Fulfilment & Wholeness

Forgiveness soothes the heart and acts as a barrier that keeps out the fire of resentment. It aligns one to stand with their authentic power, instead of comfort that deceives them from the realisation that they aren’t standing in it or worse have given it away.

Forgiveness is to give up the hope that the past could be any different and in managing that, we come to understand the present is all that we have and all that we need to ensure a future, that encompasses the difference that was hoped for.

They say Forgiveness is to set free a prisoner only to find out that the prisoner was yourself. A prisoner, imprisoned from aligning with their truth. The kind of truth that swooshes past like a warm summer breeze. That whispers in spite of all that hurt you….. there is a part of your heart that remains pure (unblocked), that it is guarded by a part of you that wants to be acknowledged without shame or resistance. 

Only when we do acknowledge it, can we begin to finally heal and be free. Free from our own self judgment that has kept out the loving presence & truth of our soul. 

     ~~~~~~Reflection~~~~~~

After forgiveness, I found disappointment that left me sometimes feeling dejected & sometimes displaced. Some days ok…some days not so.

And so I prayed, asking Allah to reveal whats of benefit to me. To guide me to the root of what causes me re occurring imbalances. 

I realised the feeling of disappointment that plagues my heart, carries a message asking me to acknowledge my truth unconditionally. 

And my authentic truth is that I don’t feel fulfilled. It’s like with this realisation came the death of what was and the birth of a new adventure I’m not afraid of embarking.

Fulfilment is a gift no one can give you but yourself.  It requires the courage to not settle for anything less than what you know in your heart you deserve. The gps towards your fulfilment is planted in the heart. The directions towards it are heard as intuition. 

Disappointment hurts because it is easy for the ego to infiltrate the space it squats in and take us down valleys of blame and judgment. Such valleys aren’t fulfilling when at times the ones we  judge and blame, we also love. (I.e Ourselves  or others) our emotional body will always reject falsehood with more feelings of discomfort. Truth settles in the heart, like a gentle swaying leaf lands where Allah willed for it to land. It doesn’t disturb, it just makes itself known.

We always have a choice to choose our stories, one of my biggest mistakes was to hope for those who I believe cared for me, write one worthy of me. In the parts where they were concerned or involved .

Until one day I realised not everyone who knows your worth also values it and quite often than not, it’s not even intentional not to. Their could be distractions that ultimately have nothing to do with you. 

And perhaps that is one of life’s most difficult lessons, that the divine wishes to teach us. I.e  Even though our expectations carry some proof of knowledge of our own self worth (as seen through what we expect that’s good for us). It also carries proof that we don’t value that good enough. Enough to give it to our selves instead of waiting from it from others who either don’t care, or do but are distracted in myriad of ways.

Seeking what fulfils you reminds you to not settle. It is the bedrock of self love because it doesn’t allow you to unconsciously hand over your power by operating from a lack based mentality. A mentality that entraps you in a story where your fulfilment is absent and waited  for it to be written/opted in, by others.  

I was guided to transmute the feeling of disappointment, into the authentic truth that I was witnessing unfulfilment. This simple mind shift empowers because it lys the onus of responsibility at your feet. 

Through it we can seek what fulfils us by moving away from what doesn’t first and foremost. The reoccurring imbalances end by one’s moving away from what doesn’t serve them because what plagues the heart in grief, is given ample room to be heal and what doesn’t serve is always a clue to what doesn’t fulfil.  

Staying in a vibration of disappointment leads to low vibrational feelings of sadness that the ego could co opt as blame and judgment even towards your own self. 

When we acknowledge the deeper truth that a matter isn’t fulfilling. We land in our soul space thats been ready to take responsibility, for our lack of feeling un fulfilled. We align with our soul truth that wants to take us towards the paths that align with our fulfilment.

If seeking fulfilment empowers, then it is because we are on the right track. It is because we aren’t giving away our power on the journey. It is because we aren’t choosing to let disappointment become our tent or our story.

It is because we are acknowledging our authentic reality, that this matter, this thing, this treatment, this place, this relationship, this job, this thought, this person or this plan, the way all this, currently is…Isn’t fulfilling me, something is missing and that matters. 

Deciding it matters is the essence of stamping value on your hearts resonance, on your needs which ultimately are you. When what matters is realised, so is it’s value. When value is truly acknowledged, it is sought after.

This spiral of clarity upwards leads to wholeness. If  the destination is wholeness, aligning with what fulfils you is the only way to get there. All other roads are mirages, illusions and ultimately dead ends.

Only you know what fulfils you, don’t deceive yourself. In life if we aren’t shifting due to the truth, we are looping due to unintentional self deception. 

The Void & Value

When you remember and put value on your heart, your needs, feelings, dreams and contentment. You become clear on what you need to do in every thing that concernsyou. By value I mean real potent importance. Our Free will chooses the paths we walk on in life and that is all it is there for and meant to do.

How those paths unfold, whether good for you or not, depends on whether or not the path you chose was a path that presented most or least resistance for you and that can only be determined by how the path feels. In the end all that is in ones control is the opportunity (if they take it) to ascertain one simple truth. Is the path im choosing a path chosen out of self love or is it chosen through some subconscious conditioning that aligns me with sacrifice of my wellbeing that I’m not aware of yet under the effect of.  This matters because it can indicate the reality that may await us on those paths. Realities that are either conducive to what’s in our highest good or not.

With this perspective comes the understanding that we are co creators of our reality. I feel grateful to know that in my own volition, lies a power that can govern me with contentment. I don’t feel afraid to choose my paths out of fear of what I may meet along the way anymore. I dont feel afraid because in its stead, I feel safeguarded knowing I chose out of self love. 

We fear the void more often than not because we stumble across it unprepared and without direction. How did we get here, what shall I do here, are the kind of thoughts that can consume our mind and affect our energy (how we show up)

We find anxiety and hyper vigilance as companions instead of self trust and patience. Self trust that grants us the clarity that this too shall pass inshallah, so don’t lose hope in the path you’ve taken because suddenly (and who knows perhaps even momentarily) you saw nothing in the void, that reassures you that you’re ok that you’re safe. With out the reassurance we become afraid and expect or think the worst in the void. We don’t think to neutralise our scattered energy with unconditional self love that recognises the part of us in the moment that is in need of reassurance, doesn’t require it from external factors, but rather from deep within our own selves.

It needs to be fed the hope, it’s trying to outsource from the external by you yourself. It needs you to give it a compassionate narrative that stems from self love, like ‘we used our free will through self love and the void is a place where we can find Allahs company….Allah who is always there for the vulnerable, like a host ready to feed its guest all that will increase them with more hope and faith. With the remembrance of Allah hearts do find rest because through his remembrance we are nourished and replenished. The void is an abundant space only when Allah is remembered in it.

This verse from the Quran 2:30 just came to mind as I was contemplating what I said above…

”Remember (when) your Lord said to the angels: “I am setting on the earth a vicegerent. ” The angels asked: “Will you set therein one who will cause mischief in the land and shed blood? while we glorify you with your praise and sanctify your holy name?  He said: “Surely I know that which you do not know.”

What he “knows” instils confidence & faith in the heart because it stirs it to look beyond the circumstances that hinder it from the above and into the way of goodness inherent in the heart of man. Goodness that can be accessed through transcendence of one’s limitations, goodness that  is representative of the potential and value of man.  What Allah knows instils confidence because it aligns those who understand, with the divine value bestowed upon them.  The status of vicegerent in essence is symbolic of mankinds value. It’s a lofty position where one is only second to Allah the most loving, the all mighty the one true sovereign.  So when ever we find ourselves to have shifted from it (our value) in our own personal lives, in ways where we’ve settled for positions and circumstances not reflective of our value and for what ever reason. It is simply because we are not in conscious awareness of what Allah confidently knows I.e our value that he himself bestowed. I find it amazing that this verse was inspired for me to remember along with this understanding in one flow. So I write as I process…the connection between our free will, the space of the void and our inherent value as human beings, because I do believe there is.

I feel Allah measures us and sees us not through a black and white lens, but rather through the grey areas where he holds space for us because he deems us through his love as worthy of it. I feel he does this so those of us who reflect (and in doing so receive his grace) can learn to do that and believe that ourselves too. Seeing us in the grey is to see us in our holistic form which is what unconditional self love calls us to do also. 

When we learn to hold space for ourselves in the most challenging of life’s stations like in the abyss of the void. We find that once feared ominous space, transmuted into a guest room in the palace of the most merciful. 

Our free will and how we choose to use it determines how we journey through the paths that unfold in our lives. Either hitting the ground running when we face obstacles or hitting it and walking with the flow. We are either anxious or steady, and operating through fear or love. We are either cut off from our value or cognisant of it. 

Forgiveness

Forgiveness should have the same rules as Tawba I.e the Islamic concept of repenting to God. Allah’s ways set pace for those who have understanding. If all of the conditions of tawba (regret & remorse of wrong and resolve to never go back to it) are not present in one who seeks your forgiveness, to turn them away is your priority

As doing so i feel preserves ones well being. To protect them from your rejection is not, as it doesn’t.

How do you know the conditions are met? The seeker has a vibrational shift. Energy doesn’t lie and your emotional body detects truth & falsehood.

If the conditions being met aren’t felt, and the seeker insists on moving somewhere. Let them go in the direction of staying away from you and getting closer to god.

May Allah forgive you first, so that his servants share in his mercy. Forgiveness is a matter of the heart not mind, and Allah has power over both.

Bitter Truths

I didn’t realise how painful my truth could be until I stopped resisting a crucial one that told me I wasn’t at peace.

I was astonished by how easily my non peace then transmuted into peace, by simply embracing that truth and not resisting it.

I didnt consciously experience true surrender until I emptied out my heart to Allah and the words “I refuse..” came out as I did, only to suddenly see it intercepted with the realisation that I couldn’t refuse what is and so I didn’t and there it was….the light liberating feeling of surrender. Enveloping me with the peace that was blocked out,  by the mental position I was unconciously guarding in matter.

Some days later the transcendence above, ushered me into a new time line where I found & discovered myself carrying a profound truth. One where I knew I loved certain people, whose behaviour I was not enthusiastic about. There is no either or, both state of beings encapsulated my true feelings and that is OK. Yet very telling..

I thought my lack of enthusiasm was a form of judgement at first so I resisted that to, like a void in my heart respect would have otherwise filled. I felt that If I could give meaning to how I felt about another’s behaviour that I wasn’t enthusiastic about, then how I felt would be valid. But how I feel is valid even if my mind has not grasped its reasons fully yet & it can’t until I feed it this new awareness to file in its archive, because the old one was programmed to not register how I feel. 

It’s  not my task to find meaning in what another does it’s my task to discern what it means to me and why, that’s the meaning that matters.  What does it teach me? What can I transcend through it etc

In acceptance & understanding of this, I found a world of clarity behind the lack of enthusiasm I felt because it didn’t mask the love I feel for the other, nor does it wrestle or compete with it. (Unless ego enters equation) All of it just is, Inner turmoil is a result of being pulled apart at the seams of your truth and true harmony is established in the abence of the fragmentation of any part of you. 

This was a truth I struggled to give a home to, a truth i resisted until i had to face the incongruency inside me, that was not willing to give resistance, a home in its place. It was a truth I was consciously embracing holistically.

I may love a person for who they are holistically but my security and wellbeing is my responsibility, to give myself and to maintain in a space that doesn’t hinder how I thrive in doing that in any way. So if you behave in ways that don’t honour or take into considerations my needs as a human being. I have to believe not resist what I feel because the only closure I need is the one I discern for myself. Uninfluenced by my egos judgment of ones actions and unaffected by others lack of understanding towards my discernment itself.

What one needs, respects, holds space for, or resonates with, are all matters dictated by ones  values and heart not intellectualisation of affairs and conditioned mental positions. When you can’t accept your truth, resentment flourishes through blame or judgment and people judge because they are either not standing in their power or are giving it away. In this case their power that would accept what is. 

Bitter truths aren’t the enemy they are  gateways to making informed decisions about what you should sacrifice or prioritise. Your wellbeing shouldn’t be up for negotiation in the former, ever.

I think this is what Maya Angelou meant by “When someone shows you who they are believe them”

Inability to do so, is a result of resistance towards a bitter truth and it’s that resistance that fragments an individual depriving them of inner harmony. There is a conflict within that occurs, that can only be neutralised and stabilised through unconditional commitment to how one feels. 

 

Soul Mode of Operation

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Above quote is from one of Peterson’s lectures, the last part of “that’s pretty pathetic” struck a cord of full agreement within me. I realised it’s because it’s a straight home run, of truth.  

I feel If  there is any meaning to be found in responsibility, it’s the truth that no other action empowers us better than it. Likewise no action disempowers us more promptly and efficiently than the shirking of it. That’s why it’s a pretty pathetic state to adopt.

When we embrace through compassion and with no resistance, the reality of how pathetic some chapters of our life have been. The nuances that present themselves in such a moment, connects us to the deeper meaning that instils awareness of what we deserve.

There is even a sense of deep caring yet unsettling melancholy, that accompanies the profound realisation of how long you have gone with out what you deserve. It’s as if you’re suddenly & energetically awake to the fact that Allah created us whole. So the very hustle of worthiness, is in its essence an action that is based on illusions that rob, inhibit, stall and clog our life force. 

If I reflect and attempt to surmise, the most important meaning, I’ve found in all the matters I’ve adopted responsibility for…

It’s the awareness that connected me to the only unwavering secure reality I needed to thrive. A reality within my jurisdiction of control that incorporates all of my needs, not compromises or compensates for some of them. It’s the conscious clarity that can be appreciated in that reality, of the mercy of Allah for not relegating the maintenance of our wellbeing, to the whims of others.

Most meaning is found in the adoption of responsibility because the adopter is the soul and taking responsibility is it’s mode of operation.