Boundaries are more than what you won’t do, more than where you stop and others begin. It’s your sense of self.
When I tell you I don’t like something, I’m sharing with you my values that stem from my heart, that determined the why. When I tell or show you what I like, I’m sharing with you my desires. In both instances I give you a sense of myself
I find looking at boundaries this way reflects its importance more profoundly. It becomes more than what feels like a sense of rules akin to what others should do or shouldn’t do. It lightens the burden I associate with responsibility, when it comes to enforcing boundaries. It connects me to a lens of looking inward and not outward.
It connects to my conscience where, when a boundary is crossed asks the vital question… “does this person know who you are?”
(I’ll let you know)
The only real conflict you will ever have in your life won’t be with others, but with yourself.~ Shannon L Alder
Boundaries are difficult for most because it’s not really acknowledged that the real conflict is waged by our own soul. It isn’t down with a lack of or no boundaries having reality that we subject it to. Via blind spots that stop us from even acknowledging that, that is what we do. Nothing speaks Louder than ones own conscience. The souls language of approval is inner peace.
I couldn’t connect with the importance of my own boundaries as much as I can now, because I am the most undisciplined person I know at times. So the mental connection I made from a heart space with boundaries not being about rules, made the world of difference.
Boundaries for me, is about my sense of self being comfortably asserted. Understanding it this way separates me from being upset or even disturbed when a boundary is crossed. I wonder now how much of me, they actually know. How much of me have I truly let them experience?
If the answer is not much I personally think, one has no just right to be pissed. You only feel a boundary is crossed because your souls connected to your emotional body, to your heart and intuition therefore acknowledging things before your persona self. So that feeling isn’t proof of others crossing a boundary because of lack of consideration or regard for and of you. It’s guidance pulling you to become aware, that you haven’t established, or need to re establish a sense of self here and over there.
If one knows you but still crosses a boundary then that feeling is calling for you to share another part of your self. The part that removes Itself from such people.
Boundaries are about sharing who you are and it continues as required, that’s the re-enforcement part of it. You are re enforcing the point of sharing your sense of self as needed at any given time or place.
The extent to which we do that is the crux of preserving our wellbeing.