Checkmate

I couldn’t truly love myself not until I realised & accepted the true reason behind why I was afraid to.

I find serenity in the type of melancholy that accompanies this realisation and around this sudden charge of courage I feel, that wants to go ahead….

Go ahead and love myself in spite of the subconscious fears that have sabotaged and unconsciously shut me off. Go ahead and love myself inspite and in awareness of those fears that promise me loss.

To Switch up on all that switched you off, trust the process of what divine love turns a light towardstrust the wisdom behind divine will that intends that light to become yours

 

It’s too late to apologise?

Actually not when you do it right for example…

“….I won’t ask for your forgiveness, my lack of you is my deepest illness…..” 

Jokes aside the above is an excerpt of the original poem written by the author Klaudio Marashi. I liked it not because I like to see someone suffer for a wrong they did but more so because of the remorse it shows.

It got me wondering about apologies and how what qualifies one as sincere varies from one person to another. 

I realised the apologies that most touch my soul are those that…

A) contain accountability~ so when receiving the apology I can feel the other person understands what they’ve done wrong.

B) Shows honour for me~ so when receiving I can feel my value as (insert what I am to you) reflected back to me.

c) Invokes & invites a renewal of trust through unspoken vulnerability.~ so when receiving I can see something valuable you’ve put forward.  This kind of unspoken vulnerability is felt energetically. One can simply stand there and apologise and I’ll know the above is there either in that moment or because of how things unfold. It’s vulnerable because the person has genuine intentions to do right & right their wrongs but their history taints. So though they wish they could earn your trust again, they entertain reason in any skepticism that exists as understandable.  

D) Change ~ So when receiving I can be happy knowing what happened wasn’t in vain. Perhaps the one who hurt me grew as a result. 

I have a gift in being able to grasp the essence in things and an apology where any of the above exist (the more the better) are the only apologies I feel worth allowing into my space. 

That is because such apologies take courage and character to deliver. It’s never too late to apologise because such apologies carry the gift of healing for the one you hurt and for yourself. 

I was able to discern this because I’ve accepted apologies in the past where those things that matter to me above weren’t felt or honoured by me, I wasn’t conscious of it not being. Sure things were said that can be put into categories A & B. But in essence I knew it didn’t satisfy me organically. It’s as though the person wasn’t ripe with it and in accepting the apology I kind of felt compelled to reward tangible effort. 

Which Inadvertently taught me one of the greatest lessons I’ve learnt to date and that is accepting an apology,  is a personal choice guilt or shame should have no say in. If it’s not in alignment don’t bulldoze your soul to conform.

Unconditional self love becomes fragmented when you step out side of your self to tend to presumed needs of another. That is because to embody unconditional self love you must acknowledge all of your needs.

Hence why holding space for yourself should take priority over you holding space for the one apologising. Their feelings are not your responsibility yours are, because their feelings are meant to  guide them and yours are meant to guide you. 

True Apologies are more than just sorry, they are a mark of a paradigm shift, an energetic re set, a change in vibration. It’s a mark of courage in the one giving it and also a mark of nobility for the one who accepts it

I respect this space that cultivates courage and summons nobility in people. Deal with apologies according to your values.

 

Let it be

Truth doesn’t require defence in the face of others. Just in your presence when doubts fuelled by mental limitations and conceptions tarnish it. Your soul defends it with ‘let it be’ Listen and muster up the courage to face your fears….so that you can let it be.

 

Fumbling in the Dark

If fumbling feels like inefficiency, it’s ok because you can’t walk adequately in the dark anyway. If walking straight is what you associate strength and competency with, then through reason only hold yourself to that expectation when you’ve stepped into your light. To do it you need it.

To fumble in the dark is to know you are not home but have a desire to get there. When you can’t see, you are likely to fumble as you walk. If you’re walking because you know in your heart, Allah put you on that path because it leads home. Then Fumbling about isnt in vain it throws off what’s not from you. The fumble in the dark is what leads to connection with your soul. Its how you pass through the dark into your light. Feel the clumsiness in not knowing where you are or what you are doing.  Feel the doubts that say you are on the wrong path. Feel the fear of ending up somewhere that may break your heart.

Feel and don’t abandon any part of you in the dark. When you fumble you are likely to make discoveries. Likely to fall upon things you didn’t reach aim for but are grateful for.

Feeling in the dark is experiencing the  vulnerability that connects you with Allah. You fumble but find you are touched by the things you need. The things he knows you need.

Fumbling in the dark is Allah polishing you. Its letting that help reach you because you aren’t resisting pain.

Allah doesn’t abandon us he merely asks we don’t abandon ourselves in the dark.

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