Fulfilment & Wholeness

Forgiveness soothes the heart and acts as a barrier that keeps out the fire of resentment. It aligns one to stand with their authentic power, instead of comfort that deceives them from the realisation that they aren’t standing in it or worse have actually given it away.

Forgiveness is to give up the hope that the past could be any different and in managing that, we come to understand the present is all that we have and all that we need. To ensure a future, that encompasses the difference that was hoped for.

They say Forgiveness is to set free a prisoner only to find out that the prisoner was yourself. A prisoner, imprisoned from aligning with their truth. The kind of truth that swooshes past like a warm summer breeze. That whispers in spite of all that hurt you….. there is a part of your heart that remains pure (unblocked), that it is guarded by a part of you that wants to be acknowledged without shame or resistance. 

Only when we do acknowledge it, can we begin to finally heal and be free. Free from our own self judgment that has kept out the loving presence & truth of our soul. 

     ~~~~~~Reflection~~~~~~

After forgiveness, I found disappointment that left me sometimes feeling dejected & sometimes displaced. Some days ok…some days not so.

I prayed, asking Allah to reveal whats of benefit to me. To guide me to the root of what causes me re occurring imbalances and I realised  the feeling of disappointment that plagues my heart, carries a message asking me to acknowledge my truth unconditionally. 

And my authentic truth is that I don’t feel fulfilled. It’s like with this realisation came the death of what once was and the birth of a new adventure. That I don’t feel afraid of embarking upon.

Fulfilment is a gift no one can give you but yourself.  It requires the courage to not settle for anything less than what you know in your heart you deserve and prefer. The gps towards our  fulfilment is planted in the heart. The directions towards it are heard as intuition. 

Disappointment hurts because it is easy for the ego to infiltrate the space it squats in and take us down valleys of blame and judgment. Such valleys aren’t fulfilling when at times the ones we  judge and blame, we also love. (This includes ourselves) our emotional body will always reject falsehood with more feelings of discomfort. Truth settles in the heart, like a gentle swaying leaf lands where Allah willed for it to land. It doesn’t disturb through suffering, it just makes itself known.

We always have a choice to choose our stories, one of my biggest mistakes was to hope for those who I believe cared for me, write one worthy of me. In the parts where they were concerned or involved .

Until one day I realised not everyone who knows your worth also values it and quite often than not, it’s not even intentional not to. There could be distractions that ultimately have nothing to do with you. 

And perhaps that is one of life’s most difficult lessons, that Allah wishes to teach us. I.e Even though our expectations carry some proof of knowledge of our own self worth (as seen through what we expect that we feel is good for us). It also carries proof that we don’t value that good enough ourselves. Enough to give it to our selves, instead of waiting for it from others who either don’t care, or do but are distracted in myriad of ways.

Seeking what fulfils you reminds you to not settle. It is the bedrock of self love because it doesn’t allow you to unconsciously hand over your power by operating from a lack based mentality. A mentality that entraps you in a story where your fulfilment is absent and waited on, for it to be opted in, by others.  

I was guided to transmute the feeling of disappointment, into the authentic truth that I was witnessing unfulfilment. This simple mind shift empowers because it lies the onus of responsibility at your feet. 

Through it we can seek what fulfils us by moving away from what doesn’t first and foremost. The reoccurring imbalances end by one’s moving away from what doesn’t serve them, because what plagues the heart in grief, is given ample room to be healed and what doesn’t serve is always a clue as to what doesn’t fulfil.  

Staying in a vibration of disappointment leads to low vibrational feelings of sadness that the ego steers towards blame and judgment even towards your own self. 

When we acknowledge the deeper truth that a matter isn’t fulfilling. We land in our soul space that has been ready to take responsibility, for our lack of feeling un fulfilled. We align with our soul truth that wants to take us towards the paths that align with our fulfilment. 

If seeking fulfilment empowers, then it is because we are on the right track. It is because we aren’t giving away our power on the journey. It is because we aren’t choosing to let disappointment become our tent or our story.

It is because we are acknowledging our authentic reality, that this matter, this thing, this treatment, this place, this relationship, this job, this thought, this person or this plan, the way all this, currently is…Isn’t fulfilling me, something is missing and that matters. 

Deciding it matters is the essence of stamping value on your hearts resonance. On your needs which ultimately are you. When what matters is realised, so is it’s value. When value is truly acknowledged, your perception and how you move shift.

This spiral of clarity upwards leads to wholeness. If  the destination is wholeness, aligning with what fulfils you is the only way to get there. All other roads are mirages, illusions and ultimately dead ends.

Only you know what fulfils you, don’t deceive yourself. In life if we aren’t shifting due to the truth, we are looping due to unintentional self deception. 

The Void & Value

When you remember and put value on your heart, your needs, feelings, dreams and contentment. You become clear on what you need to do in every thing that concerns you. By value I mean real potent importance. Our Free will chooses the paths we walk on in life and that is all it is there for and meant to do.

How those paths unfold, whether good for you or not, depends on whether or not the path you chose was a path that presented most or least resistance for you and that can only be determined by how the path feels. In the end all that is in ones control is the opportunity (if they take it) to ascertain one simple truth. Is the path im choosing a path chosen out of self love or is it chosen through some subconscious conditioning that aligns me with sacrifice of my wellbeing that I’m not aware of, yet under the effect of.  This matters because it can indicate the reality that may await us on those paths. Realities that are either conducive to what’s in accordance with our highest good or not.

With this perspective comes the understanding that we really are co creators of our reality. I feel grateful to know that in my own volition, lies a power that can govern me with contentment. I don’t feel afraid to choose my paths,  out of fear of what I may meet along the way anymore. I dont feel afraid because in its stead, I feel safeguarded knowing I chose out of self love and when I don’t for what ever reason, I’ll still feel safe because I can take precautions rather than feel blindsided by any harms experienced. 

We fear the void more often than not because we stumble across it unprepared and without direction. How did we get here, what shall I do here, are the kind of thoughts that can consume our mind and affect our energy (how we show up)

We find anxiety and hyper vigilance as companions instead of self trust and patience. Self trust that grants us the clarity that this too shall pass inshallah, so don’t lose hope in the path you’ve taken because suddenly (and who knows perhaps even momentarily) you saw nothing in the void, that reassures you that you’re ok that you’re safe. With out the reassurance we become afraid and expect or think the worst in the void. We don’t think to neutralise our scattered energy with unconditional self love that recognises the part of us in the moment that is in need of reassurance, doesn’t require it from external factors, but rather from deep within our own selves.

It needs to be fed the hope, it’s trying to outsource from the external by you yourself. It needs you to give it a compassionate narrative that stems from self love, like ‘we used our free will through self love and the void we are in now is a place where we can find Allahs company….Allah who is always there for the vulnerable, like a host ready to feed its guest all that will increase them with more hope and faith. With the remembrance of Allah hearts do find rest because through his remembrance we are nourished and replenished. The void is an abundant space only when Allah is remembered in it.

This verse from the Quran 2:30 just came to mind as I was contemplating what I said above…

”Remember (when) your Lord said to the angels: “I am setting on the earth a vicegerent. ” The angels asked: “Will you set therein one who will cause mischief in the land and shed blood? while we glorify you with your praise and sanctify your holy name?  He said: “Surely I know that which you do not know.”

What he “knows” instils confidence & faith in the heart because it stirs it to look beyond the circumstances that hinder it from the above and into the way of goodness inherent in the heart of man. Goodness that can be accessed through transcendence of one’s limitations, goodness that  is representative of the potential and value of man.  What Allah knows instils confidence because it aligns those who understand, with the divine value bestowed upon them.  

The status of vicegerent in essence is symbolic of mankinds value. It’s a lofty position where one is only second to Allah the most loving, the all mighty the one true sovereign.  So when ever we find ourselves to have shifted from it (our value) in our own personal lives, in ways where we’ve settled for positions and circumstances not reflective of our value and for what ever reason. It is simply because we are not in conscious awareness of what Allah confidently knows I.e our value that he himself bestowed. I find it amazing that this verse was inspired for me to remember along with this understanding in one flow. So I write as I process in different ways…the connection between our free will, the space of the void and our inherent value as human beings.

I feel Allah measures us and sees us not through a black and white lens, but rather through the grey areas where he holds space for us because he deems us through his love as worthy of it. I feel he does this so those of us who reflect (and in doing so receive his grace) can learn to do that and believe that ourselves. Seeing us in the grey is to see us in our holistic form which is what unconditional self love calls us to do also. 

When we learn to hold space for ourselves in the most challenging of life’s stations like in the abyss of the void. We find that once feared ominous space, transmuted into a guest room in the palace of the most merciful. 

Our free will and how we choose to use it determines how we journey through the paths that unfold in our lives. Either hitting the ground running when we face obstacles or hitting it and walking with the flow. We are either anxious or steady, and operating through fear or love. We are either cut off from our value or cognisant of it. 

Bitter Truths

I didn’t realise how painful my truth could be until I stopped resisting a crucial one that told me I wasn’t at peace.

I was astonished by how easily my non peace then transmuted into peace, by simply embracing that truth and not resisting it.

I didnt consciously experience true surrender until I emptied out my heart to Allah and the words “I refuse..” came out as I did, only to suddenly see it intercepted with the realisation that I couldn’t refuse what is and so I didn’t and there it was….the light liberating feeling of surrender. Enveloping me with the peace that was blocked out,  by the mental position I was unconciously guarding in matter.

Some days later the transcendence above, ushered me into a new time line where I found & discovered myself carrying a profound truth. One where I knew I loved certain people, whose behaviour I was not enthusiastic about. There is no either or, both state of beings encapsulated my true feelings and that is OK. Yet very telling..

I thought my lack of enthusiasm was a form of judgement at first so I resisted that to, like a void in my heart respect would have otherwise filled. I felt that If I could give meaning to how I felt about another’s behaviour that I wasn’t enthusiastic about, then how I felt would be valid. But how I feel is valid even if my mind has not grasped its reasons fully yet & it can’t until I feed it this new awareness to file in its archive, because the old one was programmed to not register how I feel. 

It’s  not my task to find meaning in what another does it’s my task to discern what it means to me and why, that’s the meaning that matters.  What does it teach me? What can I transcend through it etc

In acceptance & understanding of this, I found a world of clarity behind the lack of enthusiasm I felt because it didn’t mask the love I feel for the other, nor does it wrestle or compete with it. (Unless ego enters equation) All of it just is, Inner turmoil is a result of being pulled apart at the seams of your truth and true harmony is established in the abence of the fragmentation of any part of you. 

This was a truth I struggled to give a home to, a truth i resisted until i had to face the incongruency inside me, that was not willing to give resistance, a home in its place. It was a truth I was consciously embracing holistically.

I may love a person for who they are holistically but my security and wellbeing is my responsibility, to give myself and to maintain in a space that doesn’t hinder how I thrive in doing that in any way. So if you behave in ways that don’t honour or take into considerations my needs as a human being. I have to believe not resist what I feel because the only closure I need is the one I discern for myself. Uninfluenced by my egos judgment of ones actions and unaffected by others lack of understanding towards my discernment itself.

What one needs, respects, holds space for, or resonates with, are all matters dictated by ones  values and heart not intellectualisation of affairs and conditioned mental positions. When you can’t accept your truth, resentment flourishes through blame or judgment and people judge because they are either not standing in their power or are giving it away. In this case their power that would accept what is. 

Bitter truths aren’t the enemy they are  gateways to making informed decisions about what you should sacrifice or prioritise. Your wellbeing shouldn’t be up for negotiation in the former, ever.

I think this is what Maya Angelou meant by “When someone shows you who they are believe them”

Inability to do so, is a result of resistance towards a bitter truth and it’s that resistance that fragments an individual depriving them of inner harmony. There is a conflict within that occurs, that can only be neutralised and stabilised through unconditional commitment to how one feels. 

 

Soul Mode of Operation

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Above quote is from one of Peterson’s lectures, the last part of “that’s pretty pathetic” struck a cord of full agreement within me. I realised it’s because it’s a straight home run, of truth.  

I feel If  there is any meaning to be found in responsibility, it’s the truth that no other action empowers us better than it. Likewise no action disempowers us more promptly and efficiently than the shirking of it. That’s why it’s a pretty pathetic state to adopt.

When we embrace through compassion and with no resistance, the reality of how pathetic some chapters of our life have been. The nuances that present themselves in such a moment, connects us to the deeper meaning that instils awareness of what we deserve.

There is even a sense of deep caring yet unsettling melancholy, that accompanies the profound realisation of how long you have gone with out what you deserve. It’s as if you’re suddenly & energetically awake to the fact that Allah created us whole. So the very hustle of worthiness, is in its essence an action that is based on illusions that rob, inhibit, stall and clog our life force. 

If I reflect and attempt to surmise, the most important meaning, I’ve found in all the matters I’ve adopted responsibility for…

It’s the awareness that connected me to the only unwavering secure reality I needed to thrive. A reality within my jurisdiction of control that incorporates all of my needs, not compromises or compensates for some of them. It’s the conscious clarity that can be appreciated in that reality, of the mercy of Allah for not relegating the maintenance of our wellbeing, to the whims of others.

Most meaning is found in the adoption of responsibility because the adopter is the soul and taking responsibility is it’s mode of operation.  

Spiritual Irony

The very people that help you with your greatest expansions, are also the very ones that you use, as your excuse not to go there.” Abraham Hicks

When you ‘go there’ you find that your power lies not in what you wish to prove or defend, but in what you know you don’t have to.

Confidence is acceptance of vulnerability. For any vulnerability you allow your self to feel, transmutes into the gift of invulnerability that introduces you, to the real you.   

CEO of my Wellbeing

To protect your space (wellbeing) you must first cultivate awareness about what invades it. Then step into your power to embrace it. 

When you don’t you fragment yourself and vital energy that you need to thrive ends up depleted. 

What’s worse you may not even know why you’re frustrated in a moment. Because without awareness your mind is left in the dark intercepted by the ego/false self. That is scrambling for judgment or blame via complaints, because it has to make interpretations that suit its motivation for survival about your experience in some way.

A lot of the time we are aware of major things that affect our wellbeing. Hence why people have boundaries regarding them.

I’ve found the little things we tolerate however  are more consistent and therefore are prone to  yield more frequent invasions of our space.  Reason dictates it should have more attention because it’s through them that the cracks appear (waiting to be seen) in the first place. 

For example it may be easy for someone to  distance themselves from someone who lied to them because honesty is a boundary connected to their values (for obvious reasons) 

What falls through the cracks however, is the truth that, that same person may not have boundaries against energies that don’t uphold their boundary for honesty. So they are akin to tolerate vagueness, lack of transparency and in essence booky/shady behaviour. All of which clearly clog up the stream,their wellbeing is meant to flow through and to (them) in.

This tolerance is an unconscious choice because it’s as though they don’t give themselves the permission to protect themselves; because based on their subconscious beliefs they haven’t caught person out on a lie yet so what they feel otherwise becomes irrelevant. 

What’s worthy to note here is the thought process of doubt that says ‘nothing really happened’ i.e proof of being lied to hasn’t manifested. Is how the ego false self evaluates the external circumstance, to ultimately divert one away from the truth that something is happening inside…..the false self isn’t motivated towards ones wholeness just their survival. 

So ‘nothing happened’  actually means, nothing that upholds the energy of honesty is around you through this person or circumstance & your guidance system (feelings) is telling you via your soul “I don’t need this” “i dont want to engage with this” “this isn’t good for me” 

So in effect something IS happening and it’s something not conducive to your wellbeing, because you ain’t ok with certain energies when it comes around you and that matters. 

Cement the cracks with your truth of that, not debate it because there isn’t yet a fact. Close what invades your space with unconditional commitment to how you feel. Not leave it open because your feelings on their own are deemed unreliable by you yourself or anyone else. 

No one is responsible for your wellbeing but you. That’s why i feel its best to choose resonation over compromise. The former carries no confusion and the latter in this context is akin to the worst connotations that stem from the notion of settlement.

Compromising with energies that don’t uphold the energies that support a boundary is the pathway to getting stuck in comfortable limitations. Which in reality leaves you uncomfortable because it carries the illusion of protection from a set back or loss. In my case fear of getting something wrong were the kind of set backs I’d avoid like the plague. 

What I realised a while ago,is the subtle truth that as the CEO of my life, I’m good with not getting the protection of my wellbeing wrong.

Thats the priority that if & when met, takes care of everything I need. Security comes from within. To give it to our ownselves and not look for it in others behaviours is the pinnacle of being responsible. 

Checkmate

I couldn’t truly love myself not until I realised & accepted the true reason behind why I was afraid to.

I find serenity in the type of melancholy that accompanies this realisation and around this sudden charge of courage I feel, that wants to go ahead….

Go ahead and love myself in spite of the subconscious fears that have sabotaged and unconsciously shut me off. Go ahead and love myself inspite and in awareness of those fears that promise me loss.

To Switch up on all that switched you off, trust the process of what divine love turns a light towardstrust the wisdom behind divine will that intends that light to become yours