Love & the Drowing

The Drowning can’t ‘save’ the Drowning
Without mutual acknowledgment and empathy of struggles in a given matter. Otherwise one unconsciously expects things exclusively that another requires themselves. This expectation puts the onus of lack on the other and alludes one to the unfairness in the imbalances that birth it. The same nurturing of vulnerability, the same quality in understanding, patience, trust and love one seeks and needs, to not see how another does to, isn’t something I can work with and I embrace that with unconditional love and understanding for myself and all that I feel. Not doubt about and identification with what is.

To not acknowledge how nurture is required equally is the root of disconnection. It paves way for the one onus is indirectly put on, to do to themselves what the other avoids doing to their own soul so as to self actualise in peace.

So people are lovable if they bow down to serve others and put on hold what their own growth requires. Because If they ain’t serving in ways pleasing or safe to another than there is a flaw in them that must one get away from.

Love can become service to ego, when you can’t see the imbalances above. Imbalances in how one measures or judges it.

Love for me isn’t a choice it’s a matter of the heart with its own will as directed by Allah. It isn’t something you can deny.
To assume one to be cut off from love for you  or lacking in being present with it. Is to conflate ones present focus during trying times, as they swim and prioritise themselves, with your own fears.

The true test for holding space for peoples feelings and having loving trust of and for them is in how you maneuver with your own when theirs confront it because of something you did because of your perception of what they did.

I don’t understand much, what I do understand is what makes someone not see all of what’s said above. That’s my love.




Trust & Fitra

“To the righteous it will be said, “O reassured soul, return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing [onto Him]…enter among my [righteous] servants..enter you, My Paradise”

(Quran 89:27-30)

I think if our children are an amana/trust, so is our own fitra. It’s justice for your soul to experience alignment with it to the best of your ability. Ultimately that is what this world is about. Our purpose of life connects to Allah in achievement of that. How you with stand the toil & trouble that involves that. Our purpose of life is to worship him, so we are not cut off from what helps us on this journey back to our natural disposition. He is not in need of us or our worship. We are in need of him and it,  to do that, and return home having benefited from that. 

Divine Interruption

When you are distracted from preserving your own heart. Allah does it for you. This is why doors you insist on walking through close on you. What you feel, all of it, are guiding you to what you weren’t doing that Allah does for you.

To sit through such feelings is difficult because you are walking through the effects of  the wounds, that hold up the very veils preventing you from seeing the distractions  for what they are.

Allah wills to give you sight where you are blind.

Dua and Dreams

Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

To be led by the dreams of your heart, don’t be pushed around by the fears of your mind.  Treat your dreams like the food you need to eat. Acknowledged and reached for every day and preserved with purity.


The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. If you would take a man’s life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die.” George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, #1)

Hearts & Collateral Damage

There is a way to protect ones heart, without inflicting blame on it for what it was subjected to of harms. That way, first requires awareness of the blame you inflicted on your heart. .

Our hearts are a special part of us that exist within. A loving organ that needs to be preserved as it is, for what it is. Perhaps my blame wound in life was rooted in my blaming  my heart.  Blame that made me feel I needed to protect it. Sometimes through protection we do harm. Through preservation we can serve & save.

I’ve never been someone who asked Allah ‘why’ things happened or were the way they were, as I went through it. I resonated more with understanding that some day it would make sense. Life for me has mostly been complex. Example,  through the understanding I hated having (as it connected to the things I blamed my heart for)  I’ve also benefited from knowing who Allah is.

If the heart is an organ of love then the spirit is a vessel that receives. Through the shrapnels of my blame bomb my heart was subjected to by me, It was able to love Allah freely without shame. My soul received him (no blame was ushered out). I understood him even in the things I didn’t understand that happened because I have unwavering trust in his mercy and justice, he is infallible. So understanding  all that relates to why someday I might understand, what I didn’t in a moment was understanding in and of itself. As the heart loves Allah the soul receives him.

If you have a soul that receives you have a heart that loves. I blamed mine nonsensically, yet he kept it alive through his love & mercy. My vulnerability wasn’t blocked from him because my soul received him unconditionally.

The soul receives what’s true and whatever of good we do is from him. I’ve struggled the most in accepting the things my soul recieved that I couldn’t understand in a moment for why it did or would in consideration of many things. A struggle that makes sense if you had lessons surrounding trust & self trust. A battle within I don’t expect others to understand.

In a world where peoples hearts are accepted as collateral damage for myriad of reasons. One can turn on their own albeit unconsciously, because it doesn’t allow them to do the same. It’s ironic, because you’ve effectively made your own heart collateral damage through shame & blame.

La Ilaha Illa Anta Subhanaka Inni Kuntu Minazzalimeen (“…There is none worthy of worship besides You. Glorified are You. Surely I am from the wrongdoers.” (21:87)

I’ve always connected deeply to this dua of Nabi yunis (a/s) from how he left his people due to no hope in them, from what they displayed and how he ended up in the belly of the whale and what he said in his prayer whilst in there.

This is a dua that when I say, I can feel my heart expand and as it expands I choke up and cry, due to the gush of healing like feelings I would be made to feel inside.

You can only connect the dots when you look back and I feel the reason behind my attachment to that dua, was because of the wrongs I’ve perpetrated against my own heart. (The blame)

May Allah forgive us for the things we subject our own souls to. You will always attract into your life all the events and matters required for you to awaken.  Awaken to all that you need to, that serves your highest good.

A loving heart is the truest wisdom and wisdom will come across ignorance. In order to confront it, stand as a contrast to it and help heal it. Don’t turn on your loving heart and blame it for any ignorance or lack it encounters or that you’ve experienced. It needs you to preserve it not attack through blame, as doing that is a form of rejection. Rejection for being exactly how Allah created it to be.  Through self compassion you discern not just the true nature of your loving heart, but also those that exist in others.





When the Scales ⚖️ Don’t Match.

Im discovering why things like Justice, mercy and balance are measured and viewed and acted on differently from one person to another. In this day & age of “my truth” you see the limits of people’s views and measure on these things, so don’t colour it different accept it.  “My truth” is a summary of statements that  indicate ones limits.

A person is showing you where they stand through what they currently feel & know on the back drop of their own life experiences. Every truth has a cord that connects back to the Truth as laid down by Allah. That cord is what leads to expansion,  to reach for it is why he changes ones condition for the better, he increases the bandwidth of their limit and guides them to what assists their journey.  One then proceeds until met with the next one and so on & so forth. Reaching for his cord is therefore the pinnacle of matter. It’s why we have feet to move.

When you see your measure not matched by others in subtle ways and then you micromanage your feelings about it, because you understood why it didn’t match but didn’t know how to accept it. Suffering later engulfs you because their limit manifested towards you. You feel like a pariah because of this. A pariah due to low-key shame as your ego lays causation at your feet, it tells you, you put yourself there. You aided  them against you. You then feel shame for not having a limit with them before they did with you.  Forgetting in that moment that you are you, not anyone else..your measure is yours theirs is theirs.

This is why people unconsciously relegate their souls to a back seat. The ego uses their good and shames it mercilessly. It wants to activate appreciation for its survival strategy. But through remembrance of Allah you transcend. You don’t meet people where they are, you meet them where YOU are.

Why is that important? Because one shouldn’t support the tipping of the scales of justice mercy and balance against themselves. Where is the mercy for yourself? The balance and therefore justice?

These are not things you exempt yourself from. Doing so only pleases shaytan and aids his plot to make you lose yourself.

Learn to accept what is through your own soul blueprint. It accepts without shame or guilt or presumption of lack on your part. It leaves people to their narratives.

Opening you up to value your own opinion and non ego based thoughts. Doing so preserves you from being disturbed by others justifications for what they do.

Remaining centred and balanced within protects you from injury. We differ in limits and measure because we have different provisions, intentions and different ways of externalising them.

Learn the lessons behind  the feelings you by passed as it showed you in subtle ways where you differed from others on limits.  It’s not invalidating their limits to acknowledge yours don’t meet at the stops you witnessed theirs in.

I think the biggest injustice we do to ourselves is to conflate what we understand with what we should be ok with. Tolerance doesn’t mean acceptance. If you are not ok you are not ok, even if you understand the bigger picture. The one you’re in also matters.

When conflations of the above don’t exist, you not only unconditionally accept yourself but you can help others with the limits you see, if that is what resonates with you to do. Allah expands and knows the hearts that will to grow.

You are your priority. Don’t stunt your own growth because you refuse to unconditionally accept how you feel. About what you see and what it means to you. Not doing that creates an internal dysfunction and disconnect because you are judging yourself for what you felt.

This is also why  people park their intuition, they park it because they dont know what to do with it in a moment. Start with accepting the feelings you have about what it came to point out. Your intuition requires the same maintenance your general feelings do. Acceptance and patience.

Unconditional self acceptance = protection for your self esteem. You suffer when people show you their limits because through ego you connect their limits to a declaration about your worth or an attack on it.  Truth is you got it twisted, firstly even your own limit isn’t a declaration of your worth. Limits can expand, your worth cannot increase or decrease. It’s fixed not malleable because your fitra is your potential, your worth, your soul.

If your own limits aren’t  declarations about your worth how can the limits of others be?

Other people’s limits say nothing about you if you unconditionally accept your feelings upon seeing it or experiencing it. You find their limits says something to you, but never about you. What it says to you in relation to topic in hand, is that your own limit in a matter hasn’t been reached and thats it. Don’t shame yourself for that just see and accept it. The mantra of observation is “it is what it is”

Recognition and acceptance of  that protects your self esteem, that ego tries to drill holes through in order to show up & assert control. Acceptance, that your limit has space left helps you continue on your own path from a soul space.  Integrate your light don’t unintentionally dim it by abandoning yourself. Closing your heart is a form of self abandonment and hearts close because of the stories you hold about yourself in connection to your life experiences.

I think if our children are an amana/trust, so is our own fitra. It’s justice for your soul to experience alignment with it to the best of your ability. That is what this world is about. Our purpose of life connects to Allah in achievement of that. He is not in need of us we are in need of him to do that, and return home with that.