The Heights..

Have you ever experienced a situation where you were going against something your heart knows is for you and so Allah granted you guidance through your intuition….. A guidance that resulted in contradictions of the mental narrative you were fleeing through?

This is the ego not co signing your hearts desire because it doesn’t trust it. It’s fleeing because the situation your soul is aligned with exposes it to discomforts it wishes to avoid.

The egos foundation is based on fear, it’s motive and life force is embedded in only one thing and that is survival.

A person brave enough to confront the internal conflict that arises as a result of Allah’s signs, that contradict the mental constraints of the ego they were engulfed in. Ends up in a valley where they know in their hearts, that their soul isnt co signing their fear based thoughts about matter for a reason.

And so through hope & faith they stop running and become still instead. Trusting in the point of que sera sera (what will be will be)

They recognise that in fleeing there is no inner peace and what is inner peace except the souls language of approval. The soul is always motivated in the direction of wholeness, of you being complete and so inner peace is its way of communicating that you are in alignment with that.

With that all said it must also be said, that this is just one side of the coin. The other side is what this post entry is really about.

What happens when through the egos will to survive one runs to a matter their soul isn’t aligned with?

The same internal conflict arises but in this case the intuition, the hunch is seen as a burden that threatens what is being pursued. The individual begins to compensate by becoming a servant to the external matter that plays a part in bringing the internal conflict into fruition. They cut themselves down to size. Sometimes even compromising their own dignity and directly affecting their wellbeing.

‘If I do this then this fear won’t occur’ ‘it’s just a crease in the affair that can be ironed out’
‘A complication, most things have them, I’ll be patient’

Shaytan infiltrates this person through the concept of benefit of the doubt, and through compromise. It dresses self bettayal like this because he relies on the exploitation of reason in persons mind.

Because to most these are good traits so why or how can it be a problem? It’s a problem because these traits are being summoned by the ego mind and not stemming from the individuals heart soul space.

This difference between the above examples where internal conflict exists is crucial.

When you flee from what your heart and soul co-sign simply because the external reality about matter scares the shit out of you. In ignoring the incongruence that comes from your chosen act of abandoning ship (fleeing), you betray yourself to serve your egos will to survive.

And When you stay despite your heart and soul not co signing matter you cling to, (and it isn’t co signed when your intuition goes against it) Then you remain to your own detriment.

This is self betrayal of the highest order. So self betrayal can occur in a matter whether you fled or stayed. The point is necessarily connected to the position you took, but more is determined by the influence behind it, because each situation is different.

If Listening to your intuition (heeding the signs Allah gives you directing you to a certain truth) is the policy. The procedure can at times be to stay and at times to flee and never look back. The procedure you adopt must be in alignment with the policy above…. if khayr and success is what’s hoped for.

Don’t ignore your hunches for true justice starts with being just with yourself.

Hunches/intuitions don’t come out from mid air for no reason. They are indicators assisting a truth that requires your attention.

When you are afraid to face it’s message and are quick to go in to a management position of your own feeling. Then you are erasing a part of you (that Hunch is a part of you)

Quite often, such hunches are dismissed because one can’t compartmentalise the hunch into a logical framework that helps them to decipher its meaning in the moment. To decipher in a way that supports their motive to continue the pursuit of external matter in question.

If the feeling can not be qualified by a fact then it’s easy to dismiss it. Especially more, when said feeling is going against a matter they wish to acquire, achieve or to manifest. Much to the approval of their ego that has ‘okayed’ this goal because it’s working in tandem to what it legislated as part of its comfort zone.

In cases like this the intuition (guidance from Allah in matter) is registered as a disturbance, it makes the person feel imbalanced and challenged about what it is that they want. What it is that they pursue. What their ego calls to is more comforting and so they make the choice to follow it. By the time the illusion is revealed it is often to late. This is the meaning in the ayah…

“Have you seen he who has taken as his god his [own] desire, and Allah has sent him astray due to knowledge and has set a seal upon his hearing and his heart and put over his vision a veil? So who will guide him after Allah ? Then will you not be reminded?” (Quran 45:23)

“Taken as his god his own desire” why does the Quran say this? Because through consideration of intuition (that came as divine guidance to direct to what’s in cohesion to persons highest good) the ego is sent into melt down because of the discomfort it perceives and so all of the individuals chosen actions, from that moment onwards, become infiltrated by the egos will to survive. The hunch is suppressed and the person continues on their chosen path.

These examples are the psychology behind doubts that are faced with courage and red flags that are ignored. The thin line that exists between the two, can only be fathomed from a heart & soul space.

Allah never abandons an individual, they are prone to abandon themselves through fear in both kinds of situations. They are always divinely assisted. And a sign of divine assistance is when the heart is not aligned to the matter thats pursued because through soul leaks, intuition is communicating and directing to something.

Allah guides through intuition, what many relate to as a “Hunch”

And it’s in these moments where we are meant to pause and reflect on why something is a amiss, why there is a mis alignment. Those true to themselves do, because the duality in them collapses due to the internal conflict that arose within.

As for those who suppressed the internal conflict through justifications that led to compensating their way through matter…

There are two verses in surah al ‘araf (Quran chapter the heights) that addresses their circumstance best.

“…And recite (O Muhammad pbuh) to them the story of him to whom we gave Our Ayaat (proofs, evidences and signs) but he threw them away, so Shaitaan followed him up, and he became of those who went astray.”

“And had We willed, We would surely have elevated him therewith but he clung to the earth and followed his own vain desire. So his description is the description of a dog: if you drive him away, he lolls his tongue out, or if you leave him alone, he (still) lolls his tongue out.

( Al-Acraaf 7:175-6)

Self betrayal begins when the signs of Allah about a matter are seen as burdens (and not a friend in deed) thus is acted against. “Thrown away”

It’s Seen as a burden because it threatens the egos version of stability. The above verses in surah “al ‘araf” are about those who fail to act on a truth revealed to them by Allah.

With the Quran being timeless in meaning, i think there is a synchronicity about these verses being in a chapter called the heights.

Background tafsir about this chapter highlights that al araf is a hill like mountain where the people stood on it, are suspended between the two worlds of paradise and hell. The synchronicity in relation to topic is in the profound truth that when the type of internal conflicts explained in this article arise, the individual is suspended between following their soul or ego.

A tug of war where truth is concerned will always have ego versus soul at either end of it.

“ Shaitaan followed him up, and he became of those who went astray.”

Upon turning away shaytan follows the person up through his ego fears and cements his chosen path for him by highlighting the fears that made him turn away in the first place. As previously stated the soul is motivated in the direction of wholeness. So shaytan following up is to ensure that this person doesn’t eventually turn back.

He reminds them of the ego fears that made him originally cling heavily to the earth (to chosen path) irrespective of the fact that they didn’t have inner peace about matter.
This person goes astray because he ran from the truth under the clutches of the ego that had a will to survive. and the sad part is if the individual was true to themselves Allah would have facilitated a path that honoured them.

“And had We willed, We would surely have elevated him therewith but he clung to the earth and followed his own vain desire”

Operating through the egos dictation leaves no space for one to be receptive to the help of Allah.

The soul leaves this space because it recognises Allah. The ego is formed through wounds and only recognises what it registers as protecting you from experiencing said wound. It runs the show that is ones life based on this blueprint of survival.

The ego is not something that can be amputated out, it is also a part of us that shouldn’t be vilified for its ways but rather made concious so it can be integrated back to its destined position, which is to assist the soul, not run ones life in its place.

The only expert on the ship is the human soul the part of us that is eternal and will never die. But most importantly the part of us motivated through wholeness, through truth.

When Allah gives us signs and shows us proofs of a matter we are meant to take heed, not cling heavily to the earth through ego based desires. The reward for those who take heed is elevation.

“his description is the description of a dog: if you drive him away, he lolls his tongue out, or if you leave him alone, he (still) lolls his tongue out”

And The consequence for those who don’t is humiliation. Individual is left at the mercy of the external reality that doesn’t take their wellbeing into consideration.
So whatever is done to them they remain shackled until they see and opt for a way out this time heeding the signs of Allah that came for them not against them.

And the promise of Allah has shown consistent truth for men and women of understanding, who prone to reflect and connect the dots looking back.

May he protect us from following our fear based ego desires. Allah has given us free will to choose. And our will carries with it an ability to manifest an entire reality.

The Storm


Then after the distress, He sent down security for you. Slumber overtook a party of you, while another party was thinking about themselves (as how to save their ownselves, ignoring the others and the Prophet Scw) and thought wrongly of Allâh – the thought of ignorance. They said, “Have we any part in the affair?” Say you (O Muhammad Scw): “Indeed the affair belongs wholly to Allâh.” They hide within themselves what they dare not reveal to you, saying: “If we had anything to do with the affair, none of us would have been killed here.” Say: “Even if you had remained in your homes, those for whom death was decreed would certainly have gone forth to the place of their death,” but that Allah might test what is in your breasts; and to purge that which was in your hearts and Allah is All­Knower of what is in (your) breasts”. (Quran chapter Aali Imran 3:154)

When we enter the storm of a situation, we delete the space Allah’s help is meant to reach us from. Getting entangled with a storm is effectively catering to its narrative and needs as opposed to catering for your own. Yours get lost in translation because you’ve abandoned your ship.

And you’ve abandoned ship because you see the storm as the ship that you need to control. It gets the majority of your action based attention. This is neglect and Consequently in maintaining this imbalance (this neglect) your wellbeing becomes affected and so your life stream ends up with a malfunctional version of your wellbeing present in it.

It’s a slippery slope…
Since all good luck really is, is your wellbeing being present in your life stream without it being made defective due to any imbalance.

Seeing the storm as the ship you need to control (that needs your attention) is a course of action the psyche supports, because it presents a fear based type of logic back peddled and ushered in by the egos intent to surive.

All you see is what’s required of you, the obstacles in its way and what it all means to you, about you and for you. Entering the storm therefore is metaphorical for thinking of ways to meet the requirements presented by a situation that supports your ego and not your soul. It’s a course of action that rests on the thought system, of if you meet the requirements deemed right (by ego) the obstacles connected to matter dissolve, that then results in a path being paved for you to obtain your inner peace (insert: what grants you Satisfaction).

(nice plan in writing but in execution & in principle it’s not)

See the maxim here is that stability comes after the distress. Man kind however instinctively act based on the wrong formula that tells them, for the distress to be gone first one must establish stability.

This mentality is how one invalidates their feelings by suppressing it, it is how they enter the storm. They enter because they have fallen into the clutches of their ego “establish safety”
is speaking the egos language.

How is this different to the stated truth above that stability/safety comes after distress?

Because through that door you made space for Allah. You didn’t let the distress suck you into the storm. You stayed on your ship witnessing the storm. Sakinah/ calmness/ stability and peace was given to you as a result during process. Because you approached your affair through your reality not another’s (and definitely not one that isn’t even in existence)

You didn’t chop off or compartmentalise your reality because parts of it seemed irrelevant to the storm. In doing that you relinquish your power to the storm. (Storm is the issue in hand what ever it may be)
What you deemed irrelevant were your needs.

“Then after the distress, He sent down security for you….”

When you remain the captain of your ship you ain’t sinking. Because you made space for Allah.

“Slumber overtook a party of you…”

This is the party that held space to receive Allah’s help in matter. They let the distress flow and didn’t lose sight of their predicament as affecting them first & foremost. They acknowledge their truth as it is. And so stability is made theirs because they chose to remain present during the distress. Through Feelings we receive guidance.

“while another party was thinking about themselves (as how to save their ownselves, ignoring the others and the Prophet Scw)”

This is the party that enters the storm, thinking about themselves here means honing in on the problem via ego narrative.

how it or what happened, what liability on their side they presume. If only this and that, followed by now I need to do this and that, but I don’t have that or this, wait I can finnese it, but how?…ok that too has a problem so now… (Enter anxiety, blame, trapped in memories about moment before shortcoming on your side was made, or if you had no short coming, then enter mental focus on moment before problem became your reality. Fleeting moments because you are now in the midst of a situation. Even then one doesn’t stop, they add momentum of regret into the equation. This is all a problem blocking your life stream and therefore your stability because your well being is under serious strain due to neglect)

“and thought wrongly of Allâh, the thought of ignorance.”

Not holding space for him is ignorant. Because it implies he is absent. You may not believe that he is, but the point is you act like it. This happens unconsciously for most. It’s how they enter storm and abandon their ship.

“They said, “Have we any part in the affair?”

Entanglement with the storm happens because person took responsibility for the narrative presented by the problem/storm.

“Say you (O Muhammad Scw): “Indeed the affair belongs wholly to Allâh.”


“They hide within themselves what they dare not reveal to you…”

This is also the psychological affect behind the people who enter the storm. They have internalised the problem and what they hide within themselves, is the inner shame they feel towards the focused upon short comings, that they presume led to problem.

“Saying If we had anything to do with the affair, none of us would have been killed here…”

Stuck in the mental state of should’ve could’ve, the people entering the storm frequently think, that their distress is a result of their shortcoming. So they see not the reality now (that matter happened the way it did, in order to facilitate growth) but rather how they got there. It’s counter productive.

“Say: “Even if you had remained in your homes, those for whom death was decreed would certainly have gone forth to the place of their death…,”

Even if they fulfilled the should’ve could haves, they would have arrived in the same place. Because Allah would have still orchestrated the test ( to reach goal behind his wisdom for it in the first place, he will orchestrate the means as he sees fit)

“that Allah might test what is in your breasts;”

These tests are what align us with the potential he created us with. So in testing what’s in our hearts, he purifies us from the clutches of the Ego limitations blocking our life stream. Life doesn’t happen to you. It happens for you.

“and to purge that which was in your hearts…”

To purge is to get rid, the tests therefore happen to rid from your hearts what isn’t of it or from it. Anything caused to it by environment, or affects of core wounds and it’s core beliefs. Your ego is programmed with isnt from It.

This part of verse…made me feel raw emotions….I felt care from it…. deep awe evoking care, I have a heart worth the attention of divine cleansing? and attention? To restore it whilst unaware something was even contaminated with it in the first place?

If that isn’t kindness, profound understanding and protection towards me, I don’t know what is.

“and Allah is All­Knower of what is in (your) breasts”. (Aali Imran 3:154)

Because what we are unconscious of, he is not. He saw how our ego unconsciously formed. He was there, no one understands you more than him. Because no other person had front row seats. He is the best to validate you and vindicate you to yourself. This verse in Surah Imran evoked emotions of gratitude within me, that I pray are put on my scales.

Never abandon your ship. Because your story and needs, that you mentally checked out from, Allah never did. What that simply means is he was going to assist it, Will still assist it. Is sufficient to not just assist, but create to facilitate your needs perfectly and often in ways you didn’t expect or anticipate.

Allah doesn’t move from us we move from him. When we stay on our ships he assists in ways, all of what we were anxious of don’t even come into fruition. It doesnt get a part to play in the meticulously destined reality he has planned.

In entering the storm you run from yourself. Thus true abandonment is being left to your intellect. It’s the provision you took, and the loss here is the provision of Allah’s aid that you left behind.

Your ship, is your souls home, the place Allah enters…

Plan A

Relief,stability,fulfilment,belonging, contentment, victory and ease all beautiful branches of inner peace.

I hope for my loved ones to find shelter in its shade & to find a home that honours its name.

Someone asked me recently what I feared the most and wanted most…

Ive contemplated a lot about the intuitive answers I gave…

I feared most, not self actualising before I die and I wanted most,freedom. Free from what? Until last year I didn’t really actually know. But on a soul level there has always been a void in my heart…I just knew I wasn’t free.

“I freed a thousand slaves. I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves.”

This quote attributed to Harriet Tubman use to resonate with me a lot. I understand why,now. The reasons behind my desires for relief, were buried in my subconscious mind.

I see it akin to smoke signals from my soul,I could feel it, but the feelings didn’t have a home where it’s message could be decoded.

I feared to die before I self actualised and wanted most freedom from the blocks that stood in its way. The responses to the aforementioned questions, revealed a lot to me. Most of all, that the world is free from my core needs and not taxed by my core goals.

My fears and desires are connected to Allah alone. Only he can make them redundant and facilitate for them.

In looking at my fears and wants I’ve become lost in a valley named “when”
The emotions that were meant to serve as a gps, I’ve not tapped into there. But
the good news is I can now, alhamdulilaah.

I have no room for despair in my heart, instead I know he sees my destination so I’m never alone, he is time so I’m exactly where I’m suppose to be and mankind is lost, except those who believe.

I believe in his plan A, and trust it so as to surrender my plan B.

May our will be aligned with his.

When bani Israel came to the land of Canaan. They feared the strength of the cannanites and as a result didn’t want to enter upon them to fight. Aside from Musa and Harun (alayhis Salam) not even a handful were prepared to obey Allah’s plan. If only they would put have their trust in Allah. Instead they told Musa & Harun, to go with their Lord and fight, as they remained behind to watch. Musa gave up on them, after seeing this latest act of rebellion. And so Allah decreed that Bani Israel would be condemned to wander in the wilderness for forty years, before they would be allowed to enter the land of Canaan.

They weren’t sent there to transform the wilderness into a kingdom, it was for the wilderness to transform them.

I don’t despair of the mercy of Allah, NOT because I feel entitled to it or deserving of it, but because unlike bani israel im willing to fight for my freedom and I acknowledge all of his mercy extended towards them…how no matter the rebellion there he was, as al khaliq (the one who creates) providing opportunities to expand them.

What then of us who lost our way due to unconscious programming. Would Allah forget with us the fitra/natural disposition he created us with?

He is not a lord who forgets. Rather an all knowing god with immense mercy. A mercy that supersedes his anger, a mercy that sees our lost fitra.

A mercy that wants us to come back to him. Free from the shackles of ego. And living free from our heart space. A mercy I have awe of and hope in…

Even if I don’t self actualise he is the only one I know who rewards efforts.

I’m pleased with him as my lord, sufficient is he whether in one place I’m lost and in another not.

Hope & sabr


Hope fuels me while sabr ensures I am nourished on the journey. Hope reminds me while sabr encourages me. I’ve noticed when I feel confused about something connected to a matter I have hope in, it means I’m sad and even if only momentarily, I was or am still sad standing still on my journey, unaware of what, what I’m feeling fully means.

With sabr I find space to not just feel but to be under no strain to understand. With sabr I am able to take that next step and in doing so though I lost a moment of ease, I find gratitude in knowing that I didn’t lose hope. To lose sight of the whys behind where I wanted to reach (hope) is just as taxing on my soul as to lose sight of a chance to stop and allow more nourishment (sabr)to reach me.

Time is a message that hope & sabr decipher best. My soul is just my soul, and most accepting of this.