With no generalisation intended I’ve noticed a phenomena amongst our communities (Muslims not Islam) that disturbs me deeply.
Where does the entitled mentality that our children are investments come from? Where did this mentality that results in pressure and demoralising put downs, when said child doesn’t meet the expectations come from? (Even the qadr based reasons via trials and tribulations affecting said child,when grown are over looked for this mentality to remain having a voice?) where did this come from?
I’ve noticed myriad of parents with this mind frame. The whole walidka ka duceysta seems to fuel this ferociously. The only investment Islam says your child is for you is a Sadaqa jaariya (continuous charity) upon your death.
I don’t support caasi’s who abandon and/or do no good towards their parents. But I’m writing in regards to the opposite extreme on the spectrum. A topic I wish ppl were more vocal about, instead of being shackled by some respectability politic.
Islam said our children are an amana/trust towards us (the parents) how did this get forgotten so much they’ve been reduced to investments we can emotionally abuse and put down if we feel they didn’t a) return enough “interest” in adulthood. B) not moving fast enough towards fulfilment of like expectations?
A lot of youth are stagnating in life and suffering silently, most unable to articulate or make sense of the internal conflict they feel. Due to the duality that exists within them, a duality that gives birth to a serious cognitive dissonance that on one hand internalises blame (because they have yet to “amount” to something such parents can deem a good return profit or pride wise) and on the other secretly and resentfully harbours thoughts such as I didn’t ask to be born.
Islam is a balance it emphasised the rights of parents and the child. Why is the latter forgotten?
Meaning of amana/trust should weigh heavy on our hearts. Our children are not our property. They are human beings who rely on us to raise them well and take care of their emotional development. To support advice and teach them. This mentality is a serious detriment to that and I guarantee you most people you meet with parent issues are victims of this stamped with silent approval mental and emotional abuse that goes unchallenged due to cultural restraints of cayb and threats of habaar.
I just wanna say some of us see and understand you. And what travels to and fro your chest that wavers refusing to settle, is a wrong even if people defend it. Let the duality collapse. Hats off to the parents who understand the amana given to them, who UNDERSTAND that Islam passes the buck right back to them. The sadaqa jaariya investment awaiting you isn’t guaranteed If you failed to bring your kid up right to begin with. And still I say pray for such parents they themselves are probably victims of a messed up structure that reared them. Ancestral baggage is real.