…To allow resistance to persist is ingratitude.
I’ve had a different relationship with my feelings in the recent past, that didn’t extend much past understanding its purpose and committing to being open to all that it entails. Understanding the purpose behind my feelings has been something I’ve been nurturing for the most part of the past year.
My new relationship with my emotions was born this month. It came through embodying that aforementioned understanding consciously and respectfully from a soul space. It came through being granted the gift and blessing of self trust, that firmly said It is only me, who has authority to define, dress and claim what my feelings are factually. Because my feelings are real and the bedrock of my reality.
Others can make suggestions about it that can be considered, but aside from Allah, you are the only one who actually knows what’s true about you or for you and what’s not.
That shift was huge for me and the turmoil behind it all set pace for many realisations that led to much growth in areas I didn’t consider much (I had my reasons)
My balance during that shift was strengthened through witnessing seeds of hope I planted elsewhere. It’s manifestation reinforced my courage to trust myself, because it was the last thing I acted through, before witnessing all that I did in the past week concerning my mirror soul.
My Self trust didnt have to = risk of disapointment or destruction. (Although for the longest time it unconsciously did)
What my self trust = to is my autonomy (full stop) whatever that results in good or bad, at least was led or chosen by me for reasons I can be proud of any other time. Even if it didn’t produce what I intended that time!
Self trust accompanied by unconditional self love is a must. It would be stabbed with shrapnel of doubt without it. Which is what leads to unconscious self abandonment.
If you ever have a problem with connecting to your emotions, a dislike for being misconstrued or not understood. Then there is a broken heart at the root of it, where your truth or narrative was hijacked or got contaminated with what wasn’t from it in a authoritative manner, at some point in your life.
The problem with not connecting to your emotions leads to being detached from it, because unconsciously you blamed your feelings for the shame you felt because the logic is, your feelings led to you expressing what ever you felt was shamed or saw was shamed. The feelings are what led you down a path that didn’t reward your effort in the way you had hoped.
So you dislike being misconstrued because it’s a reminder that pokes the wound.
You fear not being understood because it’s the stage before being misconstrued.
It’s a chain connect, its all intwined because during the birth of the wound, the impact was great. You felt diminished by what ever the circumstance was. Even if you weren’t diminished, you felt that way so you became acquainted with powerlessness as a result in moment, perhaps to complicate it even more, you were confused by it all too. (It’s overwhelming especially for a child)
Whats astonishing is how the soul doesnt feel a need to defend, truth doesn’t need defence. The ego is what expands its structure to serve the wound through survival instead. (Expanded because unless it’s a core wound, it would make space for other huge ones too).
In any case the ego defends, not to stand up against the original cause of a wound so that you can transmute and heal. But rather so that you don’t become concious of it, you don’t experience it.
Those who say to heal a wound don’t poke it, speak through ego philosophy. To touch it or let it be touched & then to fully experience the emotions that arise. Is to find direction to your healing. Asking for it to not be poked assuming it would heal because poking is understood as risk of infection and tampering with no benefit achieved is to play yourself.
When you heal the original wound by experiencing it consciously as directed by your emotional body. All that’s connected to it dissolves. I feel for the most those disconnected from their emotions. They are from me as I was from them in many ways. (I believe growth is continuous there is always something new to learn)
Never the less the fact that I can say “was from” in relation to disconnection of emotions now, is in itself highly telling of how merciful kind and patient Allah has been with me alhamdulilaah.
To decree for us his grace, to reinforce us with patience as we come to recognise it, only for him to lead us to gratitude because of it. All so he can continue to increase us in blessings?
His mercy, I feel however I try to describe it, words can’t do it justice.
Part of gratitude is to allow transformation because the root behind his will, if he puts you on a path to self actualise is to achieve that.
Transformation from all that isnt of you back to all that is, your natural disposition that he fashioned and created whole.
Resistance wills to preserve the false self. So it meets Allah’s signs of grace & mercy with ingratitude.