Actually not when you do it right for example…
“….I won’t ask for your forgiveness, my lack of you is my deepest illness…..”
Jokes aside the above is an excerpt of the original poem written by the author Klaudio Marashi. I liked it not because I like to see someone suffer for a wrong they did but more so because of the remorse it shows.
It got me wondering about apologies and how what qualifies one as sincere varies from one person to another.
I realised the apologies that most touch my soul are those that…
A) contain accountability~ so when receiving the apology I can feel the other person understands what they’ve done wrong.
B) Shows honour for me~ so when receiving I can feel my value as (insert what I am to you) reflected back to me.
c) Invokes & invites a renewal of trust through unspoken vulnerability.~ so when receiving I can see something valuable you’ve put forward. This kind of unspoken vulnerability is felt energetically. One can simply stand there and apologise and I’ll know the above is there either in that moment or because of how things unfold. It’s vulnerable because the person has genuine intentions to do right & right their wrongs but their history taints. So though they wish they could earn your trust again, they entertain reason in any skepticism that exists as understandable.
D) Change ~ So when receiving I can be happy knowing what happened wasn’t in vain. Perhaps the one who hurt me grew as a result.
I have a gift in being able to grasp the essence in things and an apology where any of the above exist (the more the better) are the only apologies I feel worth allowing into my space.
That is because such apologies take courage and character to deliver. It’s never too late to apologise because such apologies carry the gift of healing for the one you hurt and for yourself.
I was able to discern this because I’ve accepted apologies in the past where those things that matter to me above weren’t felt or honoured by me, I wasn’t conscious of it not being. Sure things were said that can be put into categories A & B. But in essence I knew it didn’t satisfy me organically. It’s as though the person wasn’t ripe with it and in accepting the apology I kind of felt compelled to reward tangible effort.
Which Inadvertently taught me one of the greatest lessons I’ve learnt to date and that is accepting an apology, is a personal choice guilt or shame should have no say in. If it’s not in alignment don’t bulldoze your soul to conform.
Unconditional self love becomes fragmented when you step out side of your self to tend to presumed needs of another. That is because to embody unconditional self love you must acknowledge all of your needs.
Hence why holding space for yourself should take priority over you holding space for the one apologising. Their feelings are not your responsibility yours are, because their feelings are meant to guide them and yours are meant to guide you.
True Apologies are more than just sorry, they are a mark of a paradigm shift, an energetic re set and courage in the one giving it. It’s also a mark of nobility for the one who accepts it.
I respect this space that cultivates courage and summons nobility in people. Deal with apologies according to your values.