Self stand in its own true effulgence’
“The deliverance of the human from his self-created bondage, the glory of that which is beyond all grasp of thought, the happiness that is the very foundation of our existence, is nearer to us than anything of a physical nature.”
– Charlie Lutes
The end in sight is left open ended just like it was in the beginning. The road ahead that felt so bumpy feels uneven as if it’s telling me to mind my step. The sensations in my body point to feelings of wanting to vomit. I hardly ate, reason reminds, there is nothing to vomit out chill inside…
My soul is lost in imagination with what it has collected and contained of new values and truths. It’s itching to go..im becoming aware that it can see something clearly…. as If it’s already energetically there…
The present moment feels powerful because of the substance my soul is there fiddling with. Ego noise is in the distant background concerned about an outcome and its current discomforts. It isn’t loud enough to distract, hijack, or even contaminate what’s going on.
I feel stuck in a 3D circumstance, but yet I’m free somewhere else I’ve never truly been in before? What’s going on with my soul. Why is it rearing and so itchy to go. like an Olympic racer about to sprint somewhere. Positioned past ready, frozen in set…and waiting for go. I’m marvelled by it all…when the rope tightens its about to snap. The opposite of faith isn’t doubt it’s certainty. The opposite of hope isn’t fear it’s security.
Oh Allah I surrender the outcome of my circumstance to you. I surrender the desire of my state in it too.
When the soul is the only expert on the ship, and its positioned itself for something that feels so so real…. summon courage to hold space for what inspired it. Even if you don’t fully understand it yet. There is nothing and then there is something, but above all there is the divine and his connect to your soul.
It’s not easy to unconditionally accept all of your needs because it requires brutal truth about what they are. An experience of betrayal unfolding before you can be emotionally traumatic. You could be witnessing in a moment intentional cruelty. I read some where how one of the most over looked causes for emotional trauma is a ‘humiliating or deeply disappointing experience’…..certain events that lead to any of the above lead to trauma if it happened unexpectedly, if you were unprepared for it or if you felt powerless to prevent it.
What struck me most is the truth that such a cause is over looked. It isn’t something we associate trauma with. We are unconcious of the reality as it is experienced and we do not even register it for what it actually is. This over looked cause of emotional trauma, is actually the most common, that in itself is disturbing.
I mean how many people are out there in the very throes of emotional trauma and those around them witnessing it, including themselves are non the wiser?
Awareness of trauma becomes diluted or fogged out as one feels shocked, indenial or disbelief. There is confusion and disorientation up in the mix, because the symptoms of trauma are honed in on without necessarily realising, that the reality in the moment is you are traumatised by what just happened….
The symptom isn’t the cause, the cause gives birth to the symptoms. So you are in shock because you are traumatised. You are in disbelief because you’re traumatised. In denial and confused by what just happened because it traumatised you.
Feeling powerless to prevent an emotionally traumatic event, happens most when what shocks you are the actions of someone else, someone you didn’t want to experience such actions from. You feel the choices another makes in a moment, consisting of callousness towards you and total disregard for your honour or worth. You couldn’t prevent it because you do not have control of no ones actions but your self.
This is what makes your needs your true needs that weren’t met. Very RAW and vulnerable to accept. Your needs are all that is linked to what you hoped would have happened. Imagine giving shelter to those needs in your heart, during or after the fact of an emotionally traumatic event. It’s extremely vulnerable, because one’s internal narrative isn’t compassionate it’s critical and shaming. This is why unconditionally accepting your needs and feelings isn’t an easy feat for most.
To accept them UNCONDITIONALLY is to for example be honest that you desired love when you were being shown disdain. You desired value when violated and honour when humiliated by people who had a duty of care towards you. To accept your desire for safety, when harmed, is purity of heart.
Its purity of heart because it stems from unconditional self love. Accepting your needs that weren’t met, to the ego is death because it was never rooted in self love to begin with. It’s root is in survival. The ego sees the antagonist as the enemy. It’s too soon or too raw to associate your true vulnerable needs to the antagonist. Fk the antagonist. When the ego doubles down on the story it takes you further away from self love. You swim in the illusion of protection the illusion of guarding yourself.
Why do we care to desire what we do from them? Is how the ego presents its case. But the question is warped in falsehood it doesn’t require an answer it requires a challenge with the truth.
I do not care to desire what I do from them, I CARE to desire it for myself. It’s what I deserve. It’s representative of my inherent worth.
This antagonist could have been your friend, your partner, a relative or your child. Before the traumatic event you were cool and then things went left. Just because the reality changed because of the choices made, doesn’t mean the heart did too.
So grieve for what you hoped that didn’t happen. Grieve the love, haq/truth, justice, and integrity you didn’t receive.
Grieve it’s absence just grieve.
It isn’t the same as grieving loss of a relationship with the antagonist. It’s simply grieving all that the betrayal replaced.
This is unconditionally accepting your needs. This is unconditional self love.
In grieving the above you acknowledge your worth & you stand in your power. The ego tells you in resistance you are strong. In rejection you have strategy. In judgement you understand. In shaming you are above and in blame you are establishing boundaries
Healing starts the moment you accept what happened. There is no healing without unconditional self love & acceptance.
Grieve in the space grudge wishes to grow. You will find relief that replenishes you not resentment that keeps you locked in.
“You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” -Brené Brown
Worthiness is hustled because you become disconnected from your worth when your story isn’t owned by you. The hustle happens within even though our worth neither increases nor decreases because it’s fixed in state since we are born with it. When our story isn’t owned our worthiness isn’t felt hence the internal hustle for it and it isn’t felt because it’s blocked by shame. What does not owning your story mean? I am not referring to denial or delusion which is some of the ways people refuse to own their story. I am referring to not going within enough and thus missing the root of a matter that has hurt you.
What he/she they or society did is 10% of the story the other 90% is how it made you truly feel. That raw feeling inside that wants to address the kind of untruths about your self that you may even intellectually recognise for what it is, but for the life in you can’t fathom why its poison effects you still. Your story is your vulnerability. Owning that is how breakthroughs happen.
A breakthrough I believe is something that creeps up on you. It isn’t like a shift, a shift is part of a process, where in order for you to proceed on your journey its needed as fuel. I feel a shift can be sensed and felt as it happens but a breakthrough you can’t. A shift is like a green light telling you to cross over to another side where the grass is green and the sky is bright. It’s a change in perception and a new found perspective about yourself and about life.
A breakthrough is a culimination of a matter that yesterday was hurting you and today you’ve realised you’ve gone passed its pain and entered a state of true inner peace. A breakthrough is the realisation that the hook that aligned you with the negative emotions of grief, sorrow, anger, shame and resentment that you felt has been removed, has been healed. Most mistake a shift for a breakthrough.
Breakthroughs are the true blessings in healing, it’s the ease after the hardship. It isn’t indifference to what happened it’s transcendence over it. For example you have alchemised the energy of pain into direction, grief into gaining your self, sorrow into self compassion. Anger into values that gave birth to solid boundaries. Shame into self empathy that made you switch lanes from that hazardous route shame set you upon most of your life. As for resentment? I believe it’s transmuted into wisdom the kind that ensures you do not end up making a u-turn back there, back where? To the places and things and people that didn’t honour your soul. To the energetic fields you entered unconsciously because you were separated and therefore neglectful of your own soul.
When you are in a healthy state of being i.e connected to yourself with no unconcious programmings sabotaging your flow. The past serves to reasonably inform the present. When you are not in such a state the past serves to hijack the present.
Why is the past informing the present so beneficial? Because life is continuous, it goes on and so situations that mirror or reflect matters, pertaining to what led to your spiritual growth in the first place do rear its head again in subtle ways. These matters are opportunities to practice what you’ve learnt. To make your new substance part of your subconscious flow. The past can help with this as it contains intimate details of all the lessons you learnt, all the discoveries you made. The growths that occurred through the pain you chose to feel, heal and release.
As you go forward in life be grateful for the hooks Allah removed and continues to. Be grateful for his infinite wisdom and his grace that guided you to see, understand and recieve clarity about the things, that had he not guided you about, would have left you lost and stuck on a hamsters wheel.
You can only connect the dots when you look back and that is because the past is informing your present, your intuition is confirming and you are listening. As new doors open, you find new truths that are gifts meant to carry you through to the next phase of your journey to self actualise. A phase of maturity, empowerment, deeper self love and acceptance.
Healing is a process that is deeply intimate and important. It can not occur with out self honesty, resilience and patience. As you venture out you will feel lighter because the old baggage is gone. When you feel heavy because of a new load (because life is continuous and there is so much more to learn) then it can be appreciated and understood that the past informing the present is actually a present from Allah. It’s a reminder of the things you found on the paths you took that facilitated your growth, your healing. Reminders benefit the faithful.
I’ve learnt that there is no wrong path, for all paths traversed happened in order to teach something, reveal something. To add a layer of something needed, to you. Or to peel back a layer of something no longer required from you.
When the process of healing is bypassed in any way, the past pops up through memories that cause suffering through shame. That is how it hijacks the present.
“When we own our own stories, we avoid being trapped as characters in the stories someone else is telling.” -Brené Brown, Rising Strong
We also avoid being trapped in the stories we tell ourselves. The kind of stories that block you from receiving your own love and the love of those who love you. Because that’s how shame operates, like shaytan eating your food because you didn’t say bismillah and then wondering why you don’t feel that full. You are robbed and unaware of how because you can’t see it externally nor can you compute it mentally as it happens.
When you own your story your character in that shame inducing story dies in your mind because it is in your mind that it is kept alive in the first place. When you own it, it becomes like that character in a tv series who exited in season 4.
Where did they end up? In the absence of shame they ended up with self empathy. They stopped defacing their soul. They own their intentions and their actions that they felt ashamed of because of how it was received or treated. Self empathy reminds them the shame narrative they attributed to their story is an illusion. Self empathy reminds them what was true from them, and how that is the only thing that matters. Only when you own your story do you get to transmute shame into empathy and compassion that leads to clarity and understanding. The soul structure intends to be built upon iron not straws.
The hooks fall off with the shame lensed glasses you took off. The past informs the present so they do not come back on.
When something disturbs you, you can either tense up against it or you can soften towards it.
To soften is to flow with, to tense up is to resist. I find when I soften I feel a warm wave descend over me, it feels like being carried by a warm sea. It feels like hunger met with a home cooked meal. It takes me to a shore of self compassion that leads to inner peace.
When ever I tensed up it felt like I was squeezing through a narrow lane. That suddenly got narrower the further I walked in. It was crushing and felt like oxygen was slipping away. It left me feeling abandoned and in a state of dejection not sometimes but always. I felt shame instead of compassion for myself. I found myself lost and a long way away from home.
Two ways, two different outcomes. I choose to soften now because I’ve experimented enough to know the results. Choose to soften towards emotions that sting, you will find love in the feelings that come after it not suffering. You will find Divine love that heals and restores. You will find divine love that teleports you home.
To your soul…
Get out of your own way every day, bathe in your own love in every way. Use your hope in the big things to nourish & maintain your hope in the little things. Seek not to fix yourself but to get to know yourself. All that you will ever need is already inside of yourself. So let go and let live as you dance to the rhythm of your own heart. It’s path is tailor made for all that you are. It’s will is your northern star.
There is a thin line between reassurance and validation. Between co operation and compromise. Between firmness and harshness, between tolerance and cowardice. Between authenticity and being an asshole.
To be aware that you’re treading on the thin line, when you are, is knowledge. To choose to lean towards the former in all of the above is wisdom.
Wisdom can not be cultivated with out consciousness. Nor go full circle without a platform of love for it to spring from.
Love for what’s good. Love for what’s just. Love in spite of, love just because, it’s your essence, make space for it.
The thin line teaches us a lot, it teaches us how we can easily cross between alignment and misalignment. How the choices we make every day support our highest good and how it can sabotage too.
Its not the choices we make that matter, but how we can ignore our conscious that calls for reflection about them.