Space Jam

It is often said protect your space from negativity but I feel this can be too vague an instruction to actually yield real results for most; because it can be a struggle to even recognise what’s negative and what isn’t at times.  We are human and have our own unconscious blocks so yes it can be difficult to pinpoint what’s negative in a moment for us in and of itself. Especially when there isn’t a solid or decent relationship with understanding our feelings.

Nothing annoyed me more than generic statements like “block out negativity” “protect yourself from negative people” “declutter your space” sure but what who and how?. I don’t resonate with statements that carry some frantic urge like energy. Like I need to run to or from something.  

It’s easy to underestimate our power of definition and in so doing, we can relinquish this power to societal standards and norms that define things for us without being aware of how it does. The more awareness we gain about ourselves  through what we feel, the more this power of definition becomes like a remote control in our hand that we naturally gravitate towards and explore.

For example I began to feel a lot of inner expansion and space when I defined….

Clearing up tumultuous misunderstandings expressed to me as negative but not in and of itself. I set this as a default rule because I felt it was easier to branch out this way. If it’s defined as negative for me, I then end up with a space where I can sit and discern through the exceptions I’ve made for this rule (I’ll address this more soon.)

Point is the alternative left me scattered and overwhelmed as it was too loose …I needed a structure that put me first and this rule that I can branch out from, provided that. 

I first became aware of this strain that I felt when I found myself cleaning things up. It was confusing at first because I genuinely like to be of help and clarity is something I love. I love safeguarding it from loss, providing it when I have it and want it when I don’t.

When this awareness of the strain I felt slowly became more focused, I began to see it most notable in matters that pertained to one expecting or subjecting others to clean up their tumultuous misunderstandings. Whether one was aware they had one or not is irrelevant as pending task felt the same.

It’s negative because the misunderstandings would be presented by another without taking an active part in the clean up process themselves i.e they don’t hold space for it and if they do, it’s after a lot of stubborn resistance The kind  you also end up ironing out of the way.  

This happens when someone tells you something that doesn’t leave room for other perspectives. Clearly the perspective they have has holes in it and it’s detrimental to their own well being. Yet they want to defend it like their life depends on it.

Cue you entering to clear it up even worse, the person never even asked you too. 

Whats wrong with this picture? 

Aside from the selfishness that you at times assume or at times is true( because even though person didn’t ask you to clean up they want you to) its draining. If you are anything like me your tendency to genuinely prefer clarity to chaos makes you step in to iron out what seems off, from all that you’ve grasped essence wise from matter. 

The problem with this ‘clear up’ is it depletes your energy, especially when you aren’t cognizant of the how’s and whys of its happening.

For the longest time I actually didn’t connect this nor did I even mind doing it (the clear ups I mean) But now with my soul running the show more and more every day.  I have an emotional boundary that I’ve become very cognizant of. The kind that says…..unless I see YOU caring for a clear up, or YOU asked for one or at the very least YOU made it known through your vulnerability that YOU are open to perspectives that may carry one.

I will stare at you and ruthlessly leave you to your chosen path. This takes form in simple ways like a response of “madness….” to a rant made.

I couldn’t do that before, do what? Just witness In stead I would block my soul through my false selves guilt narrative and end up entangled. I couldn’t simply just leave person to it because I would feel for the other and conflate my needs when I did similar things,  with the other persons.  Even though a huge difference existed.  I was that person who would present an energetic signal through my vulnerability…There was a part of me that therefore welcomed a clean up and I appreciated those equipped to provide it mainly because my issue came from a place of hurt. (If I’m just venting you’ll know)

I didn’t care for defence and detest people who view objections as defence in and of itself. (Note: why power of definition is important) 

I define this clearing up of misunderstandings by default of seeing or feeling its existence as negative for me, when the one presenting it, in extreme cases wants to stand there absolved from responsibility to seek clarification and in normal cases leaves it vague enough I end up entangled..  

It’s negative because it requires you to take on a problem that the other persons substance should have a handle on. But they don’t have the substance because at times they may be unconscious of the ego influence, that blinds them to this and in clearing it up for them willingly, you block the individual from seeing their own shadow?  You block them from seeing how the ego keeps them in victim consciousness? Even if you point that out, you engaging in a clear up enables them to stay blocked??

The people vary in needs some do exactly what I’m describing, others don’t intend to but come across that way (so it’s you interpreting matter as is) regardless of the details of what form they appear in or not.

You either are being pulled into what doesn’t serve your highest good or you pull yourself in and resent the other who simply was just venting to you. In any case….

When you stay in your lane you actually help the other person because it exposes them to their own lane. That they refuse to even enter in the first place or aren’t aware is there for them to enter. Ultimately they are exposed to a lane where their substance could be obtained…. The rant dies down, they have exhausted the complaint. You’ve heard them and now a space becomes available where they choose one of two things 

*Ask for clarity through feedback..

Or…

*Leave conversation scratching their own head.

Understanding what serves you and what is in accordance to your highest good. Means to allow the latter to occur and not internalise any discomfort that ensues as a result. Sometimes being authentic means making others uncomfortable. They ain’t uncomfortable with your authenticity but more so the audacity of it and you aren’t uncomfortable because of the other person but more so because you fragmented in moment because you aren’t being authentic.

We live in times where being authentic is…well bizarre. That’s why authenticity is moreso a practice as opposed to something you have or don’t have but I digress…

This cleaning up things that isn’t yours can occur in myriad of ways. It’s easy to fall into and it’s slow poison. That’s why I can only manage it by making it a rule not to….unless (insert the aforementioned exceptions to the rule)

To protect your space you must first cultivate awareness about what invades it. Step into your power of definition to then embrace it. When you don’t you fragment yourself and vital energy that you need to thrive ends up depleted and you are left on a hamster wheel mad at these situations where your energy gets used up. What’s worse you don’t even know at times why you are mad consciously. Without awareness your mind is left in the dark. 

The above results in producing the feeling of anger. A feeling that comes to point out a boundary has been or is in the process of being violated by you or another. If you don’t get to benefit from this guidance and matter concludes itself as a boundary being broken or over stepped. Then your feelings don’t leave you hanging. Resentment follows suit loyally carrying guidance, to show you where you are giving your power away or not standing in it. Feelings guide and become your best friend when you begin to decipher what they mean…

Does not seeing resentment as a feeling that shows you where you are giving your power away or lacking to stand in it, make you look at the feeling differently? More importantly in a way that actually empowers you. As opposed to leaving you feeling powerless which is the default way we are prone to relate to resentment…

Whats astonishing is resentment transmuted becomes wisdom and when left to fester passes the buck back to anger through grudge lol rinse repeat. 

Let your feelings direct you to what matters or behaviours that are negative for you. Others can give you pointers but no one can define this for you and it’s futile to ignore it just because (perhaps) the negativity is or was within you yourself at one point or another albeit in different ways or on different levels. Don’t ignore what can be used to develop awareness that can facilitate growth for you.

Ive never been team no negativity, I’m more team why does this negativity exist?  

Protecting your personal space is one of the greatest personal investments you can make as it is the epitome of self care.  I feel doing it from the inside out yields better more fruitful results

You can make boundaries through speech but those that arise through an energetic shift from within stick and speak for themselves.

Ultimately it provides you authentic space woven through substance. It’s authentic because you yourself are taught not to contaminate it. So it becomes a space that maintains catharsis that allows you to Jam uninhibited. 

It’s too late to apologise?

Actually not when you do it right for example…

“….I won’t ask for your forgiveness, my lack of you is my deepest illness…..” 

Jokes aside the above is an excerpt of the original poem written by the author Klaudio Marashi. I liked it not because I like to see someone suffer for a wrong they did but more so because of the remorse it shows.

It got me wondering about apologies and how what qualifies one as sincere varies from one person to another. 

I realised the apologies that most touch my soul are those that…

A) contain accountability~ so when receiving the apology I can feel the other person understands what they’ve done wrong.

B) Shows honour for me~ so when receiving I can feel my value as (insert what I am to you) reflected back to me.

c) Invokes & invites a renewal of trust through unspoken vulnerability.~ so when receiving I can see something valuable you’ve put forward.  This kind of unspoken vulnerability is felt energetically. One can simply stand there and apologise and I’ll know the above is there either in that moment or because of how things unfold. It’s vulnerable because the person has genuine intentions to do right & right their wrongs but their history taints. So though they wish they could earn your trust again, they entertain reason in any skepticism that exists as understandable.  

D) Change ~ So when receiving I can be happy knowing what happened wasn’t in vain. Perhaps the one who hurt me grew as a result. 

I have a gift in being able to grasp the essence in things and an apology where any of the above exist (the more the better) are the only apologies I feel worth allowing into my space. 

That is because such apologies take courage and character to deliver. It’s never too late to apologise because such apologies carry the gift of healing for the one you hurt and for yourself. 

I was able to discern this because I’ve accepted apologies in the past where those things that matter to me above weren’t felt or honoured by me, I wasn’t conscious of it not being. Sure things were said that can be put into categories A & B. But in essence I knew it didn’t satisfy me organically. It’s as though the person wasn’t ripe with it and in accepting the apology I kind of felt compelled to reward tangible effort. 

Which Inadvertently taught me one of the greatest lessons I’ve learnt to date and that is accepting an apology,  is a personal choice guilt or shame should have no say in. If it’s not in alignment don’t bulldoze your soul to conform.

Unconditional self love becomes fragmented when you step out side of your self to tend to presumed needs of another. That is because to embody unconditional self love you must acknowledge all of your needs.

Hence why holding space for yourself should take priority over you holding space for the one apologising. Their feelings are not your responsibility yours are, because their feelings are meant to  guide them and yours are meant to guide you. 

True Apologies are more than just sorry, they are a mark of a paradigm shift, an energetic re set, a change in vibration. It’s a mark of courage in the one giving it and also a mark of nobility for the one who accepts it

I respect this space that cultivates courage and summons nobility in people. Deal with apologies according to your values.

 

Tell the Deep I’m new

The imperfect me wants to walk and speak free. Free from the shackles of shame imposed by the jungle laws that censored my heart and soul. 

Can I start again, who but god can deny me that…..will I get it right this time, who but god can truly know that…

This world really isn’t worth a can I or will I. I just want to be in it as a tourist and a witness. Flowing in peace and meeting others along the way with it. I am not hopeless just spiritually homeless and that’s because I know it’s not home. The imperfect you can exist in an imperfect world. This is an important truth I didn’t have the luxury of knowing when it mattered most.

I’m pregnant with a future I don’t know, exiting a past I’ve out grown and living in the current through love & hope. The rest irrelevant…

Love over Fear

Lately I feel like I’ve been in another world going with the flow. A lot of intense energies bringing about a lot of purges. They keep hitting like tsunami waves. Leaving  as quickly as it came…..because ive not been fighting it. As soon as I see something coming up mid field I look within my heart and ask “what do you need?” listening lovingly to the answer it gives. There has been a lot of ‘sit down‘ & “rest for a moment” 

I mean it doesn’t even matter to me that I have to sometimes consciously look for a place to sit. All I care about is my  intent to honour what I need. So I need somewhere private, where in that moment I can just be at home with my emotions that’s fine not complicated anymore. However it wasn’t my norm,  I mostly pretty much use to treat feelings like a virus. All I want to do now is to follow my heart and honour its every need. As cliche as that sounds…..When I sit down I find it healing because whatever I feel passes through like a cool breeze on a hot summer afternoon. 

What this has done is freed up a lot of space within me. Space that resistance use to fill with false promise of safety or illusions of strength. Space that misunderstanding clogged up with restlessness and bulldozing of my own soul.

A lot of what I’ve been learning has centred around my needs it’s unbelievable.

~Awareness of my needs

~Acknowledging my needs

~Expressing my needs 

and the hardest of all…

~Honouring my needs.

There is a lot up in the air awaiting results or conclusions where my affairs are concerned I kid you not. But despite all of that, internally all I feel 80% of the time is harmony.

The current energies maybe intense but it is ushering us into a new world. I feel that strongly because for the first time in my life I’m not afraid of the unknown.  I’m on a plane of faith because only through divine grace…. in being taught what not to do, I’ve recieved the gift of knowing what to do.

Relief is contingent upon honouring your needs. Choosing to act through a base of love over fear. This choice requires that you follow a compass that points to meeting your needs before anything else.  

I use to hear a lot how we are co creators of our reality. I believe that so deeply because in every moment we make a choice through either love or fear.

Choose love, you know it’s a choice through love when it leads you to inner peace. When you act through listening to felt perception over mental noise.

The current energies are intense because this is the very lesson it’s grounding into our being. How varies for each and every one of us. It’s not just about a new beginning it’s an emotional re set. 

Breaking clean

I don’t resonate with some of the paths I’ve walked down or the conversations that took place in them.  It’s served what it came to serve and gifted me with new truths, values and ways of being. I’ve out grown the past because it’s fulfilled its duty to teach.

Be grateful if you can break clean. 

Reunion with my heart….till death do us part

When I first learnt that the language of the psyche is fear it altered how I related to and identified with my thoughts. When I learnt that the language of the emotional body is pain.  It redefined how I view and treat my feelings. It gave me understanding and a new sense of patience where before I met it with discomfort and intolerance.

I have to say I was most awestruck by being guided to understand the language of my heart. It’s been a mixture of gratitude and wonder getting to know the language it communicates to me through. I’ve always experienced it, I just didn’t know how to precieve it consciously for what it is and not knowing that meant I was also prone to not listen to it. Not unless it could blast through and silence fear and not unless it could by pass pain so that I don’t feel.

What a daunting task for my heart to over come in order to make itself heard by me. What’s truly merciful and charitable is despite this unconscious, irrational low-key subduing  task presented to it. The language of the heart was decreed in such a way that it could work with and even around someone like me.

Knowing the language of the heart is felt perception has changed my life. The second that lightbulb went on I felt ushered into a new dimension the kind that I want to stay in forever.

Through felt perception the heart manages to whisper in ways that pose competent challenges to the psyches language of fear. It also manages to soothe through ease the emotional bodies language of pain.

This is its humanitarian way of meeting the task I set for it. Through this leniency I see the vastness of love and wisdom placed in the human heart.

Through felt perception the heart communicates things that have power to melt away illusion and to provide a hoverboard of nurturing care that ensures one lands in the midst of pain whole.

It is one thing to understand that the heart has a will of its own and another to experience how that will takes form.

It may sound crazy but I think I heard my hearts voice. Not through sound but through feeling. It felt like an earnest yet assured plea and it felt like It was at a cross road of a make or break concerning me. As if it was experiencing its last chance, clinging firmly to a thinning thread of hope, wanting me to come back to it, wishing  I would.  I felt something get activated in my heart and in that moment I didn’t just feel but it was like I saw. 

I’ve been in a strange daze ever since this happened. Its like a reunion took place and I felt deeply committed. Committed to the heart that I devalued. Happy for a second chance and grateful for its immense unconditional love. 

I understand your language now and listening is as important to me as the air that I breathe. 

I’m surprised a reunion took place because I was never aware I even left.

Games of thrones

My crowns been collecting dust on the shelf as I walked through valleys of darkness & stress. There was a lot I needed to see. A lot of people I needed to meet. Both the good and bad thereof, ultimately assisted the evolution of my soul. Depth cant be bought it’s lived.