Thin Line

There is a thin line between reassurance and validation. Between co operation and compromise. Between firmness and harshness, between tolerance and cowardice. Between authenticity and being an asshole.

To be aware that you’re treading on the thin line, when you are,  is knowledge. To choose to lean towards the former in all of the above is wisdom.

Wisdom can not be cultivated with out consciousness. Nor go full circle without a platform of love for it to spring from.

Love for what’s good. Love for what’s just. Love in spite of, love just because, it’s your essence, make space for it.

The thin line teaches us a lot, it teaches us how we can easily cross between alignment and misalignment. How the choices we make every day support our highest good and how it can sabotage too.

Its not the choices we make that matter, but how we can ignore our conscious that calls for reflection about them.

Realisation

Realization is nothing new to be acquired. It is already there, but obstructed by a screen of thoughts. All our attempts are directed to lifting this screen and then realization is revealed.
~ Ramana Maharshi

Realisation is the soul trusting you with information that you are now ready to use to benefit from. When you realise something you are in the throes of understanding.

This above all: to thine own self be true.

Every living organism is fulfilled when it follows the right path for its own nature. ~Marcus Aurelius

Today I was teaching a class and mid lesson as I spoke about the importance of adhering to the agreed scope of ones job role. My intuition jumped out at me. I felt this intense but fulfilling serenity descend over me. I honestly don’t give myself enough credit for having the worlds greatest poker face!

I was teaching the students that it was important to adhere to the scope of their job role because it ensures that they meet their responsibilities, their legal obligations. It is important so they don’t commit to work beyond it. Important so that they do not end up overextending themselves, unless from their own volition which is really use of intiative.

I told them adhering to the scope of their job role cultivates deeper understanding of boundaries, theirs and those of others. How in turn that maintains respect in the workplace and replenishes and decorates the quality of their  professionalism. Lastly how it teaches and safeguards the concept of true accountability because they would have a solid reference point to evaluate themselves through and from.

Example your boss gives you feed back that states you are not doing enough. When you adhere to the scope of your job role and you have conscience awareness that you did just that. You are in a good position to discern that your boss is being unfair. That he/she has expectations of you beyond your pay etc

Likewise when you know deep down that you haven’t been adhering to the scope of your job role. That you have been winging it or slacking here there. You are able to embrace your bosses assessment, take the criticism and appreciate that you are being given an opportunity to turn things around.

It was at this point my intuition highlighted how everything I was saying applied to the nurturing of our very own soul.

What if your job role in this world was to self actualise?. What if the scope of this job consisted of you meeting with out hindrance (your own or that of others) the obligations that come with self actualisation i.e standing in unconditional self love and acceptance. What if reaching a state of wholeness was your job role.

I thought about this on the way home especially the accountability part. We live in times where existential crisis is on the rise. People knowingly or unknowingly test the boundaries of others. Triggers galore, shame and guilt shackle most.

An individuals inner authority isn’t something that is tapped into as a default. Doubt or fear or a combination of both, interrupt the flow. People are not present in the now, they either have a foot in the past (grief) or a foot in the future (anxiety) distracting them from harmony that can be harnessed now.

We end up consumed by deadlines and to do lists. Consumed by meeting the needs of loved ones even at the expense of our own needs. Consumed by desires we feel are out of reach. Time to ones own self is seen as idle, time allotted to outside of ones self productive. A lot is on ones plate because they are not adhering to the scope of their job role alone.

They have over extended and over committed themselves. They have censored or abandoned themselves.  In this high paced life where people march like cattle surviving not thriving. Boundaries whether violated or not, isn’t something that can be processed adequately, because to process effectively stillness/awareness is required. When you just do you can’t receive, you are on the run with 21 seconds to go.

So not only are your own boundaries crossed unnoticeably, even if you feel it, but you can not recognise how & when you are infringing on those of others, even if you feel that too. Recognition requires conscious awareness, feelings can’t be deciphered without it so they unfortunately end up a moot point.

Result of this is we end up repelling each other (respect isn’t maintained) and professionalism is what…. if not symbolic in this topic for our humaneness. Our humanness that isn’t replenished, because it isn’t on display, it isn’t benefited from so what’s there to ‘decorate’

When we adhere to the scope of our job (reaching wholeness) we have lines drawn. You know what you have to do. Even if you are lost you know acceptance of that is part of the scope of your job too. To surrender to what is instead of fixating on what could be or what isn’t. Your ‘location’ is recognised on the sat nav directing to your wholeness. Reach your destination organically through divine timing.

I think a lot of the pain we suffer especially in regards to shame or burdens we shoulder. Is because we are not, in such moments aligned with our individual roles. Focus becomes scattered when it’s insisted on making an appearance in dual and polarised situations.

You take on too much, or too little, you over extend or under commit. You can’t hold your self accountable efficiently because you have no base to spring from. You therefore either accept responsibility for what’s not yours or fail to take responsibility for what is.

Not adhering to the scope of your job is the mother of all chaos. Chaos you attract to your life and chaos you bring to others.

Order can not come from disorder so when we feel imbalanced or worn down I think introspection in regards to how we step or stepped outside of ourselves is of utmost importance.

When we do this we are in a good position to pinpoint a problem from a soul space. An intention for correction is thereafter cultivated organically. You find harmony in the midst of chaos because you manage to get yourself back in lane and you also manage to see how others are in your lane. What you see you can approach, what you are blind to you cannot.

I’m only ever truly content when I adhere to the scope of my job because I feel connected with that, I flow through it. When I pause to reflect upon the why’s behind why im content even if others are not, I get to check in and reinforce my values and standards.

Adhering to the scope of your job is simply to do your part, you aid the collective in goodness when you do, it’s the only and best thing you can do because in hindsight you have control over yourself. Struggle is a domino effect when we don’t adhere to the scope of our jobs. It tastes like food with out salt. I personally feel like goldilocks looking for that right porridge. When the only way to make it just right, is if you make it yourself. You can not when you get out of your own lane. You can not when you are not adhering to the scope of your own job, and you may not yet understand, what it is because…

Our goals are not achieved if all our energy given to us to achieve the goal and self-actualization is directed towards being accepted by our surroundings and to meet their requirements ~Sunday Adelaja

Intimacy🔓Into me see

See my innocence when I’m guilty, my love when I’m angry. My fullness when I’m empty. My worth when I feel dejected. 

See my patience for what it is, love and endurance that honours your needs.

Can you see my vulnerability when I’m militant. My tender heart when it’s firm & principled. 

Miss me when im there and love me in my absence.

Can you hear the things I do not say and  understand the things I did share. 

Can you see my hope amidst my doubts & my courage amidst my fears.

Can you grasp the whys that make up my life & can you see your future in my eyes.

Intimacy happens when you connect with all of me. Intimacy is the language of my heart. I’m greater than the sum of my parts, I know…because into me I looked and I saw…that I am whole.

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That someone understands intimacy

Internalised Untruths

Emotional abuse has many faces, you’ll miss it most when it’s your own.

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It happens quickly, what’s unfortunate is the domino effect that follows. Thoughts are a vibration so they get met with an emotion upon coming into ‘existence’. When the inner critic re affirms a negative belief you unconsciously hold to be true about yourself. The emotion that meets it, usually grief sadness, shame, guilt or unease. Is enough to paralyse a person into a state of dejection.

Had anyone else said what your own mind said to you about you. You would not remain in their company. It’s emotional abuse pure but not simple. What doesn’t make it simple is the inclination to believe it. Most people identify with their thoughts. They think it’s what they think because they thought it. This is particularly dangerous when it comes to taking the words of the inner critic without question, because those untruths that  it relentlessly shares with you, originated from you.

Thoughts are recycled information from past experiences, with no real base connection to truth always. The mind throws it out most of the time just because, and sometimes because it is what it stored and acknowledged as relevant through previous experience. The intent of the mind is to provide what it has stored, so that you may calibrate it in correlation to the present issue. The mind therefore is meeting its primary function of assisting you to navigate the what is. What’s wrong isn’t what the mind does but what it is given to work with in the first place. This is why it’s said the mind can be re programmed.

The evolution of self from ego to soul space can   not happen successfully without the mind being re trained. It is re trained every time you alter the way you experience what causes you harm. The mind doesn’t discriminate with the information it stores. The more you come from a heart space that resonates with what’s true, the more the mind acknowledges this phenomena and stores its ‘new’ findings. So the next time you experience something pulling you into the low vibrational state of dejection the mind will throw out what it thinks is relevant what it thinks can be calibrated to achieve results that serve your highest good. Your highest good is served when the mind  works in tandem with the heart not in opposition to it.  This team work has the soul at the forefront so harmony is created in the place of imbalance.

Ive seen many types of emotional abuse, but the worst  I’ve ever witnessed because it had  no consequence, even the bare minimum of it being seen for what it is. Is the kind of emotional abuse we subject ourselves to. The kind that comes out of our own mouths against  ourselves. Even if it doesn’t reach the mouth and remains a thought in the head. There is still commitment to it. It is believed, it receives attentive, active listening and so it wounds, erodes ans ultimately destroys.

A persons Self esteem is at the mercy of what they do with their own thoughts.

The inner critic or the inner bully only has power to cause harm through ones thoughts because the abuse it spouts is already believed.   The inner critic doesn’t create untruths to emotionally abuse with. It re affirms untruths that are already internalised to be true.

These untruths spoken by our own minds cause worse harm than words spouted by others.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt”  Whoever originally said this was not talking about the inner bully that lives rent free in ones psyche.

Most people have a tendency to call out and usually confront a foul uttered by others. In some cases they even dissect and dismantle the untruth for what it is. This happens based on the feelings felt on account of harmful statements they are subjected to, as being the fault of the other. The logic is the other person is responsible for the negative emotions I am experiencing. ( hence the reaction the abuser receives.)

When the abuser is yourself however, this process  is halted by shame. The untruth is internalised not challenged or confronted or even projected.

The battle within will always be the hardest battle one faces. It is no easy feat by any measure, but it is worth the turmoil if in the process you discover the root of the untruths you’ve internalised. Healing begins as the falsehood that keeps a wound alive dissolves and it dissolves as you begin to look at what you believe and why.

I find looking at the voice of the inner bully/critic as a teacher pointing out a untruth helps greatly. It may have come to re affirm an untruth but through awareness of what it is and what it does, you are in a position to receive, being receptive is a position of power because it connects you back to your only true sense of control, self control. You can choose how to receive the inner critics effort  to harm.  By re defining its presence as a teacher that came to expose an untruth you have internalised as true.

Seeing the voice of the inner bully as clues to untruths you’ve internalised to be true. Can help with growth and healing. When you are present you are in your soul space and your soul isn’t affected by the voice of the inner bully as the soul is motivated towards wholeness because it is created whole.

What came to cause harm can be transmuted into what helps if you precieve what is, from a soul space. If you observe you can feel and when you feel you receive soul perception.

“Actions are powerful, but it’s important to acknowledge so are the emotions. Emotional abuse can be the most painful thing a person can endure. Because it’s abuse of your soul & mind” ~ La Tasha Braxton

It’s abuse of your soul because the untruths of the inner critic attempts to shackle and erase your souls potential by insisiting on the reality that entraps it.  It’s abuse of the mind because it halts it from its original pure function of being of assistance to the soul. Its natural to have a tendency to check what’s outside of us, but not what’s within. Emotional abuse  has many faces, don’t miss it when it’s your own.

 

Crestfallen or Equanimous

The relationship you have with yourself is the one you will have with others. People enter your life as confirmation of how you are with yourself inside. They compliment both your light and dark nature. They reflect both your conscious and unconscious activity. It’s important to pay attention to those who come to highlight the latter. They are there through divine wisdom as an opportunity for you to integrate parts of yourself. It’s important to pay attention to the negative experiences you have because ignoring it only exacerbates the intensity of the lesson when it returns for its next stint, and return it will…

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On a human level we are all the same. Susceptible to dislike for discomfort, unease or pain. Its these emotions that require our attention through awareness and diligence in focus. Yet we meet them with dejection and eventually remove ourselves from experiencing them all together.

It’s this supression of emotions that lead to never ending loops and cycles that reflect and bring the same problems back. The subconscious mind obeys us when we say we don’t want to deal with this or that. It takes this or that and files it somewhere. There is no shredding or deletion just files stacked in a room named the unconscious. Files that require opening because in the midst of the unconscious lies ones authentic self.

Emotions when experienced and allowed to flow lead to feelings that unravel the messages our souls want us to receive. Messages that carry information regarding our true self.

Often we find intuition asking us to take a closer look at the things that upset us, captivate us negatively and catapult us away from the present moment. Intuition being the the seat of the soul, directs motivated towards our wholeness.  Without listening to it, and further suppressing our feelings we remain stuck in the very situations that bring about the emotions we will, to shove away and not experience.

Life is strange but predictable like that, until you learn the lesson the circumstances surrounding it will continue to come back. However much the people, the actual situation, date, or even year may change.

Standing in ones power is best observed every time you exercise the awareness that the buck starts and ends with you.

Why is this happening? Serves us best when followed by what is it trying to show me? What it shows is what it’s teaching.

I’ve always wondered about those two questions. Even if my initial reaction was to get lost in the story, I found myself returning to those two valleys. Sometimes I didn’t get the answers I needed in order to receive the lesson. But it was sufficient that I asked those questions. Sometimes asking those questions was the lesson. In any case wondering about the right things eventually leads you to the paths where Allah provides the answers.

These type of journeys don’t require suffering as a passenger. Suffering happens when you resist what is, when you exit the present moment.

The next time you feel discomfort, unease or pain, pause for the cause that is the emergence of your true self. Pause and allow yourself to experience those emotions fully, because through the experience they transform themselves and when they transform you receive guidance.

Crestfallen is the result when you think life is what happens to you. Equanimity is the result when you believe it happens for you.

 

Sense of self

Boundaries are more than what you won’t do, more than where you stop and others begin. It’s your sense of self.

When I tell you I don’t like something, I’m sharing with you my values that stem from my heart, that determined the why. When I tell or show you what I like, I’m sharing with you my desires. In both instances I give you a sense of myself

I find looking at boundaries this way reflects its importance more profoundly. It becomes more than what feels like a sense of rules akin to what others should do or shouldn’t do. It lightens the burden I associate with responsibility, when it comes to enforcing boundaries. It connects me to a lens of looking inward and not outward.

It connects to my conscience where,  when a boundary is crossed asks the vital question… “does this person know who you are?

(I’ll let you know)

The only real conflict you will ever have in your life won’t be with others, but with yourself.~ Shannon L Alder

Boundaries are difficult for most because it’s not really acknowledged that the real conflict is waged by our own soul. It isn’t down with a lack of or no boundaries having reality that we subject it to. Via blind spots that stop us from even acknowledging  that, that is what we do. Nothing speaks Louder than ones own conscience. The souls language of approval is inner peace.

I couldn’t connect with the importance of my own boundaries as much as I can now, because I am the most undisciplined person I know at times. So the mental connection I made from a heart space with boundaries not being about rules, made the world of difference.

Boundaries for me, is about my sense of self being comfortably asserted. Understanding it this way separates me from being upset or even disturbed when a boundary is crossed. I wonder now how much of me, they actually know. How much of me have I truly let them experience?

If the answer is not much I personally think, one has no just right to be pissed. You only feel a boundary is crossed because your souls connected to your emotional body, to your heart and intuition therefore acknowledging things before your persona self. So that feeling isn’t proof of others crossing a boundary because of lack of consideration or regard for and of you. It’s guidance pulling you to become aware, that you haven’t established, or need to re establish a sense of self here and over there.

If one knows you but still crosses a boundary then that feeling is calling for you to share another part of your self. The part that removes Itself from such people.

Boundaries are about sharing who you are and it continues as required, that’s the re-enforcement part of it. You are re enforcing the point of sharing your sense of self as needed at any given time or place.

The extent to which we do that is the crux of preserving our wellbeing.