Integrating the shadow (part 2)

What is it about making choices in ambiguous matters that make some people feel a sense of dread?

Is it the space of vagueness that they want to fill with accuracy. A space that comes with a stranded uncomfortable feeling of not knowing? A space that we want to make feel like home through understanding. Good news or bad news, it’s still home because we understand….sort of thing.

The underlining issue lys not in the external story (i.e ambiguous/ booky matters) but in what you are protecting yourself from.

Why you gotta have clarity?

‘Because I like to know what, what is”

Why not wait and let the ‘what” unfold naturally?

‘Because you can’t go back in time and insert through change, what you could have done differently.’

Change what?

‘The judgement or decision you made that you probably wouldn’t have if you knew the ‘what’ perhaps’

Pause….

This is a form of structure to derail the affect of a core wound from re surfacing. It is the ego that is imbalanced when faced with ambiguity.

In rejecting and assigning responsibility to the part of you, that followed the natural order of being one in the moment (a vague moment or not). You miss the real wound that is operating in the unconscious.

So you made yourself catch a case for something that happened to or around you. You inadvertently took the blame for something that happened outside of you…

‘If only I did this, noticed that, or listened….” instead of being confident in order prevailing….. Is the the kind of thought pattern that led to a wrong judgement (ironically) about yourself because…

‘Why didn’t I know. I should have had a plan B….

Is a judgement that there was a flaw in what you chose to do or chose not to do, perhaps even both. So ultimately the result of unprocessed emotions like these in childhood, became the first slash to your unconditional acceptance and love of yourself.

This is a major core wound that has a root problem in self trust. It rears its head in anything that resembles the innocent situation that became ambiguous. That you felt you should have done differently in. Imagine then the affect in not so innocent seeming situations?

So on the upside a lawyer, composed reasonable yet skeptic side of you is born. (the ego self motivated towards survival)

On the down side a lack of emotional agility in the face of uncertainty or fear in the face of a desire to trust, becomes yours to own.

Embracing the rejected part of you (the shadow) that is ok with not being distracted by why something is vague. Is the freedom from the limbo such situations trigger. It’s the part of you that knew the difference between your ‘stuff’ and the external worlds ‘stuff’. What you are responsible for and what you are not.

Reclaiming the shadow that you scape-goated and rejected as unacceptable for being cool with being in the moment. Is to heal and cleanse the wound. So your soul takes back the scattered parts that have left you fragmented.

Ambiguity is a prop device Allah uses to bring the unconscious to your conscious.

We will soon show them Our signs in the Universe and in their own souls, until it will become quite clear to them that it is the truth. Is it not sufficient as regards your Lord, that He is a witness over all things? (Fusilaat 41:53)

Trusting the process of healing leads to inner peace, trust Allah is the only sure investment.

This world is a classroom to teach you about you. Allah witnessed the separation of unconditional love and acceptance of yourself. So you are in the best hands on your journey to self actualisation. You can clear the blocks because….