There is something about returning from travelling that feels new to the soul.

A sense of appreciation for all that you left behind.  A sense of  knowing what matters and what doesn’t. What should stay and what should go. A new lens to see your life through another light. Absence not only makes the heart grow fonder but wiser and richer.

“Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”~Terry Pratchett,

It most definitely isn’t…I’m coming back to face changes I delayed, dreaded and doubted with a new zeal that makes me want to rush, is enthusiastic and confident.  know that your lord has a hand in all that concerns you. Your future & stability. know where to align your will so as to succeed. A path perhaps known yet briefly forgotten…is now a path replenished with solid  conviction.

 

 

 

“Criticism is just someone else’s opinion. Even people who are experts in their fields are sometimes wrong. It is up to you to choose whether to believe some of it, none of it, or all of it. What you think is what counts.” ~Rodolfo Costa

The worst of all critics is the one within. It’s words are usually comprised of statements connected to how you think things seem, you may find it impossible to ignore, thus making it all the more convincing…. all the more painful.

There has always been a part of you that knows when it’s true and when it’s just being hard on you. That is the part many find difficult to strengthen, to listen to, to summon and settle the painful debate once and for all.

The kind of criticism that stems from the external world on its own,  is easier to ignore for most, because what do others outside of you truly know?

Self doubt that comes from within internalised by what was determined about you on the outside …. is harder to cure, because it’s you yourself holding that mic….co signing through blame like you should’ve could’ve.

In life there is always a way out from every difficulty. No matter how set in stone it may seem. The critiquing you that’s holding the mic, can be over taken by the you that is aware it is.

What does the you that is the witness feel and say? What your soul thinks counts, so do not discount it, never weaken your narrative by concerning yourself with its acceptance. You must accept it. Nevermind how convenient that may seem to others.

You have to trust in your own integrity, the integrity that never allows you to lie to yourself. The integrity that values truth even if it’s against you.

To the core beliefs that made your self doubts, fair seeming to you.
Say good bye, so to thy own self you can start to be true.

“By fully experiencing and going beyond an emotional block, through the layers of doubt and fear, you experience the emotion of who you truly are.” ~Stephen Richards

 

 

 

What is required for many of us, paradoxical though it may sound, is the courage to tolerate happiness without self-sabotage.”
— Nathaniel Branden

The old age English idiom of “There is an elephant in the room” means a clear problem that exists, isn’t being acknowledged. This idiom works best when there is an actual fact based issue in dire need of acknowledging and addressing.

But what about an issue that is merely perceived or presumed by an individual? Surely that issue is an elephant in the persons mind, real enough to affect their belief in a matter….(if something affects you it matters full stop.)

What happens when the elephant in the mind, gets dropped in the metaphorical room that represents the interaction space between you and another?

Well firstly when you put a mind elephant in a room the other person feels it. The elephant can be anything occupying space in your head, from pre conceived notions that worry you, to your doubts, skepticism and to fear of (insert anything you hope isn’t a reality with present company)

As energetic beings the unseen elephant (you ain’t expressed issue, so it’s an elephant until you do) can be felt even if not understood. The extent to which it is felt, depends on the extent of its hold on your psyche and heart.

And in its being felt….. quite often than not a shift occurs with the other person. The kind of shift that has the power to create awkwardness at its worst and a state of ambiguity at the least.

So what gives….Other than the size of the elephant in the room growing for you?.

And what’s real….other than the reality that the truth, isn’t in the confirmation of the growth of the elephant.

But rather in the perspective that cause and effect, naturally took the place of expression and exchange.

These mind elephants tend to exist most in people who fear showing their vulnerability.

They become pre occupied with the discomfort of their vulnerability being exposed. Onlg for it to be faced with denial if they were to address said elephant matter.

To be vulnerable is not about sharing from a place of expectation, but rather from a place of truth, your truth, in a composed yet firm manner. Vulnerability is pure strength.

Because ~ “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen” ~ Brene Brown.

Showing up with your truth and stepping out by aligning with your values once YOUR truth is stated. Is a crucial aspect of being emotionally agile. To ‘step out’ in keeping with the theme of main post point means to take a step back and be willing to receive. Knowing that you are not responsible for another persons actions. To step out allows you the space to activate your values as a guide for how you will proceed next.

So if the mind elephant was real and it was denied, trust your intuition and the way your body feels in that moment. Under no circumstances should you by-pass because there is no supporting evidence. Under no circumstances should you park your intuition until you are able to qualify it intellectually on a later date.

Ignoring a mind elephant that has rented room in your head is to rob yourself from the opportunity of establishing a truth.

You can’t change what others do, so there is no point dwelling on it. But you can change what they know, so don’t procrastinate on stating your truth. Validate your needs by meeting them first yourself.

 

The space between Alhamdulilaah and oh Allah please, is a space the soul transitions in growth, through hope and fear.

Fear in not over coming the disturbing limitations life’s cruelty subtely placed. Fears that at times shackle your will to just be. Fear of not overcoming this fear?

Fear of feeling it’s components, fear of  acknowledging its there. How can one acknowledge emotions no one would associate with them. What does any of this all mean anyway.

All I know is I grew up in a world where EMOTIONS where unwanted guests. Through observation you learn. Through expectations you become.

I hoped for better days consisting of uninterrupted relief.  Managed said Hope knowing only in paradise can such a state truly exist.

In waking up from all the expectations I held as a child. I find an edit button to manage my desires.

I’m editing what I contributed that wasn’t from me. Un masking and un earthing so that I can now receive…

Through the foot prints that led to my dead ends I’ll know…

Through the emotions I denied myself to truly feel I’ll know…

Through the tender heart I chastised for carrying the woes of the world I’ll know…

Through my beautiful soul that I defaced for having forberance I’ll know…

Through the whispers of my intuition I’ll know…

My place.

Where my true self resided in optimistic wait.

 

 

What is it about making choices in ambiguous matters that make some people feel a sense of dread?

Is it the space of vagueness that they want to fill with accuracy. A space that comes with a stranded uncomfortable feeling of not knowing? A space that we want to make feel like home through understanding. Good news or bad news, it’s still home because we understand….sort of thing.

The underlining issue lys not in the external story (i.e ambiguous/ booky matters) but in what you are protecting yourself from.

Why you gotta have clarity?

‘Because I like to know what, what is”

Why not wait and let the ‘what” unfold naturally?

‘Because you can’t go back in time and insert through change, what you could have done differently.’

Change what?

‘The judgement or decision you made that you probably wouldn’t have if you knew the ‘what’  perhaps’

Pause….

This is a form of structure to derail the affect of a core wound from re surfacing. It is the ego that is imbalanced when faced with ambiguity.

In rejecting and assigning responsibility to the part of you, that followed the natural order of being one in the moment (a vague moment or not). You miss the real wound that is operating in the unconscious.

So you made yourself catch a case for something that happened to or around you. You inadvertently took the blame for something that happened outside of you…

‘If only I did this, noticed that, or listened….” instead of being confident in order prevailing….. Is the the kind of thought pattern that led to a wrong judgement  (ironically) about yourself because…

‘Why didn’t I know. I should have had a plan B….

Is a judgement that there was a flaw in what you chose to do or chose not to do, perhaps even both. So ultimately the result of unprocessed emotions like these in childhood, became the first slash to your unconditional acceptance and love of yourself.

This is a major core wound that has a root problem in self trust. It rears its head in anything that resembles the innocent situation that became ambiguous. That you felt you should have done differently in. Imagine then the affect in not so innocent seeming situations?

So on the upside a lawyer, composed reasonable yet skeptic side of you is born. (the ego self motivated towards survival)

On the down side a lack of emotional agility in the face of uncertainty or fear in the face of a desire to trust, becomes yours to own.

Embracing the rejected part of you (the shadow) that is ok with not being distracted by why something is vague. Is the freedom from the limbo such situations trigger. It’s the part of you that knew the difference between your ‘stuff’ and the external worlds ‘stuff’. What you are responsible for and what you are not.

Reclaiming the shadow that you scape-goated and rejected as unacceptable for being cool with being in the moment. Is to heal and cleanse the wound. So your soul takes back the scattered parts that have left you fragmented.

Ambiguity is a prop device Allah uses to bring the unconscious to your conscious.

We will soon show them Our signs in the Universe and in their own souls, until it will become quite clear to them that it is the truth. Is it not sufficient as regards your Lord, that He is a witness over all things? (Fusilaat 41:53)

Trusting the process of healing leads to inner peace, trust Allah is the only sure investment.

This world is a classroom to teach you about you. Allah witnessed the separation of unconditional love and acceptance of yourself. So you are in the best hands on your journey to self actualisation. You can clear the blocks because….

~you can not meet your true authentic self without facing the banished shadow and letting it come home~

Selfless~What to care about yourself less?…doesn’t sound like a virtue when I think of it that way. More like a disservice, and a betrayal to the self.

They say there is power in self sacrifice but they don’t tell you that the power isn’t always allocated to you.

To put others first is great just simultaneously manage to impart the truth, that in doing so you don’t come second. That’s self love and there is nothing wrong with selflessness.

May we be blessed in understanding and striking that balance. & may we be compassionate when we find ourselves ruminating on the times we haven’t. No regrets just progress.

{No person knows what is kept hidden for them of joy as a reward for what they used to do} (As-Sajdah 32:17)

 

 

 

 

Fear has a tendency to paralyse us away from hope and action. It robs us and keeps us in limbo..what’s at stake are the fleeting comforts we feel keeps pain at bay.

True comfort is found in the path of least resistance. A path that leads to a gate way where, if you were to fall, Allah’s catch is the mightiest of all.

Dont resist the process (what ever it is)
Dont run to avoid discomfort (however comforting it seems)
Dont deface your own soul (through berating self talk.)
Don’t forget to just be  (vision and judgement are impaired when you are hurting).
Dont fall into despair…(fall instead into stillness)

My inner most private thoughts, are like the currency I gather through times of poverty so as to purchase the kind of care and stability; that  I’ve learnt only Allah owns.

I’ve never met a merchant who said take, for what you gave, I already knew and I only cared that you saved it up for me.

If fear diverts, courage should steer. for what is courage except  being afraid of what’s around a corner but going around it anyway.

When your fears chase you to the dead sea, Allah splits the ocean to set you free.

Ma wad da’aka rabbuka wa ma qalaa “Your Lord has not taken leave of you”

That^is the only consistent truth I’ve ever known.