Breaking clean

I don’t resonate with the paths I’ve walked down or the conversations that took place in it. It’s served what it came to serve and gifted me with new truths, values and ways of being. I think I’ve out grown the past because it’s fulfilled its duty to teach.

Be grateful if you can break clean. 

Reunion with my heart….till death do us part

When I first learnt that the language of the psyche is fear it altered how I related to and identified with my thoughts. When I learnt that the language of the emotional body is pain.  It redefined how I view and treat my feelings. It gave me understanding and a new sense of patience where before I met it with discomfort and intolerance.

I have to say I was most awestruck by being guided to understand the language of my heart. It’s been a mixture of gratitude and wonder getting to know the language it communicates to me through. I’ve always experienced it, I just didn’t know how to precieve it consciously for what it is and not knowing that meant I was also prone to not listen to it. Not unless it could blast through and silence fear and not unless it could by pass pain so that I don’t feel.

What a daunting task for my heart to over come in order to make itself heard by me. What’s truly merciful and charitable is despite this unconscious, irrational low-key subduing  task presented to it. The language of the heart was decreed in such a way that it could work with and even around someone like me.

Knowing the language of the heart is felt perception has changed my life. The second that lightbulb went on I felt ushered into a new dimension the kind that I want to stay in forever.

Through felt perception the heart manages to whisper in ways that pose competent challenges to the psyches language of fear. It also manages to soothe through ease the emotional bodies language of pain.

This is its humanitarian way of meeting the task I set for it. Through this leniency I see the vastness of love and wisdom placed in the human heart.

Through felt perception the heart communicates things that have power to melt away illusion and to provide a hoverboard of nurturing care that ensures one lands in the midst of pain whole.

It is one thing to understand that the heart has a will of its own and another to experience how that will takes form.

It may sound crazy but I think I heard my hearts voice. Not through sound but through feeling. It felt like an earnest yet assured plea and it felt like It was at a cross road of a make or break concerning me. As if it was experiencing its last chance, clinging firmly to a thinning thread of hope, wanting me to come back to it, wishing  I would.  I felt something get activated in my heart and in that moment I didn’t just feel but it was like I saw. 

I’ve been in a strange daze ever since this happened. Its like a reunion took place and I felt deeply committed. Committed to the heart that I devalued. Happy for a second chance and grateful for its immense unconditional love. 

I understand your language now and listening is as important to me as the air that I breathe. 

I’m surprised a reunion took place because I was never aware I even left.

Centered & Tempered

I don’t want to fight anymore not because I feel worn out and weak, but because deep in my heart I feel the process of it is a distraction that doesn’t serve me.  The stability I crave is in my heart already and through Allah alone I feel and experience it. I only want to ‘do’ from a grounded place of necessity not a scattered place of urge and restlessness.

I want to walk into my destiny not arrive in it with battle wounds. Looking into my heart ive found what truly bothered it, was me being in a position to fight for me. I had to pause and reflect on what that meant to me, it meant everything.

There is no feeling greater than being healed and washed by your own heart. There is no awe greater than what I felt through that feeling, other than the awe I feel for Allah

I don’t view ‘doing’ the way I use to, I can’t after all that I’ve been through. I rather retire to divine will and love. Where I receive divine wisdom that teaches me the true meaning of trust in him and all its related branches that teach trust in myself. What’s more all the fruits its tree drops, sprouting from seeds of hope, faith, reliance and love.   

What can they do to me when my stability is grounded in my heart? What power does my associative fears wish for me to lack standing in; when the decree is already written and what’s certain is I will meet it.

My ego is wounded and I see it’s need for me to tend to it like a nurse; but it’s best it dies in this tunnel too, because wanting to thrive and not survive is what I choose.

I felt afraid to be ok in the space, my heart said ‘don’t do’ just ‘be’

Ive learnt the whys about that in many ways but most trying was to embody it in the face of pressing hardship. In the turmoil is where we find and shine light, on all the blocks that stand in the way of true reliance upon the divine.

I’ve fought all my life because I couldn’t see and now that I do, I can’t believe how I fought through the mind and never my heart.

That realisation is healing for me as it presents an alternative to finessing my rights. An alternative I’ve never thought to seek. 

When you are facing hardship waiting for the ease to come from Allah, is the best worship.

In waiting you get to tend to the parts of yourself you’re accustomed to abandon. In waiting you heal and bring into balance both your feminine and masculine energy. In waiting you align with divine will & timing with pure understanding of reliance and freedom from all attachments.

The ease then creeps up on you as a breakthrough from another soul draining labyrinth. As the heart centers you, the soul tempers you. Allah is the connect that guides to make that possible. To have him is to have everything

The Jump off

“Having full faith is knowing that when Allah takes away the umbilical cord he will replace it with milk” ~ Yasmin mogahed 

Ive been contemplating about faith lately by observing first all of the fear based illusions that attack it. I’ve noticed how when the attacks up the ante there are parts of our psyche along with our  heart,  that counter attack fear to assist us. I understand why the heart would, what surprised me is the minds help since the fear based illusion also stemmed from there.

Such is life that good and bad can branch out from the same place. So stand alone statements such as the mind supports or the mind antagonises……prove only one thing in the end and that is that a momentary experience factualised on mere ground of occurrence, can not be held as holistic truth. In doing so then at least know that facts can be misleading. The same mind that reasons also pushes out illusions & distortions.

Every one has a struggle with trust, one way or another. There are the general kind of struggles, that have momentum based in natural anticipations of what’s desired. This general kind carries light somatic experiences like nerves as opposed to heavy ones like shame.

The true struggle in trust occurs when you are in the abyss of the unknown. When your fear of loss is activated because there is a deep attachment to outcomes. When there are fear based illusions that create resistance to your flow. In fact so strenuously that projecting safety in the unknown in such moments feels like surgery without  anesthetic. 

This type of struggle can go on for a long time because the true test in the struggle is left unrealised. You experience extreme highs when you experience things in support of your desired outcomes and extreme lows when you don’t.

Allah is meticulous in how he orchestrates the test for you,  so the highs and lows are not exactly things you can place firmly in a box and diagnose cognitively. They stand as juxtaposes that drive you insane. Why? Because both your positive thinking and negative thinking rely on it to make its case.

Your feelings try to point out to you that this isn’t right, so you think it’s to do with matter and abandon ship because the matter low-key becomes the enemy to your peace. Your soul pulls you back in and so you lean on positive thinking only for the highs and lows to begin again.

Your feelings point out over and over again that this isn’t right and thus the cycle repeats itself. You’re on a roller coaster stuck in a never ending dynamic of sorts. Misinterpreting your reality because you misread the true guidance your feelings carried all along.

This isn’t right” is and always was in relation to the path not matter in and of itself.  The matter is what you desire, what you desire is rooted and nourished in the heart and co signed by the wholeness carried by your soul. The heart is between the fingers of the divine, meaning out of your control.

So when you find yourself stuck in stalement in a dynamic you know isn’t congruent to your over all wellbeing. When on a roller coaster that eventually makes you hop off feeling sick. Look at your feelings and apply its guidance to the path instead of matter.

As Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

Change course, don’t erase a part of yourself by making “it’s not right” about the matter. Make it about the one thing you are in control of and that is the path you took, the path you’re on. 

Look at all the ways in how that is not right and you will stumble upon discoveries you can not ignore.

Is the path to following your hearts desire a path in alignment with self love i.e are you speaking your truth and standing in your power. Are you unconditionally honouring your needs and accepting your feelings with out by passing or micromanaging them?   

Is the path pleasing to the divine? 

Does it only balance your hope and faith attaching you to your lord when you’re experiencing the highs?.

Do you feel scattered when experiencing the lows on the path? Does fear have a playing field when this is the case?

The answers will grant you profound insight paving way for long over due clarity. 

The reason there is a struggle in your trust regarding your hearts desire and in turn your faith is because you are missing the forest for the trees. “This isn’t right” becomes “this is right” when you metaphorically kill the attachment to the desire/outcome and become attached to the divine instead. This requires understanding and divine consciousness to execute. It isn’t necessarily contingent on your religious practice being on point. Allah guides the hearts and truth doesn’t discriminate against who receives it

Attachment to the divine makes sense because it’s him who guided you through his grace, strengthened your faith through his mercy. Protected you from misguidance (e.g you making its not right about matter) it’s him who left  you signs and synchronicities. Inspired you into multitudes of perspective shifts. The one who strengthened you with his spirit all to facilitate…..your journey back to yourself which ultimately means your journey back to him.

To truly trust you must first be free to trust, and you cannot be free where an attachment other than to Allah exists.

This is why one can’t project safety into the unknown. This is what makes one prone to repeat dynamics that don’t serve. This is how fear garners control over one to trip them up in matters pertaining to their faith. Faith that Allah cultivated in you to begin with to serve as your torch.

Why are attachments other than to the divine not in your highest good? Because unconsciously you are being obedient to the attachment to outcome. This leaves subconscious negative core beliefs managed by the ego, related to matters that need healing  left unexposed.  Through attachment to the divine this darkness is bought into the light for resolution. Distortions are healed as the subconscious mind is reprogrammed through truth and with love. 

He is not in need of your obedience in the end it serves your highest good. When Allah says re route your attachment to a matter and its outcome to me. It is so that your scattered focus aligns with unconditional self love and acceptance which is your soul structure. Re routing attachment to Allah thus frees you up to be in a state that receives.  

He wants attachments to other than him metaphorically annihilated so that fears can be transmuted to pure faith. Your doubts into pure hope, your anxiety into trust  and your confusion into steadfastness.

The divine is interested in your soul evolution every test you encounter facilitates for this. Your soul yearns for this and works with it because it is motivated towards your wholeness. The souls attachment to the divine means it gets to relish in divine love. It’s safe and has an inner knowing where trust is concerned that whatever the outcome the divine destines regarding its hearts desire, ultimately is an outcome better than what your own will could conjure.

True alchemy of the heart, is to rid it from attachments to anything but the divine.

May he align your will with his. If you are on a rollercoaster look at the path it rolls through. To jump off is to detach from attachments, therefore the Jump off becomes a breakthrough.  Because detaching from attachments is soul liberation. 

This is the lesson, your feelings knew and the roller coaster and dynamic of sorts you were on and stuck in  are the loops in life that stand as signs telling you ……… you-are-still-not getting-it. 

 

 

 

Trumpet Blow

Round and round we go because of reasons that were obscured……and in my heart I now know….no reason justifies restriction of my flow.

Many nights I prayed….for alignment with my soul. For my words and actions to merge, in harmony with its call.

…and so I was heard

When the trumpet blows it’s impossible to ignore. The soul jumps forth and divine mercy makes sure….you consciously follow.

 

 

Synergise

True safety is found not through compensating for your deepest insecurities and fears but through comforting them. These aspects represent your child self that hasn’t been integrated into your adult consciousness because of your self antagonism, and that child desperately wishes to find a home in your heart. 

Synergise with your inner child