Centered & Tempered

I don’t want to fight anymore not because I feel worn out and weak, but because deep in my heart I feel the process of it is a distraction that doesn’t serve me.  The stability I crave is in my heart already and through Allah alone I feel and experience it. I only want to ‘do’ from a grounded place of necessity not a scattered place of urge and restlessness.

I want to walk into my destiny not arrive in it with battle wounds. Looking into my heart ive found what truly bothered it, was me being in a position to fight for me. I had to pause and reflect on what that meant to me, it meant everything.

There is no feeling greater than being healed and washed by your own heart. There is no awe greater than what I felt through that feeling, other than the awe I feel for Allah

I don’t view ‘doing’ the way I use to, I can’t after all that I’ve been through. I rather retire to divine will and love. Where I receive divine wisdom that teaches me the true meaning of trust in him and all its related branches that teach trust in myself. What’s more all the fruits its tree drops, sprouting from seeds of hope, faith, reliance and love.   

What can they do to me when my stability is grounded in my heart? What power does my associative fears wish for me to lack standing in; when the decree is already written and what’s certain is I will meet it.

My ego is wounded and I see it’s need for me to tend to it like a nurse; but it’s best it dies in this tunnel too, because wanting to thrive and not survive is what I choose.

I felt afraid to be ok in the space, my heart said ‘don’t do’ just ‘be’

Ive learnt the whys about that in many ways but most trying was to embody it in the face of pressing hardship. In the turmoil is where we find and shine light, on all the blocks that stand in the way of true reliance upon the divine.

I’ve fought all my life because I couldn’t see and now that I do, I can’t believe how I fought through the mind and never my heart.

That realisation is healing for me as it presents an alternative to finessing my rights. An alternative I’ve never thought to seek. 

When you are facing hardship waiting for the ease to come from Allah, is the best worship.

In waiting you get to tend to the parts of yourself you’re accustomed to abandon. In waiting you heal and bring into balance both your feminine and masculine energy. In waiting you align with divine will & timing with pure understanding of reliance and freedom from all attachments.

The ease then creeps up on you as a breakthrough from another soul draining labyrinth. As the heart centers you, the soul tempers you. Allah is the connect that guides to make that possible. To have him is to have everything

Sacred Convergence

I did what I did because I love me. In following my heart for eternity I’ll honour love…I’ll honour it enough for us both.

Self love is my compass & self doubt is misguidance. The only proof I have that what I did was the right thing to do, is in the inner peace I felt after I did it.

I don’t know where this path leads but in hope I have created a home. My soul occupies it with contentment, gratitude and love.

I-do-not- wish-to-leave 

 

 

 

Surrender

The hardest thing I’ve ever had to surrender to was the unconditional flow of my feelings. Going past the initial sting of an emotion to feel and accept whats beneath it.

The heart travels through valleys of pain and lands in the present moment vibrant with hope & faith. When a heart breaks, it’s flow is being  tampered with. For it to remain intact you’ve got to feel and let it flow, that is how healing happens.

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness”
Eckhart Tolle

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Allah steps in where you Lag behind

When someone is tested with dealing with doubts, they are inclined to believe or take on board what you present depending on where they’ve placed you. They may do that because they aren’t threatened by your heart. They park what’s said instead of throwing it away  as their journey was about self trust in themselves not trust about you.

They aren’t inclined to reject or resist without understanding.  Which is what gets things complicated when the person is being taught how to spot the difference between the soul of a person, that their heart trusts and their human self that is imperfect in what it sometimes does.

This is an important distinction to make and when you can’t due to doubts, you conflate matters and end up holding space for shit that don’t serve you. Anger is a feeling pointing out to you a boundary is violated or about to be. Shame is another feeling pointing out, how you are veering of course and where you should pause to realign yourself with your souls truth.

When you struggle to make the distinction above. You are at risk of failing to make or enforce boundaries you need. This is why Allah intervenes and removes people from ones life. He is doing what they couldn’t so that they may hop off the hamster wheel through divine mercy. They can connect the dots when they look back,  after taking the lessons required from situations..

My doubt blocked me from doing what I needed at times because of how I compartmentalised my needs with that of others. (You  make sacrifical your own, when a need for sacrifice comes up) I don’t resent those that I did that for anymore. At the time I thought they deserved it through how I read my compassion or care. I was wrong and that’s ok.