Grace & Gratitude


There is something about seeing the manifestation of something, that was once the source of a reoccuring doubt and anguish with many faces. There is something about this happening that has left  me feeling deep awe and gratitude alhamdulilaah.

I realise as I looked on intuition pointing out “there is the fruit of your hope”

Hope feeling like a tangible thing waving at me. There it was in the moment, asserting its presence amongst this manifested thing, so that I’ll remember…

Remember the nights I cried as my ego told me so many lies. Remember the strains I felt as vulnerability led me into surrender. Remember the subtle ways Allah guided, so that I’ll be of those who are given hope as fuel, lest my heart was ripped asunder.

There is something about seeing such a blessing when you least expect it, that spurs you to go on. Something about Sky not being the limit that replenishes your hope.

Confidence increases when you realise all you have to ever do, all that is ever required of you, is to love your self unconditionally. The rest is Allah’s plan, weaved by his mighty, just and merciful hand. A plan that is for YOU not against you.

The things you doubted you would see you will inshallah, and in ways you never thought you would. Trust in him for the timing is also part of the gift You can only connect the dots when you look back.

Allah’s grace has a purpose that  is to free you so that you be grateful. A gift from him that  assists you in obtaining another gift (gratitude).  The latter strangely is a gift that increases the possibility of you receiving even more gifts when you embody it. He is truly al ghani rich & free from all needs.

Remain steadfast in your hope and faith.  Especially when at cross roads that come up against it. Choose through unconditional self love not fear, the former is a weapon wielded by your soul preserving wholeness. The latter  is a soldier doing egos bidding, so you remain a hostage.





Qalaa Salama

There is peace in self trust because it stabilises. Peace in being self assured because it acts as a fortress. A fortress that keeps at bay all what’s not yours.

There is peace in these things when not the by product of arrogance or delusion.

Inner peace is the foundation of such self trust and self assurance. It’s grace from Allah who is a witness to the routes one took to arrive at its destination. Routes often denied by others because they didn’t witness it. Routes consisting of empathy, god consciousness, patience and integrity.

Self trust frees you from judging others because they judged you, or are prone to judge you.

“Qalaa Salama” Is an attribute of the believer because it’s deep rooted in Self trust.

Self Mastery


“(by) the self and what proportioned it and inspired it with depravity or piety. He who purifies it has succeeded, he who covers it up has failed.” (Quran 91:7-10)

Self mastery is the path that leads to purification from ego (false self) influence. A path that leads to fulfilment (which is the real success) because through it you self actualise and live comfortably from a soul space that accommodates your natural disposition, your flow and harmony.

Self mastery assists purification because it’s a path that directs you to get to know and confront, then integrate back  with love and understanding, the instrinsic dark parts of your nature. Your nature that you subconsciously separated from and disowned so that life can be comfortable for others. The purification occurs, when you learn to get out of your own way &  you can only get out of it when you see how you are in it, in the first place.  I am not team no negativity, I am…why does this negativity exist? (Ego influence, blind spots etc) I care to know because I care to grow, to mature and ultimately understand myself.

For me piety in the above verse connects to what inspires me towards living through my soul space. Without being conscious of Allah when what feels like dark feelings arise, I wouldn’t receive guidance through his grace that illuminates things in ways I could receive, explore and discover.  Instead I would be engulfed with emotions that seem coated  with shame or guilt.  The  ego uses these feelings to deface your soul, it block its emergence because it spells its annihilation. It co opts the feelings to re assert itself and inadvertently with success of having done so, you yourself  insist on the realities that  your inner being/soul remains trapped in. A world concocted for your false self.

When these emotions of shame and guilt are covered up via resistance and not felt all the way through, through commitment to self, you don’t get to receive the guidance they carried. The messages they arised to share, and so it will come again another day, event, person, situation paving way for the lesson to be received.

You will never have a greater or lesser dominion than that over yourself…the height of a man’s success is gauged by his self-mastery; the depth of his failure by his self-abandonment. …And this law is the expression of eternal justice. ~Leonardo da Vinci

(Example) Imagine shackling your firmness because society deemed it unacceptable and showered instead praise on your empathetic nature.

What if you are both? Empathetic and firm

To establish justice for your soul you must first trust it. Self trust is what fuels you to push through despite any turmoil you experience or resistance you face when you show up as all of YOU.

One of the greatest things I could discover is the level of equanimity that comes with the provision guarded by my soul. Ive seen leaks of it in the past sure, in fact perhaps enough to not so long ago contemplate about it.

Why is the level of my equanimity a great thing for me to discover?

Because although I knew I had it through soul leaks what I’ve discovered now is the self trust block that kept me at bay from accessing it fully. I didn’t know there were levels to this ish within me.

When something isn’t accessed fully, then you’ve only been made privy to certain levels of it.

I don’t believe we can ever establish justice for our soul, at the most it’s a journey of self love we embark on with the intention to. At the least its an intention that stagnates and doesn’t come into fruition because we didnt do the work required to self actualise. 

Committing to mastering the self is therefore put simply committing to establishing justice for your soul.

Its about committing to not just over coming a fear by going through it or simply transmuting things you feel/experience. But rather getting to know that part of you that met that fear and that part of you that felt what’s  in your highest good so chose to transcend the past and transmute the fears into love. It’s about merging these parts that are your inner child and the adult you. 

Trying to over come or rushing to transmute is to take a short cut based on established collective understanding of what’s good for you. Or simply just what’s good.

It separates you from self trust because your personal way understood by your soul, is contradicted by a well trodden path that’s vouched for. By societal frameworks concocted through values and principles you didn’t even get to have any input on.

Aligning with self trust would therefore often pit you against what’s conventional. Although that has never been an issue for me (I always felt pride in being unconventional in my own way especially when reflected back to me by my mirror soul)  what’s important to know is, total alignment with self trust requires immense patience and courage. 

Patience to accept what is, to trust yourself to stand in your truth even if it threatens your false self created by ego and how it’s percieved by the world that welcomes it. Courage to pause when you witness the threat trying to hijack the space where you intended to show up with your truth.  Courage that uses the pause to reflect and proceeds to face the fear head on.

If you confront what agonises or attempts to intimidate then you are courageous.

Patience and courage thus are key players in maintaining self trust which maintaining your sense of self. Without them you wouldn’t trust yourself to walk with hope or faith cultivated in you by Allah. In order to provide his help and mercy for you on this path. Faith  in trusting  things unfold according to divine will is paramount. Through  divine will you are never erased but on the contrary considered and protected.

One of the biggest reasons people struggle with self trust, is due to second guessing themselves in case they get or do something or someone wrong.

This is a struggle because often people who care for the above were denied the experience of normalcy in making a mistake.

Self mastery is the result of an evolution, that takes one from navigating through the clutches of ego to reaching a place of living directed by ones soul.

A place that requires a shift in the care that results through lack of self trust.  To care that is now aligned with self trust.

This is a major pillar of ones soul structure, the shift of care now aligned with self trust means you navigate through unconditional self love.

You unconditionally maintain love for yourself even if a decision you made turned out to be wrong or worse ended up doing another wrong.

I think it was my separation from that,  that had me attract into my life people that would reflect this very issue back to me.

Some of the greatest lessons we learn,  bear the greatest rewards not just because the pain behind it might have been great. But because of the blessing sealed in the reward.

The gift of self trust is worth turmoil. There is also something poetic about getting it back through the same thing that “took” it.

Self mastery is the key that opens a gate Allah provided as grace. For all those committed to knowing their true essence come what may. It is a gate that upon opening not only leads to your natural disposition, but it ensures you know what you have accessed contains your full potential.

Self mastery is therefore not only necessary, but thee path itself, if self actualisation is the goal. Only through the path of self mastery can you find,  recognise and be able to use your potential in ways that fulfil you and others. That is what it means to have self actualised.

You live and manifest in peace through self mastery. The world begins to reflect back to you what assists your wholeness not what confirms the egos narrative. Because you no longer tread paths that deter you from love of self but rather walk paths that align with self love. So even if in some situations the world reflects back to you some form of ignorance.

It’s Qalaa salama!

This world isn’t free from ignorance after all, that’s only in paradise. So Allah will always check one set of people by means of another. It’s how he maintains vibrational balance  in this world.

Mastering yourself doesn’t mean you manage to get to categorically avoid BS. It just means you do not become entangled with or engulfed by its effect.

Through thorough familiarity with your mental and emotional strengths. You acquire discipline that conquers your nafs.

Self-mastery is the challenge of transforming yourself from own worst enemy into your greatest ally.”  ~ Wes Fesler

When you are your greatest ally you make decisions stamped through self trust that support what’s in your highest good. You journey towards fulfilment by acknowledging your truths.

When the energies  in a present moment are really intense, in connecting the dots as you look back you will understand why.

Intense energies are paving way for immense blessings.  Trust your soul that trusts the process, not the ego that feels victimised by it.




Entrance of the False self

How can you spot where you’ve set up a false self? How do you know where remnants of its existence, still make an appearance in your life?

By looking closely at the things  you fear negativity can be attached to.  Those aren’t your fears, it’s your false selves.  That fear is an indication of where a false self version of you is making an appearance in a present moment.

The fear in the above mentioned context  is a sign of the carbon monoxide your false self is breathing out. If your soul isn’t breathing in a moment, your false self is. They can not both take oxygen simultaneously (metaphorically speaking)

Remove a false self layer by acknowledging  how you feel. Especially acknowledge & state  how you feel when a fear arises of you being perceived as negative because of it.  Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter in the grand scheme of things don’t mind. 

Peoples intent are not your business, that is a matter in the jurisdiction of Allah. What is your business is the effect.

Allow your feelings to point out to you where a boundary is crossed. To stifle how you feel because it would be judged as being negative. Is to allow a false version of you to appear that gives no significance to a violated boundary. When a boundary is violated it is you who is summoned to know first not the one doing it.

In that moment you go one of two ways, self abandonment or self love. Choose self love, No one can  warp your reality or disable your truth but you.

Sometimes it takes a long time for one to see just how much they’ve  violated their own boundaries. How much they’ve  abandoned themselves. Because that false self version is in the way, perpetuating the very blind spots that ensure their self abandonment and poor boundaries persist. 

I have a false self present when I tip toe around someone’s feelings. I then feel angry when I see my own is shown no consideration. These people only reflect back what you do to yourself. 

Anger isn’t negativity it’s an emotion highlighting self abandonment or lack of boundary, Sometimes both.

Ironically what your false self feared about being judged as negative, and what your true self leaks by way of anger that communicates you are out of alignment, in the end may get the same label of being negative put on them. Some people often need an exit to avoid responsibility. They sometimes have no qualms about taking one that blames you.

If you stay true to yourself and in alignment with speaking your truth. Your soul doesnt get the same wrap as your false self. And even if it does your soul remains composed as it is aligned with self trust.

In embracing your shadow you find strength through your unconditional self love because you’ve aligned it with unconditional self acceptance.

In assuming your firm side is harmful you fragment yourself.

You are not a buffet presented  to be nit picked from, you are a 3 course meal meant to be digested  with acceptance and love.

Do it first yourself.









I prefer Naomi Campbell to Tyra banks. I think there is something menacing about Oprah that hides in plain sight. I like custard creams in my cornflakes. Desert before my main course, Love over wealth…
My home more than yours.
I find joy in the simple things, like walking the path to self mastery. Cringe at those who bond through gossip. I am an eagle in how I see things. I scan horizons for what serves me & in the process swerve past your business.

I exist outside the brackets, in it my essence is missed. I grew up with limited consideration given to me. It’s the down side of being presumed to be self sufficient. I find peace in travelling, even when at home, I travel within.

The most beautiful thing in people to me are their eyes before their smiles. The former reveal their souls,the latter sometimes beguiles.

I never support the egos of those I love. Some love me for it, some misunderstand me because of it. Thus in life sometimes I’m seen as the villain but in death probably elevated to heroine…

Rewind Forward ~

Only through shock that pierces and makes your heart bleed can you find yourself with ripe vulnerability .

The kind Allah awaits for you to turn to him with.

Only through the depths of your pain can you find the home you abandoned.

Only through courage and stillness can you discover the subtle cause behind all of your wounds. The common denominator, the thread that tys them all together.

It’s so subtle it’s unbelievable
The euphoria you experience, as Allah unties the redundant thread, untied because you now consciously know…is a grace, true divine grace.

In the end people don’t remember what was done nor what was said. Just simply how they were made to feel.

The severest of all your feelings, guide you to the wounded heart of your inner child.

Sometimes all that you are feeling, is simply divine will leading you home. The darker it gets the closer you are. Don’t look for a light at the end of the tunnel. The darker the path the closer you get.

The wounded heart of my inner child had embedded in it shrapnel of grief and disappointment; due to lack of consideration shown to it.

For every shrapnel she attached a belief to, I as an adult now transmute.

For every lack of consideration she has experienced, i as an adult now consider her every need, even the mundane as ordained through the lens of unconditional self love.

I transmute, because she isn’t a victim anymore.

She is a victor, saved by herself.

Love on the Battlefield

Re discover the parts of yourself that have been lost or submerged underneath the practical concerns of life. Practicality is about survival for most, so what’s more practically essential than care and nurture for your soul?

Forget about everything, everyting isn’t in your jurisdiction to sort or control. Your wellbeing however is.

Every where I turn since this weekend and beginning of this new week, I’ve been seeing synchronicities connected to people swimming in currents of either despair or melancholy.

There are a lot of changes up in the air, a lot of outward and inner transitions occurring. But what I find beautiful is how I felt hope and peace for all these people presented in the above synchronicity.

I saw hope and felt peace for them and I can’t explain why that is.

It’s as though I could feel something about their personal circumstances that evoked it in me.

I think love is a powerful thing to give to others when they are in the throes of anxiety and sadness.

Love is the only thing that can impart to them what your eyes see of peace and precieve of goodness, that they aren’t seeing in the moment. Only through love can you give others the gift of relief.

Reported by Abu Hurairah (RA)The Prophet (scw) said, “He who removes from a believer one of his difficulties of this world, Allah will remove one of his troubles on the Day of Resurrection; and he who finds relief for a hard-pressed person, Allah will make things easy for him on the Day of Resurrection.”

I’ve always had a special soul connection to this Hadith. I’ve realised now why, my personal deeds obligation wise are abysmal
to say the least. But through the risq in my heart, I hope Allah makes me of those people. It’s the only crutch I can aim for while the struggle in stability regarding my obligations continue.

I find peace in knowing I won’t enter paradise through my deeds but rather his mercy. So is it any wonder I love mercy more than anything in the world. Perhaps second to the cause I love effect of relief it brings to me and others.

Mercy is how I love to receive love and give it. I’m not sure I’ve always understood that mercy is my language of love.

There is nothing greater than having people stand up on yowmul qiyaama bearing witness you aided them in a time of need.

To aid a believer whether by word or deed is to have Allah use you as a means to impart his mercy. It is the opposite of shaytan using you to help dispatch difficulty.

Seeing myself grounded, as anxiety washed over those aforementioned people. I felt a re connection to the desires of my soul.

I thought things akin to, how can the devil take my brother if his close to me.

More importantly I saw my position In this world clearly. The reasons behind all that I’ve personally been through. The wisdom behind the depths Allah willed to cultivate in me.

It is so that I fulfil my destiny.

To help those hijacked by the egoic mind. To be cathartic in the face of their grief, disorder or anxiety.

To be relatable as I help them see, that just like I once said “I don’t have the strength to go on” and found out I was categrocially wrong, so will they inshallah.

Equivocal attitudes are signs the rope is about to snap.

Allah taught me his help is always near when the rope is about to snap. This is why In my true nature I feel grounded in the face of someone else’s pain, I find solace in knowing Allah’s help for them
is so so near.

Iblis exhausts himself in trying to remove or tarnish the lifeline of hope in people. I find personal fulfilment in derailing his efforts.

If you feel grounded see it as a blessing and pass it forward. Use the mercy Allah bestowed upon you in practical ways, emulate what you learnt from him for he is the best of those who give mercy.

Be those who show up with love on the battlefield, even if it isn’t your fight. Don’t forget the ones you fought barely holding on.

“None of you can truly believe until you want for others what you want for yourself” prophet Muhammad scw

Ive always wanted to be understood and protected. When Allah fulfilled that need all I want now is to be someone he uses to impart understanding and protection for others.