The Void & Value

When you remember and put value on your heart, your needs, feelings, dreams and contentment. You become clear on what you need to do in every thing that concernsyou. By value I mean real potent importance. Our Free will chooses the paths we walk on in life and that is all it is there for and meant to do.

How those paths unfold, whether good for you or not, depends on whether or not the path you chose was a path that presented most or least resistance for you and that can only be determined by how the path feels. In the end all that is in ones control is the opportunity (if they take it) to ascertain one simple truth. Is the path im choosing a path chosen out of self love or is it chosen through some subconscious conditioning that aligns me with sacrifice of my wellbeing that I’m not aware of yet under the effect of.  This matters because it can indicate the reality that may await us on those paths. Realities that are either conducive to what’s in our highest good or not.

With this perspective comes the understanding that we are co creators of our reality. I feel grateful to know that in my own volition, lies a power that can govern me with contentment. I don’t feel afraid to choose my paths out of fear of what I may meet along the way anymore. I dont feel afraid because in its stead, I feel safeguarded knowing I chose out of self love. 

We fear the void more often than not because we stumble across it unprepared and without direction. How did we get here, what shall I do here, are the kind of thoughts that can consume our mind and affect our energy (how we show up)

We find anxiety and hyper vigilance as companions instead of self trust and patience. Self trust that grants us the clarity that this too shall pass inshallah, so don’t lose hope in the path you’ve taken because suddenly (and who knows perhaps even momentarily) you saw nothing in the void, that reassures you that you’re ok that you’re safe. With out the reassurance we become afraid and expect or think the worst in the void. We don’t think to neutralise our scattered energy with unconditional self love that recognises the part of us in the moment that is in need of reassurance, doesn’t require it from external factors, but rather from deep within our own selves.

It needs to be fed the hope, it’s trying to outsource from the external by you yourself. It needs you to give it a compassionate narrative that stems from self love, like ‘we used our free will through self love and the void is a place where we can find Allahs company….Allah who is always there for the vulnerable, like a host ready to feed its guest all that will increase them with more hope and faith. With the remembrance of Allah hearts do find rest because through his remembrance we are nourished and replenished. The void is an abundant space only when Allah is remembered in it.

This verse from the Quran 2:30 just came to mind as I was contemplating what I said above…

”Remember (when) your Lord said to the angels: “I am setting on the earth a vicegerent. ” The angels asked: “Will you set therein one who will cause mischief in the land and shed blood? while we glorify you with your praise and sanctify your holy name?  He said: “Surely I know that which you do not know.”

What he “knows” instils confidence & faith in the heart because it stirs it to look beyond the circumstances that hinder it from the above and into the way of goodness inherent in the heart of man. Goodness that can be accessed through transcendence of one’s limitations, goodness that  is representative of the potential and value of man.  What Allah knows instils confidence because it aligns those who understand, with the divine value bestowed upon them.  The status of vicegerent in essence is symbolic of mankinds value. It’s a lofty position where one is only second to Allah the most loving, the all mighty the one true sovereign.  So when ever we find ourselves to have shifted from it (our value) in our own personal lives, in ways where we’ve settled for positions and circumstances not reflective of our value and for what ever reason. It is simply because we are not in conscious awareness of what Allah confidently knows I.e our value that he himself bestowed. I find it amazing that this verse was inspired for me to remember along with this understanding in one flow. So I write as I process…the connection between our free will, the space of the void and our inherent value as human beings, because I do believe there is.

I feel Allah measures us and sees us not through a black and white lens, but rather through the grey areas where he holds space for us because he deems us through his love as worthy of it. I feel he does this so those of us who reflect (and in doing so receive his grace) can learn to do that and believe that ourselves too. Seeing us in the grey is to see us in our holistic form which is what unconditional self love calls us to do also. 

When we learn to hold space for ourselves in the most challenging of life’s stations like in the abyss of the void. We find that once feared ominous space, transmuted into a guest room in the palace of the most merciful. 

Our free will and how we choose to use it determines how we journey through the paths that unfold in our lives. Either hitting the ground running when we face obstacles or hitting it and walking with the flow. We are either anxious or steady, and operating through fear or love. We are either cut off from our value or cognisant of it. 

Checkmate

I couldn’t truly love myself not until I realised & accepted the true reason behind why I was afraid to.

I find serenity in the type of melancholy that accompanies this realisation and around this sudden charge of courage I feel, that wants to go ahead….

Go ahead and love myself in spite of the subconscious fears that have sabotaged and unconsciously shut me off. Go ahead and love myself inspite and in awareness of those fears that promise me loss.

To Switch up on all that switched you off, trust the process of what divine love turns a light towardstrust the wisdom behind divine will that intends that light to become yours

 

Treasure Hunt & Soul Liberation

You don’t find your worth you find your knowing of it and nothing is the same after that moment.
Life does provide and pinpoint some knowledge regarding your worth, like all that is within your divine birth right and/or perhaps all that is reflected back to you by your loved ones.

With that said there is an ocean of difference between knowing your rights and coming into knowledge of your worth. That difference is highlighted in the magical feeling that accompanies the latter. It’s as though in that moment you realise yourself.
Something as simple as understanding you have a right to matter, is not the same as coming to know that you actually do

Finding your knowing of your worth leads to actual solid embodiment. You go beyond intellectually understanding and knowing about it.

You  find your knowing OF IT,  when this happens you MEET your true self. It’s the moment your physical temporal self merges with your soul self. Emotional stability is provision carried only by your soul it’s what you feel when you step into it, it’s the jacket you wear when you come to know OF your worth.  To find the knowing of your worth is akin to saying hello to your soul.

 It is Liberation

Tight Rope

The end in sight is left open ended just like it was in the beginning.  The road ahead that felt so bumpy feels uneven as if it’s telling me to mind my step.  The sensations in my body point to feelings of wanting to vomit. I hardly ate, reason reminds, there is nothing to vomit out chill inside…

My soul is lost in imagination with what it has collected and contained of new values and truths. It’s itching to go..im becoming aware that it can see something clearly…. as If  it’s already energetically there…

The present moment feels powerful because of the substance my soul is there fiddling with. Ego noise is in the distant background concerned about an outcome and its current discomforts. It isn’t loud enough to distract, hijack, or even contaminate what’s going on.

I feel stuck in a 3D circumstance, but yet I’m free somewhere else I’ve never truly been in before? What’s going on with my soul. Why is it rearing and so itchy to go. like an Olympic racer about to sprint somewhere. Positioned past ready, frozen in set…and waiting for go. I’m marvelled by it all…when the rope tightens its about to snap. The opposite of faith isn’t doubt it’s certainty. The opposite of hope isn’t fear it’s security.

Oh Allah I surrender the outcome of my circumstance to you. I surrender the desire of my state in it too.

When the soul is the only expert on the ship, and its positioned itself for something that feels so so real…. summon courage to hold space for what inspired it. Even if you don’t fully understand it yet. There is nothing and then there is something, but above all there is the divine and his connect to your soul.

 

The Past & Owning your Story.

“You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” -Brené Brown

Worthiness is hustled because you become disconnected from your worth when your story isn’t owned by you. The hustle happens within even though our worth neither increases nor decreases because it’s fixed in state since we are born with it. When our story isn’t owned our worthiness isn’t felt hence the internal  hustle for it and it isn’t felt because it’s blocked by shame. What does not owning your story mean? I am not referring to denial or delusion which is some of the ways people refuse to own their story. I am referring to not going within enough and thus missing the root of a matter that has hurt you.

What he/she they or society did is 10% of the story the other 90% is how it made you truly feel. That raw feeling inside that wants to address the kind of untruths about your self that you may even intellectually recognise for what it is, but for the life in you can’t fathom why its poison effects you still. Your story is your vulnerability. Owning that is how breakthroughs happen.

A breakthrough I believe is something that creeps up on you. It isn’t like a shift, a shift is part of a process, where in order for you to proceed on your journey its needed as fuel.  I feel a shift can be sensed and felt as it happens but a breakthrough you can’t. A shift is like a green light telling you to cross over to another side where the grass is green and the sky is bright. It’s a change in perception and a new found perspective about yourself and about life.

A breakthrough is a culimination of a matter that yesterday was hurting you and today you’ve realised you’ve gone passed its pain and entered a state of true inner peace. A breakthrough is the realisation that the hook that aligned you with the negative emotions of grief, sorrow, anger, shame and resentment that you felt has been removed, has been healed. Most mistake a shift for a breakthrough.

Breakthroughs are the true blessings in healing, it’s the ease after the hardship. It isn’t indifference to what happened it’s transcendence over it. For example you have alchemised the energy of pain into direction, grief into gaining your self, sorrow into self compassion. Anger into values that gave birth to solid boundaries. Shame into self empathy that made you switch lanes from that hazardous route shame set you upon most of your life. As for resentment? I believe it’s transmuted into wisdom the kind that ensures you do not end up making a u-turn back there, back where? To the places and things and people that didn’t honour your soul. To the energetic fields you entered unconsciously because you were separated and therefore neglectful of your own soul.

When you are in a healthy state of being i.e connected to yourself with no unconcious programmings sabotaging your flow. The past serves to reasonably inform the present. When you are not in such a state the past serves to hijack the present.

Why is the past informing the present so beneficial? Because life is continuous, it goes on and so situations that mirror or reflect matters, pertaining to what led to your spiritual growth in the first place do rear its head again in subtle ways.  These matters are opportunities to practice what you’ve learnt. To make your new substance part of your subconscious flow. The past can help with this as it contains intimate details of all the lessons you learnt, all the discoveries you made. The growths that occurred through the pain you chose to feel, heal and release.

As you go forward in life be grateful for the hooks Allah removed and continues to. Be grateful for his infinite wisdom and his grace that guided you to see, understand and recieve clarity about the things, that had he not guided you about, would have left you lost and stuck on a hamsters wheel.

You can only connect the dots when you look back and that is because the past is informing your present, your intuition is confirming and you are listening.  As new doors open, you find new truths that are gifts meant to carry you through to the next phase of your journey to self actualise. A phase of maturity, empowerment, deeper self love and acceptance.

Healing is a process that is deeply intimate and important. It can not occur with out self honesty, resilience and patience. As you venture out you will feel lighter because the old baggage is gone. When you feel heavy because of a new load (because life is continuous and there is so much more to learn) then it can be appreciated  and understood that the past informing the present is actually a present from Allah.  It’s a reminder of the things you found on the paths you took that facilitated your growth, your healing. Reminders benefit the faithful. 

I’ve learnt that there is no wrong path, for all paths traversed happened in order to teach something, reveal something. To add a layer of something needed, to you. Or to peel back a layer of something no longer required from you.

When the process of healing is bypassed in any way, the past pops up through memories that cause suffering through shame. That is how it hijacks the present.

“When we own our own stories, we avoid being trapped as characters in the stories someone else is telling.” -Brené Brown, Rising Strong

We also avoid being trapped in the stories we tell ourselves. The kind of stories that block you from receiving your own love and the love of those who love you. Because that’s how shame operates, like shaytan eating your food because you didn’t say bismillah and then wondering why you don’t feel that full. You are robbed and unaware of how  because you can’t see it externally nor can you compute it mentally as it happens.

When you own your story your character in that shame inducing story dies in your mind because it is in your mind that it is kept alive in the first place. When you own it, it becomes like that character in a tv series who exited in season 4.

Where did they end up? In the absence of shame they ended up with self empathy. They stopped defacing their soul. They own their intentions and their actions that they felt ashamed of because of how it was received or treated. Self empathy reminds them the shame narrative they attributed to their story is an illusion. Self empathy reminds them what was true from them, and how that is the only thing that matters. Only when you own your story do you get to transmute shame into empathy and compassion that leads to clarity and understanding. The soul structure intends to be built upon iron not straws.

The hooks fall off with the shame lensed glasses you took off. The past informs the present so they do not come back on. 

 

Inside Insight

Power fulfils strength provides, use your strength to step into your power. Through trials and hard times it’s your strength that Allah builds. Your power is something he has already created within you.

Strength expands in the heart, vulnerability gives it its wings. When a tear rests in your lower eyelid it’s glad tidings, you’ve stepped into the realm where your power is held. This realm feels dark like fatigue and heart ache all mixed in one. You find yourself in a state of sober thoughtfulness.

It is here your intuitive intelligence speaks and you are able to recieve its guidance. It wants you to stay in this realm so you can be replenished. Power fulfils because it intersperses your wholeness, in all that you do. For that to happen it must first rejuvenate you, envelope you become you. Let it.

 

 

 

Tough love

The journey back to your natural disposition is tough love from Allah. This realisation transmutes so much in regards to lessons that mirror back your own self neglect. Through his tough love you are planned for and cared for. You can surrender to that plan and be grateful for that care. It’s implementation of hope & faith.