The Past & Owning your Story.

“You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” -Brené Brown

Worthiness is hustled because you become disconnected from your worth when your story isn’t owned by you. The hustle happens within even though our worth neither increases nor decreases because it’s fixed in state since we are born with it. When our story isn’t owned our worthiness isn’t felt hence the internal  hustle for it . It isn’t felt it’s blocked by shame. What does not owning your story mean? I am not referring to denial or delusion which is some of the ways people refuse to own their story. I am referring to not going within enough and thus missing the root of a matter that has hurt you.

What he/she they or society did is 10% of the story the other 90% is how it made you truly feel. That raw feeling inside that wants to address the kind of untruths about your self that you may even intellectually recognise for what it is, but for the life in you can’t fathom why its poison effects you still. Your story is your vulnerability. Owning that is how breakthroughs happen.

A breakthrough I believe is something that creeps up on you. It isn’t like a shift, a shift is part of a process, where in order for you to proceed on your journey its needed as fuel.  I feel a shift can be sensed and felt as it happens but a breakthrough you can’t. A shift is like a green light telling you to cross over to another side where the grass is green and the sky is bright. It’s a change in perception and a new found perspective about yourself and about life.

A breakthrough is a culimination of a matter that yesterday was hurting you and today you’ve realised you’ve gone passed its pain and entered a state of true inner peace. A breakthrough is the realisation that the hook that aligned you with the negative emotions of grief, sorrow, anger, shame and resentment that you felt has been removed, has been healed. Most mistake a shift for a breakthrough.

Breakthroughs are the true blessings in healing, it’s the ease after the hardship. It isn’t indifference to what happened it’s transcendence over it. For example you have alchemised the energy of pain into direction, grief into gaining your self, sorrow into self compassion. Anger into values that gave birth to solid boundaries. Shame into self empathy that made you switch lanes from that hazardous route shame set you upon most of your life. As for resentment? I believe it’s transmuted into wisdom the kind that ensures you do not end up making a u-turn back there, back where? To the places and things and people that didn’t honour your soul. To the energetic fields you entered unconsciously because you were separated and therefore neglectful of your own soul.

When you are in a healthy state of being i.e connected to yourself with no unconcious programmings sabotaging your flow. The past serves to reasonably inform the present. When you are not in such a state the past serves to hijack the present.

Why is the past informing the present so beneficial? Because life is continuous, it goes on and so situations that mirror or reflect matters, pertaining to what led to your spiritual growth in the first place do rear its head again in subtle ways.  These matters are opportunities to practice what you’ve learnt. To make your new substance part of your subconscious flow. The past can help with this as it contains intimate details of all the lessons you learnt, all the discoveries you made. The growths that occurred through the pain you chose to feel, heal and release.

As you go forward in life be grateful for the hooks Allah removed and continues to. Be grateful for his infinite wisdom and his grace that guided you to see, understand and recieve clarity about the things, that had he not guided you about, would have left you lost and stuck on a hamsters wheel.

You can only connect the dots when you look back and that is because the past is informing your present, your intuition is confirming and you are listening.  As new doors open, you find new truths that are gifts meant to carry you through to the next phase of your journey to self actualise. A phase of maturity, empowerment, deeper self love and acceptance.

Healing is a process that is deeply intimate and important. It can not occur with out self honesty, resilience and patience. As you venture out you will feel lighter because the old baggage is gone. When you feel heavy because of a new load (because life is continuous and there is so much more to learn) then it can be appreciated  and understood that the past informing the present is actually a present from Allah.  It’s a reminder of the things you found on the paths you took that facilitated your growth, your healing. Reminders benefit the faithful. 

I’ve learnt that there is no wrong path, for all paths traversed happened in order to teach something, reveal something. To add a layer of something needed, to you. Or to peel back a layer of something no longer required from you.

When the process of healing is bypassed in any way, the past pops up through memories that cause suffering through shame. That is how it hijacks the present.

“When we own our own stories, we avoid being trapped as characters in the stories someone else is telling.” -Brené Brown, Rising Strong

We also avoid being trapped in the stories we tell ourselves. The kind of stories that block you from receiving your own love and the love of those who love you. Because that’s how shame operates, like shaytan eating your food because you didn’t say bismillah and then wondering why you don’t feel that full. You are robbed and unaware of how  because you can’t see it externally nor can you compute it mentally as it happens.

When you own your story your character in that shame inducing story dies in your mind because it is in your mind that it is kept alive in the first place. When you own it, it becomes like that character in a tv series who exited in season 4.

Where did they end up? In the absence of shame they ended up with self empathy. They stopped defacing their soul. They own their intentions and their actions that they felt ashamed of because of how it was received or treated. Self empathy reminds them the shame narrative they attributed to their story is an illusion. Self empathy reminds them what was true from them, and how that is the only thing that matters. Only when you own your story do you get to transmute shame into empathy and compassion that leads to clarity and understanding. The soul structure intends to be built upon iron not straws.

The hooks fall off with the shame lensed glasses you took off. The past informs the present so they do not come back on. 

 

Inside Insight

Power fulfils strength provides, use your strength to step into your power. Through trials and hard times it’s your strength that Allah builds. Your power is something he has already created within you.

Strength expands in the heart, vulnerability gives it its wings. When a tear rests in your lower eyelid it’s glad tidings, you’ve stepped into the realm where your power is held. This realm feels dark like fatigue and heart ache all mixed in one. You find yourself in a state of sober thoughtfulness.

It is here your intuitive intelligence speaks and you are able to recieve its guidance. It wants you to stay in this realm so you can be replenished. Power fulfils because it intersperses your wholeness, in all that you do. For that to happen it must first rejuvenate you, envelope you become you. Let it.

 

 

 

Values

My values are extracted from everything I like and everything I dislike. As the two merge, through its debris I catch and collect my values.

I value love, truth, conceptual understanding,  connection and kindness. I value fairness, courage, composure, generosity, peace and justice.

I value integrity, consciousness, authenticity, faith, hope, laughter of kids and the dignity of my soul. I value my heart and the hearts of others. I value sound reason and discernment.

I value Allah and his grace & mercy that ground  my empathy. I value compassion and steadfastness. I value protection for the oppressed and the tears of the vulnerable.

I value patience and understanding, clarity and stability. I value relief for you and relief for me. I value spare time, my time, my worth and my life.

Through my values I took a second glance at my priorities. The lack of structure for it left me dumbfounded. Priorities are shaped by values. It doesn’t matter who’s took up your space. What matters is being aware, it matters that you now care. 

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Decisions are easier when made by your soul that is always motivated towards, all that is in accordance to your highest good. 

Tough love

The journey back to your natural disposition is tough love from Allah. This realisation transmutes so much in regards to lessons that mirror back your own self neglect. Through his tough love you are planned for and cared for. You can surrender to that plan and be grateful for that care. It’s implementation of hope & faith.

System Error

Truth feels light even if its point isnt pleasant I.e something that goes against you or a position you found comfort in. Truth isn’t  heavy nor does it cause fatigue. What’s heavy and exhausting is ego narratives masquerading as truth. Whats heavy and exhausting is ego blocks that pull ones strings to resist truth.

Heaviness is a sign of absence of truth or contamination of it. What’s true feels light & the heart works in tandem with it.  For me it compresses and tightens my chest as a way to communicate rejection of something  and it releases its grip making way for inner peace to enter as an indication that all is now well. I.e I’ve adjusted a flaw. I call this process system error.

I find that the feeling of something being amiss communicates to me a truth is missing from an equation. Likewise my hearts compression and release activity, indicates my state of being in a moment accurately. I’m I one with the truth or have I prematurely received it? Is there more on this matter? If truth was 8 marbles did I pick up 10 or 7? 10 being symbolic for adding to the truth what’s not from it & 7, missing it by an inch yet not realise it. The compressions and release in my heart provide the answer.

My heart knows before my mind.

 

 

Lens

“I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.” ~Charles Cooley

The greatest gift you can give yourself is to take back your power of definition. The perception you have of yourself relies heavily on how you define things. How are you defining things? Is it based on a system of unconditional self love that houses your own values. Or a system of doubt that houses that of others?

If you have in any way let the opinions, truths, values and expectations of others guide or worse manage your reality. You need to take back your power of definition. Relinquishing that unconsciously is the root of the problem, a problem that can take years or even the good part of a life time for some to discover.

Your reality doesn’t hinge on things outside of you, if your heart doesn’t absorb something, it doesn’t. You can’t force it and you shouldn’t want to. Let the chips fall how it may, any cognitive dissonance that arises is Allah teaching you self trust. Your heart is your northern star not someone else’s listen to your own. Trust your own truth of who you are. Are you someone who has no agenda with truth? Are you someone who doesn’t lie to themselves and is open to growth however difficult? If yes then trust your heart and what it absorbs and doesn’t absorb .

Power of definition rests on trusting your hearts resonation. Especially when something is amiss, trust it even if it causes you turmoil. Clarity comes at dawn. leave the details behind implications of doing that, alone. The devil is in the detail for a reason, to get entangled in making sense of things, is how you lose your way to begin with.

We each have a system inside us that is sufficient to individually govern us. It’s unlocked by a key of self trust. A key you can’t access without unconditional self love.

Instead of scanning for an error in yourself as you are accustomed to. Trust your heart when it lovingly throws a middle finger up i.e when it stands firm against all odds. When it contradicts what you once held close. Firmness that doesn’t separate you from love is steadfastness.

Power of definition remains intact and whole when you let your heart define what is. Take off the lens that diverts you from stepping into your power of definition. It’s the mother of illusions. It Keeps one stuck in what was, as they miss what is. What was isn’t threatened by what is. Not unless you are intolerant of the ebbs and flows of life.

Two ways

When something hurts you, you can either tense up against it or you can soften towards it.

To soften is to flow with, to tense up is to resist. I find when I soften I feel a warm wave descend over me, it feels like being carried by a warm sea. It feels like hunger met with a home cooked meal. It takes me to a shore of self compassion that leads to inner peace.

When ever I tensed up it felt like I was squeezing through a narrow lane. That suddenly got narrower the further I walked in. It was crushing and felt like oxygen was slipping away. It left me abandoned and in a state of dejection not sometimes but always. I felt shame instead of compassion I found myself lost and a long way away from home.

Two ways two different outcomes. I choose to soften because I’ve experimented enough to know the results. Choose to soften towards emotions that sting, you will find love in the feelings that come after it not misery. You will find Divine love that heals and restores. You will find divine love that teleports you home.