There is a way to protect ones heart, without inflicting blame on it for what it was subjected to of harms. That way, first requires awareness of the blame you inflicted on your heart. .
Our hearts are a special part of us that exist within. A loving organ that needs to be preserved as it is, for what it is. Perhaps my blame wound in life was rooted in my blaming my heart. Blame that made me feel I needed to protect it. Sometimes through protection we do harm. Through preservation we can serve & save.
I’ve never been someone who asked Allah ‘why’ things happened or were the way they were, as I went through it. I resonated more with understanding that some day it would make sense. Life for me has mostly been complex. Example, through the understanding I hated having (as it connected to the things I blamed my heart for) I’ve also benefited from knowing who Allah is.
If the heart is an organ of love then the spirit is a vessel that receives. Through the shrapnels of my blame bomb my heart was subjected to by me, It was able to love Allah freely without shame. My soul received him (no blame was ushered out). I understood him even in the things I didn’t understand that happened because I have unwavering trust in his mercy and justice, he is infallible. So understanding all that relates to why someday I might understand, what I didn’t in a moment was understanding in and of itself. As the heart loves Allah the soul receives him.
If you have a soul that receives you have a heart that loves. I blamed mine nonsensically, yet he kept it alive through his love & mercy. My vulnerability wasn’t blocked from him because my soul received him unconditionally.
The soul receives what’s true and whatever of good we do is from him. I’ve struggled the most in accepting the things my soul recieved that I couldn’t understand in a moment for why it did or would in consideration of many things. A struggle that makes sense if you had lessons surrounding trust & self trust. A battle within I don’t expect others to understand.
In a world where peoples hearts are accepted as collateral damage for myriad of reasons. One can turn on their own albeit unconsciously, because it doesn’t allow them to do the same. It’s ironic, because you’ve effectively made your own heart collateral damage through shame & blame.
La Ilaha Illa Anta Subhanaka Inni Kuntu Minazzalimeen (“…There is none worthy of worship besides You. Glorified are You. Surely I am from the wrongdoers.” (21:87)
I’ve always connected deeply to this dua of Nabi yunis (a/s) from how he left his people due to no hope in them, from what they displayed and how he ended up in the belly of the whale and what he said in his prayer whilst in there.
This is a dua that when I say, I can feel my heart expand and as it expands I choke up and cry, due to the gush of healing like feelings I would be made to feel inside.
You can only connect the dots when you look back and I feel the reason behind my attachment to that dua, was because of the wrongs I’ve perpetrated against my own heart. (The blame)
May Allah forgive us for the things we subject our own souls to. You will always attract into your life all the events and matters required for you to awaken. Awaken to all that you need to, that serves your highest good.
A loving heart is the truest wisdom and wisdom will come across ignorance. In order to confront it, stand as a contrast to it and help heal it. Don’t turn on your loving heart and blame it for any ignorance or lack it encounters or that you’ve experienced. It needs you to preserve it not attack through blame, as doing that is a form of rejection. Rejection for being exactly how Allah created it to be. Through self compassion you discern not just the true nature of your loving heart, but also those that exist in others.